Humor
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Hang out with funny people and watch how they act, letting loose and not taking life too seriously.
They are inspiring.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Learn random new things to discover what interests stick and what do not, helping you identify true preferences.
It helps you understand what you don't like while gaining new skills.
- Based on one person's experience at age 52.
one person who lived it
Say things that you personally find funny to hear.
If you are not laughing at what you are saying, others likely will not be either; enjoying yourself is the number one rule.
2 people, independently
Read the room and watch for non-verbal signs like grumpiness, looking away, or shrugging to gauge if your jokes are landing.
People signal when they feel you are being rude.
2 people, independently
- Get used to observing tone, facial expressions, and body language to distinguish jokes from serious statements, noting that some people joke while looking dead serious.1
Allow jokes to arise naturally instead of forcing them or rehearsing them mentally.
Rehearsing ruins timing and creates awkwardness; speaking because you want to say it avoids cringe.
- You won't lose anything if they aren't funny.
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- Avoid forcing jokes; instead, wait for situational opportunities to be funny, as natural context-based humor is most effective.2
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Build your humor by watching plenty of comedy films and series, sticking with the ones you like.
Identify your natural humor style by observing what makes you laugh and testing it on others to see if it resonates.
Using a style that fits you feels more natural and is more fun.
3 people, independently
- Identify your audience's preferred humor style (e.g., satire, slapstick) and tailor your approach accordingly.1
- Stick to people who appreciate your natural quirks rather than forcing a specific humor style.1
Be yourself instead of trying to change or become another person to be funny.
Assuming you must change yourself to be funny is the wrong approach.
one person who lived it
Build off other people's jokes in group settings rather than trying to take the spotlight yourself.
It makes the original teller feel funnier and builds trust within the group.
- Some individuals feel their humor stands alone and do not rely on others.
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- If you hear a good joke at a table but others do not, pretend you did not hear it and ask the teller to repeat it.1
- Make jokes about shared interests or common nuisances rather than targeting people.3
Do not try to be funny if it is not natural to you, as it may come across as awkward.
Not everyone has a knack for wit.
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- Accept that some jokes will bomb or make people awkward; respond with a smile to diffuse the discomfort.3
- Say funny things only if they come naturally and avoid forcing humor.1
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Let go of the desire for approval and simply say what is on your mind.
Trying to be funny fails; letting go and not looking for laughs makes you hilarious.
one person who lived it
Reserve deadpan humor for people who know you really well.
It can upset or offend others.
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- Deliver intended jokes in a deadpan manner without smiling.1
Watch the late 90s sitcom 'Friends' and study the character Chandler to learn comedic timing.
It may open doors to understanding jokes.
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Practice making relevant jokes with strangers where there are no consequences to workshop lines and build confidence.
You will mess up, but that is important because you will learn from those mistakes and improve.
- Sometimes the jokes won't land.
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Own your social awkwardness and make jokes about it.
One person reported this helped them out quite a bit.
one person who lived it
Challenge yourself and expand your life experiences by seeing the world and meeting many people.
This helps generate material for humor.
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Set clear boundaries with friends about topics you do not want joked about, and do not laugh at jokes you find unfunny.
People need to feel there are consequences for crossing the line; 'I was just kidding' is often a cop-out.
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Watch one comedy show daily to learn comedic timing and punchlines.
You will notice some improvement.
2 people, independently
- Build your humor by watching plenty of comedy films and series, sticking with the ones you like.4
- Watch comedy regularly for four weeks, including poor quality content, to absorb comedic structures and marginally improve your wit.1
- View stand-up comedy clips on YouTube to analyze delivery and timing.3
Watch comedians to spot exaggeration and punchlines, analyzing their methods to recognize what can be turned into a joke.
This improves how you think about humor and helps you see patterns in what makes things funny.
3 people, independently
- Consume comedy (movies, podcasts, comedians) and deconstruct why things are funny to develop your own sense of humor.1
Learn to roast back by recalling past events, such as saying 'Oh yeah remember when you...'.
Humor can be learned.
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Avoid asking questions to explain the context or figure out why a joke wasn't funny.
Trying to work out the joke is worse than just not laughing.
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- If you are the target of jokes, act as if you do not understand them and repeatedly ask for an explanation.1
- Accept that humor depends on the crowd and their understanding; do not assume everyone will find your jokes funny.1
- Learn to ignore unwanted jokes and refuse to laugh along to signal that they are not appreciated.2
- Avoid jokingly saying something isn't funny, as this sends mixed messages.1
- Cease telling the identical joke for long stretches to prevent becoming irritating.3
Sign 'I love broccoli' to recover from mistakes in signing.
It helps you get out of your head.
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If your deadpan humor is misunderstood by people who don't know you well, use expressive body language like talking louder, nudging, or winking to signal that you are joking.
People who don't know you well cannot tell when you are kidding with a straight face.
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Focus on delivery rather than originality, as changing how you say something can make it funny even if the content is the same.
Jokes are largely about how they are said; saying the same thing in a different way can suddenly make it funny.
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Learn socially acceptable jokes and build a routine.
People like funny people.
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- Cater your jokes to your audience because people's tastes, understanding, and sensitivities vary.4
- Find a positive, lighthearted balance between joking and being serious.3
Use self-irony to signal that you do not judge others and to make jokes sound less offensive.
It lets people know they are not judged and reduces offensiveness.
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Apologize sincerely if you realize your joke offended someone, even if you did not intend to be hurtful.
It helps rebuild relationships.
3 people, independently
Ask a trusted person to observe the group dynamics and report back on whether you are being unfairly targeted.
There are often things we do not see ourselves.
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Realize that even funny friends occasionally tell jokes that don't get laughs, and people usually don't care.
No one really notices or cares when a joke doesn't land.
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- Simply enjoy the moment and accept that some people will like your jokes while others won't.1
Allow yourself to say barely funny or lame jokes without judging their quality, rather than saying nothing.
It is better to have a few lame remarks than zilch.
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Brush off mockery without reacting to deny the mocker the satisfaction of a response.
They sound like they are jealous.
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Relax and have fun without the intention of being funny.
Being funny requires having fun first, which requires relaxing and not trying to be a 'funny guy'.
one person who lived it
Deflect insults by agreeing with the statement and amplifying it to a new level.
They shut themselves.
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Write out your jokes and comedy ideas as an outlet to reduce the impulse to make random remarks in conversation.
One person found that once they started writing more, they made fewer such jokes.
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Make surprising connections between facts to lead to weird conclusions.
Doing the unexpected is key to being funny.
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Distinguish between being amusing and being treated like a clown; do not equate being found funny with mockery.
Some people are deadpan and do not perceive themselves as funny, yet others enjoy their humor.
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Write down a few jokes or funny stories beforehand to keep in mind for social situations.
Having prepared jokes or stories can help you make people laugh.
3 people, independently
Explicitly state that you were joking if you notice someone looks confused by your comment.
To prevent people from thinking you are dumb or weird.
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Overcorrect at first by biting your tongue and staying silent to break the habit of habitual joking, trusting that you will eventually find a balanced middle ground.
Jumping in with jokes quickly shuts down people who are slower at speaking.
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Roast friends back playfully to stop being singled out, as the group will likely laugh along.
- If the people are bullies pretending to be friends, roasting them back could result in getting kicked.
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Practice saying what you are truly and honestly thinking.
True honesty is often funny and shows confidence.
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If you have a physical trait that makes you uncomfortable, make jokes about it yourself first so others feel less inclined to pick on it.
One person found that by making remarks about his crossed eyes, people stopped bothering him about them.
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Practice humor techniques robotically until they become natural and part of your voice.
It may take years of practice, work, and mistakes to find your humor voice.
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- Practice spontaneous humor techniques like puns, imitations, or funny faces while smiling and laughing along with others.1
Join an improv group or class to learn how to find humor in the moment, roll with it, and potentially make friends.
Improv helps people who were previously unfunny become hilarious by focusing on fun and participation.
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If you are a funny, talkative person, seek a partner who is a good listener and laughs at your jokes.
Two comedian extroverts competing for the spotlight always ends in resentment.
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Smile occasionally and adjust your intonation to help convey humor or seriousness.
One person found this small change helped them a lot.
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Focus on being playful and able to take and play along with jokes rather than generating humor from thin air.
What's important is that you aren't humourless; having levity matters.
one person who lived it
Spend time with goofy people to naturally adopt their humor style.
Being around goofy people makes you goofy too.
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Stop stressing about needing to be funny to prevent boredom, as this stress is counterintuitive.
Stressing out and trying hard to be fun is counterintuitive.
one person who lived it
Gain knowledge about whatever you are talking about to fuel your humor.
Humor often comes from being knowledgeable about the topic.
one person who lived it
Use humor to relax everyone in a new social setting, such as a workplace, to make mingling easier.
It allows you to let go and mingle with coworkers more easily.
one person who lived it
Avoid constantly laughing at your own perceived stupidity, as it signals to friends that they can insult you without consequence.
It broadcasts permission for others to call you dumb.
one person who lived it
Use playfulness to reframe reality into absurd scenarios to show you are not taking things too seriously.
People recognize the absurdity and realize you are just playing.
- There is a risk of crossing the line between playfulness and appearing dumb or too excitable.
one person who lived it
Use a playful, jovial, bouncy, or slightly silly voice instead of a monotone or flat voice to indicate you are joking.
A monotone voice sounds like literal instructions, whereas a bouncy or over-the-top tone signals joking clearly.
one person who lived it
Stay with people after a joke falls flat rather than leaving immediately.
Leaving every time someone doesn't laugh is a reason relationships aren't working out.
one person who lived it
Use laughter to break the ice, then allow that initial connection to open the door for deeper levels of interaction.
The initial snicker from clowning around can lead to deeper connections.
one person who lived it
Do not announce that a story is funny before telling it; instead, laugh if you find it truly amusing.
Surprise is essential to humor.
one person who lived it
- When sharing something you find funny or exciting, do not announce that it is funny or exciting beforehand.1
Trust your gut and observe body language and tone to detect when someone is using 'just joking' as a cover for a shitty remark.
People often immediately backpedal after making shitty remarks.
one person who lived it
Wait for the right situational moment to crack jokes by surprise rather than trying to joke all the time.
Comedy is often situational.
one person who lived it
Watch content featuring witty people to absorb their formatting and delivery style.
One person found this made it easier to create their own witty content.
one person who lived it
Stop interrupting conversations to shout jokes or seek attention.
Interrupting because you need to be the center of attention makes people want to avoid talking to you.
one person who lived it
Assume people are joking unless the conversation is serious to reduce the likelihood of feeling hurt.
It is less likely to result in hurt feelings than assuming seriousness.
one person who lived it
Appreciate dry humor and recognize that not everyone will understand your jokes.
Some people may never get specific types of humor, such as dry wit.
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Embrace awkwardness and persist through trial and error to develop humor, using your insight to accelerate the learning process.
Insight allows the trial-and-error process to be faster than natural practice.
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Address the issue sincerely with friends in a private message or conversation, expressing that the repeated jokes bother you.
Friends may open up and listen if approached calmly and honestly.
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React to unfunny content sent by friends with simple emojis like hearts or laughing faces to acknowledge receipt without deep engagement.
It acknowledges that they thought of you.
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Embed personal stories within your humor to communicate truths about yourself while making jokes.
It tricks you into communicating things about yourself at the same time.
one person who lived it
Start with relatable comedy topics such as weather, job complaints, poor reception, or food cravings.
Relatable comedy is the easiest place to start.
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Watch British humor shows like Blackadder or Red Dwarf to experience sarcastic and dark comedy and gain topics for conversation.
They are sarcastic and dark and provide something to talk about.
one person who lived it
Stop using one-liners and meme quotes in conversation to avoid looking childish, unoriginal, and random.
It makes the speaker look childish as it is overheard, unoriginal, and outright random.
one person who lived it
Stop making edgy, mean, stereotypical, or racist/sexist jokes that target others' insecurities or identities.
Such behavior is considered distasteful and signals that you are being a prick.
2 people, independently
Watch the classic nine seasons of The Simpsons to build a foundational understanding of American comedy references.
Not being familiar with those episodes means not really being in on American comedy.
one person who lived it
Deliver deadpan jokes with charisma if possible, but do not rely on family for feedback on your humor.
Family members may not provide accurate feedback on whether jokes sound funny.
one person who lived it
Use a relaxed, natural energy when telling jokes rather than a serious tone.
Funny jokes rely on relaxed, natural energy; trying to be funny with serious energy is ineffective.
one person who lived it
Use humor that is highly relevant to the immediate moment rather than relying on overused jokes.
Overused humor eventually becomes unfunny because people sense insecurity.
one person who lived it
Balance teasing by occasionally inserting compliments, such as noting something you like about someone's appearance.
Teasing should not be constant.
one person who lived it
Appreciate your partner's humor as a gift rather than trying to compete with or replicate it, allowing partners to complement each other.
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Deliver obvious statements in a deadpan manner.
People often find blunt honesty funny due to its unexpected directness.
one person who lived it
- Recognize that deadpan or monotone delivery can be perceived as hilarious even without intent.1
Temporarily relinquish the 'funny guy' persona and focus on other traits until you have earned the right to reclaim it.
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Watch stand-up comedy videos online to catch the vibe and style of observational humor.
Observational humor uses everyday life.
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Check for physical anomalies, such as mask strings pulling your ears, before assuming mockery is malicious.
Something might look funny unintentionally.
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Provide positive responses in a conversational manner and add funny comments naturally rather than overdoing it.
This approach makes humor sound natural.
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Draw a line and say something directly to coworkers in private if their jokes affect your work perception or evaluation.
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Recognize that you offer value to friends through listening, giving advice, or making them comfortable, not just by being funny.
Friends may value one-on-one time for these specific traits.
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Focus on your interests and hobbies to meet people who are better suited to be around.
You will meet better people that way.
one person who lived it
List the pros and cons of a friendship to decide if it adds quality to your life.
Time is finite.
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Work out whether friends are worth keeping if they do not respect your request to stop making jokes at your expense.
Real friends should take advice on board; inability to communicate this boundary suggests they are not real friends.
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Allow social skills to develop naturally with age.
Some abilities come with settling into your skin over time.
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Tell a funny story structured like a joke rather than telling a direct joke.
Stories do not have a high chance of failure like jokes do, and they avoid showing you are trying to be funny. It ensures you are not still talking when people are meant to be laughing.
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Take an improv class to gain experience, practice thinking on your feet, and build scene skills.
It fosters community support and teaches how to draw in an audience and interact with partners.
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Use a commanding voice with varied pitch and tone, and show excitement to add to your storytelling charisma.
Listeners can feed off your energy.
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Record yourself telling a story and analyze the video to improve your delivery.
Most people cannot tell an engaging story without practice.
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Read books and write reviews with summaries to improve your storytelling structure.
One person reported this improved their storytelling.
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Work on your confidence, as it may lead to being naturally more funny.
Lack of confidence can hinder natural humor.
one person who lived it
Establish trust with others before using deep or sarcastic humor.
Trust is required to reach deeper levels of humor.
one person who lived it
Make jokes primarily to make yourself laugh rather than seeking validation from others.
It can be enjoyable if used correctly, though it may sound boring or allow for terrible humor.
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Seek new life experiences, such as watching new shows or traveling, instead of forcing humor.
Forcing oneself to be funny is unfunny; new experiences refresh your sense of humor.
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Engage others with empathy instead of focusing on your internal emotions if you are struggling to be funny.
Focusing on internal emotions may prevent engaging others with empathy.
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Avoid using humor in sensitive environments like funeral homes.
Humor is not appreciated in these settings.
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Describe the setting and include small details rather than starting midway through events.
Listeners do not know the background context.
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Listen actively and log content for later callbacks instead of speaking nonsense or forcing a queue.
It is better to be quiet and listen than to pour nonsense into someone's ears.
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Stick to the chronological order of events when telling a story and avoid lying.
Lying can cause you to get stuck and create awkwardness.
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Structure anecdotes with a beginning (setup), middle (conflict), and end (resolution).
It is easy to learn through practice.
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Modulate your voice tone, emphasize key words, and use hand gestures to maintain engagement.
Humans are visual animals.
one person who lived it
Ask people questions about themselves and listen rather than talking about yourself.
This ensures conversations aren't shallow.
one person who lived it
Commit to an unpolished, obvious response rather than waiting for a witty reply when navigating playful conversation.
A lot of direct messaging involves improvising and rolling with it.
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Provide specific context and details about the joke and situation when seeking advice on social interactions.
Vague information forces others to speculate, preventing them from giving useful advice.
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Take up small talk or light joking with service workers like cashiers before entering significant social situations.
Practicing conversations prior to arriving makes socializing easier.
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Recognize that most people focus on relationship management first and truth second, unlike literal speech which prioritizes truth and efficiency.
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