Interaction
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Take a year off from college to work or do something else if college is a struggle, to avoid a self-destructive circle.
Taking a year off to work can lead to being much happier.
one person who lived it
Chase excellence in your own life rather than chasing people.
10 people, independently
Memorize and apply the rules from 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to improve social skills.
The book helped with social skills.
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- Read books about interpersonal communication, such as 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' or 'The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People'.3
Limit your social time to one day a week if you prefer quiet settings and do not like being social.
You should not feel pressured to conform to other people's energy.
one person who lived it
Remember that strangers do not care about your mistakes and will not remember them, which helps you relax.
Strangers have other things to worry about, so your embarrassment does not stay in their heads.
4 people, independently
accept, people18
Focus on enjoying yourself and connecting with people instead of trying to prove anything or show off.
If you are a slow burn, accept that style as different rather than lesser, and do not force yourself to mimic quick-fitting outsiders.
Being a slow burn is just different, not any lesser.
one person who lived it
Spend less time with those who drain you and more with those who boost your self-esteem.
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Direct your attention to understanding the other person instead of tracking your own mental state or guessing what they wish to hear.
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If you are working toward bigger goals, try small daily actions like jogging or doing a set of pushups for a few minutes.
One person reported this helped them achieve bigger goals.
one person who lived it
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Stop letting other people's judgment control you.
otherwise you are stuck in endless circles, unable to move forward
one person who lived it
Take action rather than just planning or researching.
You become a participant by doing, not by reading guides or watching others.
one person who lived it
Focus on enjoying yourself and connecting with people instead of trying to prove anything or show off.
4 people, independently
Accept yourself and recognize that your unique traits are valuable rather than trying to be like others.
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Accept that acting differently according to situations and people is normal; do not label yourself.
You are simply YOU.
one person who lived it
Do not worry about mistakes because everyone is focused on themselves.
People are generally only concerned with their own lives.
one person who lived it
Find friends who are secure in their own lives and achievements, so they do not react with envy or jealousy to your success.
one person who lived it
Realize that people are focused on their own tasks and do not care about you, which reduces the pressure of being observed.
one person who lived it
Identify and halt negative thoughts to improve your mental state.
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Limit technology use to business, family, emergencies, and absolute necessities starting 30 minutes after deciding to do so.
to reduce distraction
one person who lived it
Pretend nothing happened and treat critics with kindness rather than confronting them.
Confrontation may cause them to victimize themselves.
one person who lived it
Avoid finding comfort in fancying yourself as intelligent, special, rare, or different; instead, actively find ways to connect if social life is needed for your goals.
one person who lived it
Define your own path to happiness rather than letting society dictate that socializing is required.
one person who lived it
Excuse yourself from situations where you feel excluded without worrying about appearing demanding.
one person who lived it
skills, social, improve, person11
Get a job that requires interacting with people to improve social skills.
Socialize at every opportunity and study people who are good at it to learn how to interact.
You will likely be bad at first, but you will never improve if you do not try.
one person who lived it
If you struggle with social mistakes, focus on listening to others instead of staying in your own head.
One person found they made fewer mistakes when listening rather than being in their own head.
one person who lived it
Get a job that requires interacting with people to improve social skills.
Forced socialization in a job setting improves social skills.
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Take acting classes to practice social engagement in a safe setting.
The skills translated to real life.
one person who lived it
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Work in high-volume customer interaction environments, such as retail, to accelerate the acquisition of social skills.
One person reported picking up significant social skills after working in retail for around 5 years.
- Based on one person's experience transitioning from timidity to skill via retail work.
one person who lived it
Take a class on a topic you enjoy, such as classic movies, to naturally build social skills through group discussion.
Discussing the subject in a group naturally builds social skills.
one person who lived it
Embrace making mistakes in social interactions to enable the practice necessary for learning social skills.
Socialization is learned through practice, which requires overcoming the fear of mistakes.
one person who lived it
Join an online forum or a club related to your interests to start making progress in social skills.
Any progress made in socializing is considered good.
one person who lived it
Attend group meetups instead of one-on-one interactions to reduce social pressure.
Group settings carry less pressure than individual interactions.
one person who lived it
Befriend an extraverted person and listen to them to learn socializing skills.
3 people, independently
Complete a structured challenge to accelerate social skill development, rather than relying solely on courses or books.
One person reported that things really launched for them only after completing a challenge, which they felt was the most important factor in increasing their ability.
one person who lived it
confidence, confident, approachable, smile24
Practice facial expressions and smile to appear approachable.
Work out at the gym or at home to increase your sense of confidence.
You will feel more confident and fit better in your clothes.
one person who lived it
Remind yourself that people are not observant enough to remember your face five minutes after an interaction, so failures are inconsequential.
People won't remember you if you mess up.
one person who lived it
Set weekly goals to attend social events and interact with specific numbers of new people, such as talking to at least three people or meeting one new person per week.
This approach helped with jobs, networking, relationships, and exploding social confidence.
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- Set small, realistic social goals, such as spectating events or attending fairs, and translate negative thoughts into positive ones.1
Read 'The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem' by Nathaniel Branden to build self-esteem.
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18 more on this
Consider shaving your head for a bald look if you are experiencing thinning hair.
It looks really good on men in this age bracket.
one person who lived it
Acknowledge your fear and push through it, rather than avoiding it.
Courage is defined as acknowledging fear and pushing through, not the absence of fear.
one person who lived it
Practice what you plan to say for interviews or dates in front of a mirror.
Planning ahead helps you feel more confident.
one person who lived it
Join a combat gym and attend regularly to become comfortable in your own body.
One person found this made them really comfortable in their own body.
one person who lived it
Smile when entering a room to appear friendly and approachable.
It creates a positive first impression, relaxes others, and lifts your facial features.
- Do not do this in a holding cell.
- Some people may respect those who do not smile more.
one person who lived it
- Practice facial expressions and smile to appear approachable.11
Travel alone to build confidence in talking to strangers and asking for help.
Traveling forces you to be more open and makes it easy to ask for advice or directions.
one person who lived it
Be genuine in your enthusiasm rather than faking it, to avoid appearing fake.
Faking it may lead others to think it is fake.
one person who lived it
State your current honest feelings, such as surprise or fear, during interactions.
It projects confidence and eases your mind.
one person who lived it
Use a person you feel comfortable around as an anchor when meeting new groups or unsure of the vibe.
It makes the situation easier.
one person who lived it
Believe that you are good at conversing to prevent others from mirroring awkwardness back to you.
Thinking you are awkward causes people to mirror that behavior in conversation.
one person who lived it
Dress in nice, well-fitting clothes to appear confident, which helps you feel confident.
Looking better equals feeling better; one person walked with more confidence because their outfit made them feel confident.
one person who lived it
Accept that saying something stupid is an inevitability and do not let it affect you.
Confident people either are unaware of these moments or realize they are inevitable and do not let them affect them.
one person who lived it
Use facial expressions to show agreement and empathy while listening to make others feel safer and closer to you.
It makes them feel safer and more familiar with you.
one person who lived it
Reframe your identity from 'good guy' to 'shy' or 'boring,' and view social actions as 'daring' rather than 'cringe.'
one person who lived it
Maintain good posture by opening your chest and avoiding slouching to appear more approachable.
Good posture helps.
one person who lived it
Give an immediate impression that you are a social person, as future perceptions will be based on this attribution.
Following actions are interpreted based on the initial premise that you are social.
one person who lived it
Check for unconscious frowning while smiling to avoid intimidating others.
Drawing eyebrows down during a smile can intimidate people.
one person who lived it
Hit the gym to boost overall confidence.
Increased confidence can help in unexpected social situations.
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conversation, topics, start, talk26
Initiate chats by discussing popular topics or posing queries to locate shared interests.
Tell the person you are trying to befriend what you are going through to use it as an icebreaker.
They may think you do not like them, and this conversation can serve as an icebreaker.
one person who lived it
Ask for casual, non-committal dates like coffee after work.
There is little downside.
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Ask what the conversation is about if you don't know the topic.
They will likely show you pictures or fill you in.
one person who lived it
Reframe the goal of entering a conversation from 'will this person like me?' to 'will I like this person?'.
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Take up conversation before asking someone out to gauge their reaction and responsiveness.
It allows you to judge how they respond first.
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Speak up to friends about topics that drain your energy, even if you fear offense.
It may boost energy and return conversations to mutual interests.
one person who lived it
Pick out a series to bond over with your sister to make her more open and accepting.
Bonding over a shared interest can make her more open and accepting of you.
one person who lived it
Start new hobbies and activities to develop passions that provide material for conversation.
Being passionate about things allows you to talk about them extensively.
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Initiate chats by discussing popular topics or posing queries to locate shared interests.
People enjoy discussing themselves, and questioning them is an initial move toward discovering mutual ground.
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Approach people and start conversations by asking non-personal questions or offering sincere compliments to show genuine interest.
People want to feel good about themselves, which helps them open up and leads to friendship.
one person who lived it
If someone initiates a conversation, make an effort to keep it going, even if it feels exhausting at first.
Finding a common interest can make the conversation easier and more enjoyable.
one person who lived it
Take up small talk to connect with strangers, viewing it as a way to share moments of friendship rather than just boring conversation.
Small talk has beauty in connecting based on simple observations like weather, and increases chances of finding genuine connections.
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Look for existing context or shared experiences, such as being in the same class, to create a basis for conversation.
Having context makes it easier to start talking to strangers.
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Keep up with current events, trending topics, podcasts, or articles to have ready-made subjects for conversation.
It helps spark good conversations.
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Ask questions with genuine interest to make conversation easier and create opportunities for jokes.
It encourages the other person to share more.
one person who lived it
Start conversations by mentioning you are following the local sports team and asking if the other person saw the game.
Local sports topics are usually safe and inoffensive.
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Start social interactions with simple greetings like 'Hey, what's up?' rather than compliments.
Compliments can be misinterpreted as flirty.
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Ask cashiers or baristas how their day or work is going to practice small talk in a low-stress environment.
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Take up interesting activities like watching TV, practicing sports, traveling, or reading to have natural topics to share.
Having an interesting life provides cool things to share naturally.
one person who lived it
Create preference lists for simple interests like movies, food, or music to have topics to talk about.
Ranking items from daily activities helps generate conversation topics.
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Ask open-ended questions to show genuine curiosity about others, which can make conversations easier outside of work.
Focusing on being genuinely curious makes conversations easier.
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Initiate conversation by asking for a practical item like a pen or directions.
These requests serve as effective conversation starters that can lead to further engagement.
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Take up casual conversation with strangers by complimenting their dog or clothing.
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- Start conversations with a quick, random comment about something happening around you and drop the topic if they do not seem engaged.1
Bring up a point closely tied to the current discussion, then gradually shift the talk toward an entirely unrelated subject.
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Look into reading 'How To Talk To Anybody', as it was recommended for your specific circumstances.
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eye, contact, people, greeting50
Practice being friendly and interactive in automatic interactions with service workers like cashiers and servers.
Reframe forced small talk from strangers as a genuine attempt to brighten someone's day rather than a social faux pas.
A stranger taking extra seconds to treat you well likely makes them feel good.
- Holding up lines or delaying busy servers is self-indulgent and rude.
one person who lived it
Look happy to see others.
People cannot resist feeling cared for when someone appears glad they are there.
one person who lived it
Do not reject invitations to hang out.
If you reject someone, they will likely not invite you the next time.
one person who lived it
Nicely ask if you are the third wheel if you feel excluded after trying to engage.
Sometimes people don't realize what they're doing.
one person who lived it
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Match your greeting habits to the area: waving is typical in rural spots but can seem strange in urban centers.
Social norms vary by region; what feels normal in places like rural Illinois or Minnesota may be viewed as rude or odd in cities like NYC or on the West Coast.
- In some places, it is rude not to acknowledge others; in others, it draws silent stares.
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Maintain eye contact to connect easily with the person you are talking to.
It helps you connect very easily.
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Use a simple head gesture to acknowledge someone friendly without speaking, but be aware this can make some people uncomfortable.
A simple gesture lets the other person know you are friendly.
- Some people felt uncomfortable seeing smiles and nods for no reason.
one person who lived it
Say 'hi', 'morning', or 'nice day' to strangers while walking, especially in regions where this is customary.
It is polite and common in some areas.
- In cities, this can be extremely weird; in villages, it is normal.
one person who lived it
Stop talking so much around people who show signs of disinterest or annoyance.
They don't want to hear it.
one person who lived it
Reframe initiating conversation as a gift rather than a selfish imposition, recognizing that most people are delighted to talk.
The assumption that taking up time when you want to talk is selfish is wrong.
one person who lived it
Listen and show interest in what others are saying when you don't know what to say.
People usually like genuine and kind listeners.
one person who lived it
Focus on seeming interested in other people rather than trying to seem normal.
Socializing is a two-way thing.
one person who lived it
Communicate agreement to show your values align and that you are on their side.
It is primal and powerful for bonding within tribes.
one person who lived it
Be aware that taking things at face value and missing context can trigger assumptions of autism in others.
It is the quickest way the 'autism radar' gets tripped for many people when someone does not engage socially.
one person who lived it
Avoid staring into people's eyes or faces for more than one second.
Staring makes others uncomfortable and causes frustrated looks that you might misinterpret as disgust.
one person who lived it
Write only meaningful messages in group chats and avoid being pushy.
People often ignore those who write too much.
one person who lived it
Read non-verbal cues like eye contact; if someone avoids eye contact or looks away, keep walking.
Avoiding eye contact typically signals they do not want to talk.
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Stand quietly in circles at social events to observe how others interact and learn their conversational rituals.
Observing allows you to identify patterns and opening questions used by others, which you can then practice.
- It may feel weird at first, but others may already perceive you as unusual anyway.
one person who lived it
Read 'The Like Switch' by the FBI author to identify and stop unintentional 'foe' signals.
The book helps recognize when you are giving off 'foe' signals unintentionally.
one person who lived it
Read an etiquette book, such as 'Miss Manners Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior,' to learn proper behavior.
It is funny and useful.
one person who lived it
Initiate conversations by smiling broadly and greeting people enthusiastically when you make eye contact.
Most people smile back and are grateful you spoke first because they were worried about not speaking to anyone.
one person who lived it
- Initiate acknowledgment of others by smiling, nodding, or greeting them.5
Interject with short, genuine comments like 'oh my god' or 'that's funny' when something interests you.
People appreciate it.
one person who lived it
Nod or say a brief greeting like 'good morning' instead of waving at strangers in urban or formal settings.
Waving can cause confusion, leading strangers to think you are waving at someone behind them or mistaking them for someone else.
one person who lived it
Accept conversations from others when you are minding your own business; it is not weird because you did not initiate the approach.
The distinction between being creepy and normal is that you were minding your business when approached, rather than actively seeking them out.
one person who lived it
Persist in greeting neighbors regularly to build familiarity; one approach that helped was continuing to say hello until they started coming around.
Seeing you more often helps them know you're a regular.
one person who lived it
Accept who you are by being comfortable showing your true self to strangers, regardless of whether they ignore you or engage.
one person who lived it
Do not assume a declined invitation reflects negative feelings toward you.
There are many reasons for saying no beyond personal sentiment.
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Be sincere and do not force outgoing behavior unless you genuinely feel compelled in the moment.
Forcing it likely backfires; sincerity makes changes seem less weird.
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Embrace the quirks and 'cringey' behaviors of loved ones as part of their character, recognizing these are often the things we miss most when they are gone.
one person who lived it
Maintain eye contact when saying goodbye to make the interaction feel sincere and memorable.
Eye contact imparts sincerity and makes exchanges more real.
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Notice other introverts and strike up conversations with them.
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Avoid appearing absorbed in your phone, reading, or music to prevent signaling disinterest in interaction.
Closed-off posture or being busy gives off the vibe that you aren't interested, causing people not to talk to you.
one person who lived it
Pay attention to others and inquire about their experiences. Respond to their final remark spontaneously, rather than prepping your reply.
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Listen to others to counter perceptions of eccentricity.
People often perceive self-showing off as eccentricity; listening solves this perception.
one person who lived it
Actively contribute to conversations and activities so your presence is not negligible.
Adding nothing makes your presence negligible and gives no reason for inclusion.
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Express gratitude for every opinion shared, viewing even factually incorrect statements as insight into who the person is.
Sharing incorrect facts gives you new information about who they are.
one person who lived it
Expect few conversations in non-social environments like grocery stores, as such interactions are rare there.
These places are not social environments.
one person who lived it
Avoid entering social situations with strong anticipations; simply converse and observe how things unfold.
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Acknowledge that some friendships may fade naturally after periods of minimal interaction.
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Keep initial interactions brief to avoid making the situation feel weird.
A brief interaction can still result in polite future acknowledgments without creating discomfort.
one person who lived it
Learn the names and personal facts of employees at stores you frequent to maintain rapport.
one person who lived it
Apologize to friends if you realize you have unintentionally left them out.
- Based on one person's experience
one person who lived it
Say hi sparingly rather than ignoring everyone completely to appear more friendly.
It makes you seem more friendly than completely ignoring everyone.
one person who lived it
Maintain eye contact (or look at eyebrows/forehead) to appear engaged and participating.
Looking engaged usually leads to being considered a participant and potentially roped into the conversation.
one person who lived it
Contribute to the conversation through facial expressions.
Facial expressions count as contributions.
one person who lived it
Demonstrate enthusiasm by maintaining eye contact and practicing active listening.
These behaviors convey presence and warmth.
one person who lived it
Make a conscious effort to compliment people more often during interactions.
5 people, independently
Practice being friendly and interactive in automatic interactions with service workers like cashiers and servers.
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Study concepts like 'emotional bids' (such as via The Art of Charm podcast) to better understand social overtures if you have been perceived as emotionally unintuitive.
one person who lived it
people, social, help, participate24
Join Meetup groups that suit your interests to find fun experiences and people.
Do stuff and go places to meet people and participate in group activities.
You will get better at it.
one person who lived it
Participate in group hobbies outside your home to gradually expand your social circle.
Group activities are often the best way to begin building a social network.
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Ask kind and compassionate people for help with specific social questions.
They will be happy to help.
one person who lived it
Spend time with people whose values align with yours and who possess traits you aspire to have.
One person reported never being bored in such company.
one person who lived it
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Reframe social interaction as inherently fun, similar to enjoying TV or good food, rather than analyzing its utility.
Sociable people answer 'how will this benefit me?' by saying 'this is fun,' just like watching TV or eating good food.
one person who lived it
Connect with locals by joining a sports team, book club, or volunteering regularly.
Participating in groups is an effective method for meeting new people.
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Start with small steps like joining a gym or book club to talk to friendly, empathetic crowds.
Crowds at these places are usually friendly and empathetic.
one person who lived it
Join board game groups to meet people, as they are social and have many genres to explore.
Board games are fun and social.
one person who lived it
Volunteer with a friend to interact with new people while maintaining social support.
Having a friend provides a social contract that helps you keep going.
one person who lived it
Volunteer as a firefighter if available in your area.
It is described as very enjoyable.
- Only if available in your area.
one person who lived it
Join Meetup groups that suit your interests to find fun experiences and people.
63 people, independently
Read 'The Power of Now' and actively ask people about their hobbies, interests, and family.
This approach helped one person on a social journey open their eyes and connect with others.
one person who lived it
Share your interests publicly, such as through social media, to attract people who share them and gain a sense of what relationships should feel like.
It allows you to attract people with your interests and creates parasocial relationships that give you a feel for how connections should feel.
one person who lived it
Gamify socializing by trying to tell jokes better than average people to get chuckles out of others.
It may help you feel less awkward.
one person who lived it
Get a pet to use as a conversation topic and for emotional support.
Pets are great at listening, don't judge social awkwardness, and help practice basic conversations.
one person who lived it
Ask a good friend to act as a wingman to help you socialize with others.
4 people, independently
Join a social hobby you genuinely enjoy to reintroduce yourself to socializing in a structured, low-pressure environment.
It helps with the 'what's in it for me?' attitude and provides a conversational subject; it is easier because you have a common hobby to talk about and can gradually ease into it.
one person who lived it
Focus on the journey of spending time and sharing experiences with people, rather than seeking a specific destination or end goal for every interaction.
It helps build relationships through shared enjoyment.
one person who lived it
Give socializing a clear purpose, such as helping people or solving problems, to make initiation easier and communication more genuine.
Focusing on a purpose like listening for solutions makes reaching out easier.
one person who lived it
Consider joining a swing dancing group, as it is popular among engineers and can be a way to meet friends.
one person who lived it
Share specific interests, such as gaming, to bond with others.
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Prefer activity-based socializing over pure sitting-and-chatting.
It satisfies a craving for purpose-driven interactions.
one person who lived it
Socialize with young people, who often have fewer responsibilities, more energy, and genuine curiosity about others.
They are generally less jaded from social interaction.
one person who lived it
Participate in shared activities where everyone takes part.
Common ground reduces awkwardness and facilitates interesting conversation.
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Talk about topics you are passionate about and knowledgeable in to reduce stress.
Stress arises when conversations fall outside this realm.
- Not everyone wants to hear about complex passions.
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Step out of your comfort zone to socialize in small steps, gradually embracing the discomfort.
Slowly weaning yourself into socializing is the biggest part of overcoming social anxiety, and discomfort is a vital part of growth.
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Consider going on a mission trip to leave your home environment without the pressure to speak.
It removes you from your usual setting and speaking is not required.
one person who lived it
If you speak softly or feel overwhelmed by loud personalities in groups, prefer one-on-one interactions where you are heard better.
In groups, loud voices often drown out soft speakers, making it pointless to struggle to be heard; one-on-ones allow soft speakers to communicate more.
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Record yourself talking on video and revisit the footage regularly to observe what stands out.
One person did this obsessively in their early 20s and found it very helpful.
one person who lived it
Practice posture work by walking with your head up and shoulders back.
Gym helps, but specific posture practice is also recommended.
one person who lived it
Volunteer for charity work to lose shyness by socializing with others under the guise of helping.
It provides a good excuse for socializing.
one person who lived it
Try singing or picking up a musical instrument to help with stuttering and join communities in that field.
Singing sometimes helps with stuttering, and musical fields offer communities to become part of.
one person who lived it
If you feel antisocial, allow yourself to be quiet instead of forcing conversation.
It reduces the negative feelings associated with being standoffish.
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Take a role that requires constant interaction, like serving drinks or food, to overcome the discomfort of initiating chats.
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If you struggle with social awkwardness, seek out people who let you be yourself without judgment so you can learn to modulate your behavior through trial and error.
one person who lived it
Adopt an attitude of not caring about flaws like stuttering, as confidence in not letting them define you is attractive.
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