Interpersonal
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Strive to be an exceptional listener.
People will love you for it.
3 people, independently
Practice smiling in a mirror by squinting your eyes slightly and keeping lips closed.
A genuine smile comes from the eyes, not the mouth.
3 people, independently
- Smile using your cheeks and eyes rather than focusing on showing teeth.4
- Practice smiling in low-stakes situations with strangers, such as during grocery shopping or on public transport, until it becomes a reflex.5
- Rehearse smiling in the mirror until the look feels less stiff and more at ease.7
- Use a minimal smile by stretching the corners of your mouth outward just a couple of millimeters.4
Consider standing up for yourself as your primary job to create space for your work.
Once you have space to stand, you will have space to work on your assigned tasks.
one person who lived it
Accept people as they are, seeing their flaws and liking them regardless, to connect on a human level.
People deep down like those who accept them.
one person who lived it
Genuinely like people and think life is cool.
The rest follows.
one person who lived it
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Work out the validity of criticism based on its own merits, regardless of who gives it.
Valuable insights can come from unexpected sources or those with opposing viewpoints.
- Do not accept criticism as fact; decide for yourself if it is well-founded.
6 people, independently
Stop trying to justify, explain, or defend yourself to others.
One person reported that when they stopped doing this, people finally took them seriously.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Deal only with what IS happening, not what SHOULD happen.
Ideals vs reality.
one person who lived it
If you struggle with social acceptance, try copying the way of being of someone you admire who is liked by others.
One person reported this worked for them because they liked that person's traits and others did too.
- This is based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
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Do not obsess over controlling how others perceive you, as you cannot control it.
You cannot control anyone but yourself.
- You can influence people however.
2 people, independently
Be kind, respectful, honorable, and stand for what is right.
People will enjoy being around you.
one person who lived it
Genuinely enjoy spending time with people and act to appreciate them so they feel heard.
People like those who like them back.
one person who lived it
Like yourself a lot, as people tend to copy that self-assurance.
people copy that
one person who lived it
Focus on feeling at ease with yourself before concerning yourself with how others perceive you.
6 people, independently
Ask trusted friends of either gender for honest feedback on how you come across, making it clear you want truth and thanking them.
Trusted, socially aware people can provide brutally honest insights.
- Explain that you won't be hurt by the truth.
one person who lived it
Avoid people who love drama and toxicity, as they often turn on you regardless of initial kindness.
One person found that no matter how good these people are starting off, they eventually turn on you.
one person who lived it
Respect people and show genuine interest in getting to know them to make them feel good around you.
Making people feel bad means they won't care about your attractiveness or money.
2 people, independently
Challenge people to improve rather than calling them out, and praise them when they do.
People respect those who challenge them to improve, especially when praised for doing so.
one person who lived it
Focus on your own goals and life rather than caring what others think, projecting that attitude to gain confidence and relax.
Projecting this focus helps you gain confidence and learn to relax.
one person who lived it
Cultivate empathy within yourself, as it is difficult to be a nice person without it.
It's hard to be a nice person without empathy.
one person who lived it
Stop trying to please everyone; just stay yourself and avoid being intentionally rude or mean.
Trying to please people leads to becoming a people pleaser.
one person who lived it
- Avoid being a people pleaser.1
Stay true to yourself and do not let negative labels from others affect your confidence, as their behavior reflects on them, not you.
What a jerk does shows more about their relationship with themselves than anything about you.
one person who lived it
Seek out people who accept you as you are rather than trying to appeal to everyone.
Not everyone will like you, and you won't like everyone; finding your specific group allows you to be yourself.
one person who lived it
Do not assume high upvote counts indicate good advice.
People often like posts because they sound good without critical thought.
one person who lived it
Experience others as likeable internally so it reflects in your mannerisms.
It is difficult to fake easily and we can sense it.
one person who lived it
Start by genuinely caring about other people.
It is a starting point for being loved.
one person who lived it
Stop trying to mimic people you cannot connect with; maintain your own identity to avoid becoming someone you hate.
Trying to be like them can lead to adopting negative behaviors and hating the person you become.
one person who lived it
Accept that it is normal not to be 100% confident all the time because you are human, not a robot.
one person who lived it
Recognize that people you view as perfect are just normal humans with their own insecurities and problems.
This realization allows you to be more authentic.
one person who lived it
Adopt a mindset of not caring about others' opinions to gain confidence and draw people in.
Realizing that no one's opinion matters more than your own allows you to be authentic, which attracts others.
one person who lived it
Try to emanate love.
It might change your vibe or aura.
one person who lived it
Pick up trash left by others to show compassion and selflessness.
It signals care for the earth and a lack of selfishness.
one person who lived it
Stop giving life advice in absolutes because they are rarely correct.
Life isn't black and white.
one person who lived it
Keep yourself busy doing things you like to discover yourself and deal with awkwardness.
Putting yourself out there helps you discover yourself.
one person who lived it
Read or listen to 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle to start reprogramming your mind.
3 people, independently
Do not change your core personality to fit in or avoid mockery; remain authentic even if others are immature.
Changing who you are is insincere.
one person who lived it
Talk to people openly rather than keeping to yourself.
Keeping to yourself can make others perceive you as thinking you are better than them.
2 people, independently
Focus on truth preservation over persuasion in logic or debate.
The point of logic isn't persuasion.
one person who lived it
Be authentic rather than saying what people want to hear.
Insincerity signals a lack of backbone and causes an immediate loss of respect.
one person who lived it
Read 'One, No One and One Hundred Thousand' to understand the difference between how others perceive you and your true self.
The book illustrates that no one knows your true self, and trying to correct everyone's perspective can lead to madness.
one person who lived it
Commit to a 21-day challenge of saying nothing negative.
Suppressing natural responses requires effort and willpower, which acts like a muscle.
one person who lived it
Be a positive person who boosts others' moods and avoids gossip to encourage approachability.
People are drawn to those who keep time flying and make them feel loved or approachable.
one person who lived it
Do not judge or hassle others for having experiences you lack.
Life is not a competition to consume, and there are infinite things you have never experienced.
one person who lived it
In informal social situations, try to be yourself and stop thinking so hard about how others perceive you.
One person shifted from analyzing every perception to just being themselves over time.
- Acknowledged as harder to do initially.
one person who lived it
Speak your mind without fearing judgment, accepting that awkwardness and silence are okay.
People appreciate honesty and it bonds them to you.
one person who lived it
Be reliable and supportive to friends when they need help to become someone others want around.
Dependability makes you desirable and 'cool' because the group can count on you.
one person who lived it
Say 'believe whatever you want' to shut down arguments about your truthfulness.
You cannot change people's beliefs about you.
one person who lived it
Put yourself out there more frequently to increase the chances of finding respectful people.
Finding compatible people is described as a numbers game.
one person who lived it
Stay true to yourself and avoid faking your interests or attitude.
Faking things can drag you down, while authenticity helps you grow charisma.
one person who lived it
Leave your ego at the door, be genuinely empathetic, and prefer listening to others over talking about yourself.
Likable people usually show genuine empathy and listen to others instead of zoning out waiting for their turn to talk.
one person who lived it
Get comfortable with yourself so others feel comfortable around you.
The most likable people are those who are comfortable with themselves, which makes others comfortable too.
one person who lived it
Approach people with kindness and empathy, remembering they may be going through difficult times.
Do not judge by appearances; someone standing tall may have recently suffered a major loss like the death of a parent or child.
one person who lived it
Maintain authenticity while being positive and avoid being predictable.
If people can guess what you'd say, they are less likely to talk to you.
one person who lived it
Base your opinions on concrete evidence and research both sides of an argument to understand why people hold different views.
Listening to only one side prevents you from being capable of debating the issue.
one person who lived it
Learn to be assertive and stand up for yourself if you are frequently underestimated in activities you love.
One person realized they needed to learn assertiveness to continue enjoying what they loved.
one person who lived it
Tell others specifically how funny or creative they are.
It makes them feel good.
one person who lived it
Spend time around younger people if you find they are less likely to patronize you and more likely to listen without giving unsolicited advice.
One person reported feeling able to speak their mind and be heard without judgment or mockery in these settings.
- This reflects one person's experience.
one person who lived it
Care about the other person as a human being rather than focusing solely on their attractiveness.
You shouldn't come across as creepy.
one person who lived it
Embrace your quirks and unconventional traits to connect with compatible people.
Being weird or quirky helps you click better with others who are similar.
one person who lived it
- Embrace your unique personality and quirks.1
Focus on implementing social skills tips rather than worrying about what others are thinking of you.
You cannot control what other people think.
one person who lived it
Mirror the energy level of the people you are interacting with.
You cannot fake enthusiasm if the other person is being a killjoy.
one person who lived it
Reframe social performance not as putting on an act, but as being malleable and dynamic to navigate life's situations.
This reframing makes things more manageable.
one person who lived it
Cultivate kindness, contentment, confidence, sympathy, empathy, strength, courage, and wit.
These traits make you approachable and fun to be around.
one person who lived it
Stop analyzing your social skills and just be yourself.
Analyzing too much leads nowhere.
one person who lived it
Be yourself naturally rather than fabricating a persona.
Pretending to be something you are not is a fast way to get misery, and authenticity cannot be learned or fabricated.
one person who lived it
Reframe explanations of basic concepts as an effort to ensure everyone is on the same level, rather than a judgment of your intelligence.
People are often hesitant to admit they don't know something, fearing it is shameful.
one person who lived it
Ask for a source when someone makes a surprising claim.
This can expose potential fabrication.
one person who lived it
Adopt a persona of charm, confidence, and asking questions about what others want to talk about, faking it until it becomes natural.
One person reported purposely changing their entire personality this way, and it eventually became who they were.
one person who lived it
Analyze why a specific person gave you advice at a specific time to gain insight into your relationships and privacy boundaries, even if you ignore the advice itself.
The circumstances provide more insight than the advice offered, such as revealing leaks of private information.
one person who lived it
Make others feel comfortable while projecting confidence that you have something special to offer.
This combination creates the 'IT' factor.
one person who lived it
Go out with positive energy already within you.
It will be difficult otherwise.
one person who lived it
Chase excellence rather than chasing people who have rejected you.
one person who lived it
Practice being thick-skinned by making jokes at your own expense and accepting awkwardness without caring about the outcome.
Constant interaction despite fear eventually leads to finding someone you click with.
one person who lived it
Focus on your own strengths and unique qualities instead of envying extraverts.
Others may seek out your unique virtues, and extraversion has weaknesses that often go unconsidered.
one person who lived it
Observe others' behaviors and preferred communication methods within independent contexts rather than judging them based on isolated experiences.
Many interpersonal issues would disappear if people measured behavior this way instead of using isolated experiences as the standard.
one person who lived it
Build charisma by being genuinely real, present, and caring toward the people you interact with.
3 people, independently
Use the fact that others underestimate you to your advantage.
Someone thinking you're stupid means they'll most likely underestimate you, allowing you to use that information to your advantage.
one person who lived it
Pay attention to criticism that makes a good point, but discard unfair criticism and do not take it personally.
3 people, independently
Avoid taking advice from people who never question themselves.
People who question themselves present their views as possibilities to consider rather than absolute truths.
one person who lived it
Enter interactions looking to give value rather than seeking approval or acceptance.
Seeking approval acts as a repellant, while giving value changes the dynamic.
one person who lived it
Accept that feeling like socializing is an act is normal if it is a new behavior that has not yet become automatic.
Trying out new behaviors that are not yet automatic is obviously pretty exhausting.
one person who lived it
Apologize for your actions instead of asking for permission when appropriate.
It is sometimes easier to apologize than to ask for permission.
one person who lived it
Own your personality type even if it isn't naturally 'chill,' and accept that not everyone will like you.
one person who lived it
Let others finish their thoughts without interrupting.
Constantly interrupting can make people feel unheard and disrespected.
one person who lived it
Accept that you cannot be everyone's favorite person.
Trying to be everyone's favorite is a futile endeavor.
one person who lived it
Form your own opinion of people rather than relying on others' judgments before meeting them.
one person who lived it
Treat social skills as learnable abilities like driving or reading, and put in effort to acquire them for significant life benefits.
2 people, independently
Stand up for yourself by speaking softly but maintaining a firm attitude.
one person who lived it
Gain actual practice talking to people rather than seeking more theoretical knowledge, as experience will help automate social behaviors and reduce overthinking.
Overthinking is reduced by getting used to these things through enough experience.
one person who lived it
Adopt a positive attitude and avoid constantly complaining.
Complaining brings the whole mood down.
one person who lived it
Be consistent in your social behavior by avoiding alternating between social and antisocial days, so you do not appear unapproachable.
Alternating makes people view you as unapproachable.
one person who lived it
Speak instinctively without letting negative judgments cross your mind.
Overthinking can ruin positive vibes and cause awkwardness.
one person who lived it
In casual social contexts, highlight specific positive aspects or ask supportive questions instead of offering brutal honesty.
Brutal honesty may cause the other person to lose confidence and quit; protecting their enthusiasm benefits them.
one person who lived it
Keep going despite criticism, recognizing that some people criticize for fun or due to personality mismatches, knowing someone compatible exists.
Criticism often stems from the critic's motives or mismatched personalities, not your worth.
one person who lived it
Seek to understand others' unique verbal and nonverbal communication styles before seeking to be understood.
Communication is idiosyncratic, meaning it is unique to an individual.
one person who lived it
Make empathy and compassion conditional based on your tolerance levels.
Empathy and compassion do not have to be unconditional.
one person who lived it
Rediscover yourself by identifying and pursuing hobbies you enjoy.
3 people, independently
Recognize that happiness relies on external conditions that can change at any moment.
one person who lived it
Project positive vibes to add to likability.
Positive vibes go far.
one person who lived it
Admit mistakes humbly and vulnerably rather than covering them up, as this makes you appear more likable, relatable, and believable.
Vulnerability from an expert makes the scenario believable and enhances likability.
one person who lived it
Practice awareness of both yourself and others' thoughts and emotions, rather than focusing solely on self-awareness.
one person who lived it
Study social skills resources, such as specific YouTube channels, to learn charisma through effort and practice.
3 people, independently
Practice accepting that you may disagree with others during conversations.
4 people, independently
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Fake a smile if it helps you appear approachable, even if it feels unnatural or like acting.
Chew gum for about a week to exercise facial muscles, which may make it easier to smile.
It serves as a workout for all face muscles and helped one person find it much easier to smile at others.
- This might just be me
one person who lived it
Try smiling to project confidence if you feel nervous, but be aware that forcing a smile can look awkward or unnatural for some people.
It may help others perceive you as confident.
- Forcing a nervous smile can make some people look like Tina Belcher from Bob's Burgers.
one person who lived it
Do not force a smile if you do not feel like it; accept being perceived as serious rather than appearing unattractive through faked expressions.
People can pick up on forced smiles and find them unattractive.
3 people, independently
- You do not need to smile if you are not being rude, as most people will likely not notice or care about your neutral expression.1
- Fake a smile if it helps you appear approachable, even if it feels unnatural or like acting.5
- If you have a resting face that looks mad or mean, consider smiling to avoid being perceived as angry, while balancing against appearing arrogant from smiling too much.1
- Keep a neutral or resting face in formal settings rather than smiling constantly.1
- Learn how to smile if you have a resting expression that annoys people, as this can reduce such annoyance.1
Force a smile in the mirror for about 20 seconds when feeling bad to improve your mood.
One person reported feeling in a better mood after doing this at work.
one person who lived it
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Use your hands and fingers to physically simulate how a serious expression feels on your face, especially if mirrors are not helpful.
Mirrors aren't that helpful when you don't see.
- Recommended by one person's therapist.
one person who lived it
If you want to change how you act, notice when you are smiling and consciously take the situation more seriously.
This allows you to act properly.
one person who lived it
Smile while talking to others to show you want to engage and appear welcoming.
It is an easy way to be engaging.
2 people, independently
- Focus on being engaged in conversation instead of forcing a smile.1
If you are not feeling well, think of something pleasant, like a pet, to induce a genuine smile.
Thinking of a loved one puts a smile in your heart and on your face.
one person who lived it
Treat smiling at strangers as a low-stakes game to make light of your discomfort.
Over time, this approach makes the act easier.
one person who lived it
Clamp down hard on the inner lip or tongue to distract yourself from unwanted grins, leveraging the necessary focus to sharpen your attention.
The act demands concentration, which aids focus.
- Not sure if this is unique to one person's experience.
3 people, independently
Resist wearing a fake smile; instead, smile with your eyes and remember to breathe.
Socializing is easier this way.
one person who lived it
Look for good things in life and acknowledge what you are thankful for to make smiling easier.
Acknowledging gratitude makes smiling become easier.
one person who lived it
Smile for yourself when you are happy or laughing, rather than playing to others' expectations.
Playing to others' expectations does a disservice to yourself.
one person who lived it
Say 'Smile like you farted!' right before taking a photo to elicit a genuine, startled laugh-smile.
It startles people, makes them laugh, and produces incredibly genuine smiles.
2 people, independently
- Repeatedly say 'hahaha' aloud until the forced repetition triggers genuine laughter to help you relax for photos.1
Be upbeat and genuinely love laughing.
People report feeling instant warmth from those who meet these two criteria.
one person who lived it
Soften your eyes and keep a small mouth smile to signal that you are safe and approachable.
It signals safety and approachability.
one person who lived it
- Use a 'light social smile'—a tight, reserved mouth smile that signals you are harmless rather than interested.1
Recall a funny memory or picture someone laughing to trigger a genuine smile.
Genuine smiles often emerge from actual laughter or the mental image of it.
4 people, independently
- Answer 'yes' to questions or imagine saying yes to pleasant scenarios to create a natural smile.1
Be aware that smiling at strangers can be perceived as creepy, insincere, or deceptive in certain cultures, such as parts of Europe or Russia.
In some cultures, smiling is seen as an attempt to gain an advantage or is viewed as never-ending cheeriness.
one person who lived it
Smile frequently and act as nice as possible during interactions to convey that you are a nice person.
It helps counteract perceptions of arrogance or coldness by sending the message that you are a nice person.
one person who lived it
Smile often and say hello to people more frequently to reprogram old behavioral patterns into natural habits.
It helps reprogram yourself out of old patterns so the behavior comes naturally.
one person who lived it
Smile politely at unfunny stories to signal that the relationship matters more than the humor.
It communicates that maintaining the relationship is more important than whether the story is funny or not.
one person who lived it
Use emojis and smiley faces in online text conversations to convey emotion and prevent misinterpretation of tone.
4 people, independently
Avoid raising your voice pitch at the end of sentences to prevent sounding insecure.
It can make you sound as if you are asking a question.
- Based on one person's observation about women.
one person who lived it
Raise your voice pitch and soften your tone to sound friendly, as a deep or monotone voice may be perceived as annoyed.
People may perceive a deeper, monotone voice as annoyance, while a higher, softer tone is seen as sweet and ensures they listen.
one person who lived it
Talk slower than usual to allow time to process and organize your thoughts.
Talking slower helps control vocal pitch to a lower level and makes you appear more pleasant.
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Pause before reacting to forceful demands by saying 'Let me think about that' to use the delay as a shield against manipulation.
The pause acts as a shield against manipulation.
one person who lived it
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Show real curiosity about the individual you are speaking with.
Ask questions like 'why' and 'how' frequently to drive deeper social interaction.
It can help with shyness and is a strong trait if used right.
- It might annoy people around you.
one person who lived it
Cultivate an interesting life with hobbies so you have substantive things to talk about.
Without it, you may come across as boring with nothing to say.
3 people, independently
- Do things you find interesting and become passionate about them to have enthusiastic topics to discuss when asked about yourself.3
Give space and do not persist if the other person seems uninterested, gives one-line answers, or does not further the conversation.
Persisting might make them find you creepy.
3 people, independently
- End the initial conversation after three to five minutes if the other person is still interested.1
- Stop pushing for conversation if answers lack personalization or contain sparse or generic details.1
Be nice and helpful in brief social interactions.
It helps people like you even if you feel awkward.
one person who lived it
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Push yourself to say or do awkward things.
This can help you make good connections.
one person who lived it
Give others your full attention, match their energy, and ask good questions.
People don't like to feel judged.
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Use intuition to guess what new people might be interested in to guide the conversation.
It goes a long way.
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Learn how to start conversations with strangers to reduce awkwardness.
It helps to be friendly and make things less awkward.
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Join a local Toastmasters club or similar group to practice networking and leadership skills.
It can help make up for lost ground.
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Avoid sharing negativity or bad news as a talking point.
It brings people down rather than engaging them.
2 people, independently
Find a life focus like a hobby or long-held interest to ease social pressure.
It provides a focus and eases the pressure you talk about.
one person who lived it
Join improv classes to improve listening, thinking on your feet, and comfort with awkward moments.
One person reported this helped them the most by forcing them to listen better and think on their feet.
one person who lived it
Listen to mundane updates from others to learn details about their lives and find common ground.
One person learned a co-worker played Dungeons & Dragons this way and now they play together.
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Inquire about people' passions, interests, hobbies, and viewpoints.
Most people enjoy discussing themselves.
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- Ask people about themselves in a non-creepy way and be an active listener.1
Ask what year someone graduated instead of their age to make the question feel less intrusive.
It is perceived as a less weird question.
one person who lived it
Share extra information about yourself to allow others to connect with you faster.
People warm up faster when you provide this context.
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Act comfortable and initiate conversation in new environments by asking questions or commenting on class topics.
No one knows you yet, so they don't know if you are shy or talkative.
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Take up small talk to signal friendliness and openness to interaction.
It shows others you are approachable and gives them permission to speak with you.
4 people, independently
Read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' and focus on asking the right questions while talking primarily about the other person.
This approach can help you make progress in the beginning of interactions.
one person who lived it
Focus on being curious and actively listening over trying to be witty or sell yourself.
Curiosity helps you find interesting things everywhere; people who really listen and pay attention to why a subject is important are the most interesting.
2 people, independently
- Listen actively and show curiosity to make others feel valued.1
Show real curiosity about the individual you are speaking with.
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- Show you care by remembering details others share and asking about those things later.5
Let the other person talk about themselves; do not rush to share interesting details about yourself.
Social interactions are for the other person's benefit, not yours. Listening long enough may lead them to reveal their deepest thoughts.
one person who lived it
Balance expressing your hobbies with listening to avoid coming across as boring or tongue-tied.
It is a fine line between expression and appearing self-focused.
one person who lived it
Ask 'how' questions rather than 'what' questions to invite people to expand on their experiences.
'What' questions can elicit short responses, while 'how' questions invite expansion.
one person who lived it
Train yourself to stop talking excessively and ask questions instead to discover wonderful stories and insights from others.
People have valuable experiences and insights to share that you will miss if you keep talking.
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Respond to personal questions with enthusiasm and zero judgment.
It is crucial.
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Ask questions and be succinct to give others space in conversations.
Dominating conversations without allowing others to contribute can be seen as self-centered and dismissive.
one person who lived it
Suggest a casual coffee break to break the ice with a coworker.
It is casual, somewhat work-related, but also more personal.
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Try new activities, sports, or hobbies to gain experience and potentially discover hidden passions or meet like-minded people.
Unique activities were how one person met 'my people'.
2 people, independently
Be the person who actively does things and invites others to join you.
Being interesting is largely about being the one who takes action and includes others.
one person who lived it
Ask specific questions that force the other person to defend their position.
They often haven't thought through their arguments and lack a real defense.
one person who lived it
Smile a lot and show interest in other people.
This helps have the desired effect of connecting confidently.
one person who lived it
Focus on practicing casual, low-stakes friendly interactions through repeated visits rather than trying to make deep connections immediately.
Deep connections with staff are built up after repeated interactions, not in a single interaction.
- Avoid using names and handshakes the first time.
one person who lived it
Provide supportive responses in conversation without necessarily agreeing with everything said.
It makes everyone feel special after the conversation.
- Do not be a 'yes man'; support does not mean saying 'you are right'.
one person who lived it
Hone social skills by working part-time jobs in retail, customer service, or bartending to practice reading body language and adjusting your demeanor.
These roles provide repeated opportunities to speak to people and gauge reactions through tips and body language.
one person who lived it
Ensure conversations are a give-and-take rather than an interview-style interrogation.
Constantly asking questions about them can feel like an interview and isn't enjoyable for everyone.
one person who lived it
Develop and articulate thoughtful opinions on a wide range of topics.
This trait makes a person interesting.
one person who lived it
Show genuine interest in other people's hobbies and obsessions, even if you don't care about the topic yourself.
It is an important part of having interesting conversations.
one person who lived it
Keep responses to casual inquiries simple and vague rather than emotional or detailed.
It is more relatable and people react better.
one person who lived it
Ask specific questions about people's past experiences, such as their childhood or travel history, rather than asking for opinions.
People love talking about themselves and find more fulfillment in interactions where they do so; avoiding this can make you seem overly quiet.
one person who lived it
Use minimal 'NPC mode' responses like 'yeah', 'oh really', or 'wow' in casual conversations if you do not wish to contribute actively.
One person reported this approach yielded positive results.
one person who lived it
Listen actively during conversations and use the information shared to do something that shows you care.
It demonstrates that you truly care.
one person who lived it
Practice manners, small talk, courtesy, and hygiene to build trust and deepen relationships.
These seemingly superficial rules are important for building trust.
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Find a topic you have passion or enthusiasm for to help conversations take off.
Enthusiasm and social energy make conversations take off.
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Hang on the other person's every word without fawning or faking interest.
This behavior is attractive in friends, romantic partners, and business contexts.
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Show common courtesy by responding promptly, taking interest, and listening.
Common courtesy goes a long way.
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Develop the ability to make small talk for future professional networking and workplace interactions.
Skills that seem unnecessary now often prove valuable later in life.
2 people, independently
Communicate your progress to leadership on a quarterly basis to ensure visibility.
To ensure you are seen by leadership.
one person who lived it
Acknowledge small talk remarks with a follow-up comment or well-wish to signal friendliness and maintain conversational flow.
Ignoring such remarks can make the other person feel weird; engaging shows you are also friendly.
one person who lived it
Treat strangers like you already know them by initiating conversations, giving compliments, acknowledging them, smiling, and making jokes.
One person observed that these actions share good vibes, causing others to instantly like them.
one person who lived it
Ask a random question during a conversation gap without forcing it to connect to previous topics.
Forcing unrelated connections makes the interaction feel weird.
one person who lived it
Act excited and interested when arriving at social events by asking acquaintances about their recent activities.
Over time, this practice may lead to actually becoming excited to see them.
one person who lived it
Initiate conversations and pay attention to others to build rapport.
Many people want attention and conversation initiation, which can offset bad behavior.
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Ensure conversations are two-sided by actively listening and responding interactively rather than just nodding or saying 'mhm'.
People who only listen or give minimal responses make others feel like they aren't interested.
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Demonstrate engagement and curiosity toward others to build relationships quickly.
It signals interest and builds connection rapidly.
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Demonstrate interest in conversations by asking questions about the topic.
Recommended by a therapist to demonstrate interest.
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Avoid conversational dead ends by adding your own perspective or asking questions when someone shares something with you.
Failing to add perspective or ask questions creates 'conversational black holes'.
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Initiate conversations about interesting topics rather than speaking merely to fill silence.
Quality conversation generates more engagement than forced small talk.
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Develop popular interests like music or football to initiate and participate in small talk.
Common interests serve as meaningful conversation fodder that grabs attention.
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One approach that helped someone become social: study psychology in your free time and practice its applications until it becomes second nature.
- This required years of work for the individual cited.
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invitations, invite, meet9
Invite someone twice; if they do not respond or attend after two tries, stop initiating and let them take the lead.
You should not wait around forever.
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Host gatherings yourself to choose the type of events and people you meet.
One person reported that hosting allowed them to pick cool and interesting people and grow their friend group.
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Invite acquaintances to small group meals like lunch or dinner instead of one-on-one meetings.
Small groups are less awkward than one-on-one interactions and allow you to meet more people.
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Envision everyone you meet as a potential friend and focus on friendship over romance to reduce pressure.
This approach helped one person.
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Ask for dates directly and take the lead by establishing specific times, places, and logistics.
Being clear with your motives is important.
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Maintain your own hobbies, projects, and goals independent of dating to appear confident and passionate.
Having a purpose and relying on friends for support helps avoid appearing needy.
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Invite women to group events rather than one-on-one activities to signal platonic intent.
One-on-one invitations are likely interpreted as dates, while group invitations are assumed to be friendly.
one person who lived it
Decline expensive invitations by humorously noting their higher spending power or stating you are saving for a specific goal like a car or house.
It compliments them while clearly signaling your unwillingness to spend.
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Take up common interests like pop music, gigs, sports, or local popular activities to increase the likelihood of invitations.
Interest in these shared activities makes you more likely to be invited.
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body, language, eye, contact33
Put away your phone when waiting in public spaces to appear more available for interaction.
Be the first to initiate physical greetings, such as shaking hands or hugging, to reduce awkwardness and set the tone.
People are drawn to those who smile or act first, and they will follow your lead.
- Some people may dislike you regardless of your actions.
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Ensure your actions clearly match your intent; for example, an older man asking a younger woman for her number can appear creepy if the intent isn't clear.
A 'Creep' is defined as someone whose actions don't show their intent.
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Try to find things you like about others and keep a good demeanor.
People can become defensive when nervous.
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If you have quirks like not laughing at jokes, state them sincerely to put others at ease.
It stops people from judging you and can be disarming or amusing.
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Wear sunglasses in public if you have a habit of fixing your gaze on people for too long.
It prevents staring, which can be impossible to control otherwise.
- Based on one person's experience with this issue.
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Accept yourself even if you feel awkward, so others mirror that acceptance rather than sensing negative gloom.
Others tend to pick up on how comfortable you are with your own demeanor.
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Relax your body and mind to appear chill, which causes others to mirror your calmness; use breathing, leaning, or sitting to get this.
People mirror each other. Focusing on the body being comfortable calms the mind.
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Read and understand body language.
It can take you further than anything else.
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Present yourself as a good listener by greeting people when entering a room, smiling, nodding, saying 'yes', and holding eye contact.
It counters the perception that you are quiet because you don't care to talk.
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Look at the other person's mouth instead of their eyes if direct eye contact is uncomfortable.
It is in the same region so they won't notice you aren't looking in their eyes, and it serves as a start.
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Hum a showtune or pretend to talk to a family member on the phone when walking at night.
It makes you seem unthreatening to strangers.
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Adopt confident body language by keeping your chest up, back straight, and shoulders back.
This makes you appear more confident, actually increases your confidence, and causes people to like you more.
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Consciously work on your body language by avoiding crossing your legs and arms.
One person reported that not crossing limbs made a noticeable difference.
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Trust your gut feelings and 'creepy radar,' which are shaped by past experiences and signs like staring or inappropriate smiling.
Past experiences shape this radar.
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Recognize that others may project unfounded fears onto quiet people because they cannot read their emotions.
People often imagine worst-case scenarios when they struggle to interpret someone's demeanor.
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Put away your phone when waiting in public spaces to appear more available for interaction.
People are more likely to approach someone who is looking around rather than staring at their phone.
3 people, independently
Show up with calm reactions, consistent behavior, and emotional steadiness to make others feel at ease.
This approach involves less effort and more presence.
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Use reassuring body language, such as smiling and maintaining eye contact, to appear comforting while remaining quiet.
Positive non-verbal cues help quiet people come across as good listeners rather than awkward.
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Cultivate both warmth and confidence to avoid seeming desperate or arrogant.
Lacking confidence with warmth can make one seem desperate or clingy; lacking warmth with confidence can make one seem arrogant.
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Show indifference to teasing about physical traits to appear attractive and avoid becoming an easy target.
Worrying about perception signals that it is an easy way for others to mess with you.
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Stand up straight, lift your chin, and make eye contact to appear confident and avoid being misunderstood as uncomfortable.
Carrying oneself in a way that expresses discomfort leads others to misinterpret one's demeanor; smiling also helps.
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Consciously fight involuntary awkward reactions by faking relaxed behavior until it becomes second nature.
It feels stressful at first but gets easier with time.
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Recognize that people may treat you as weird because you mirror their internalized shame or because they hate that you aren't wearing a mask or facade.
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Do not stare at someone endlessly without saying anything.
Staring silently is perceived as creepy.
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Allow people to look away occasionally.
It may give them space to relive a memory or frame sentences carefully.
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Instinctively judge the vibe of a room and interact accordingly to make people comfortable.
Assessing how people feel and interacting accordingly is the first thing one does upon entering a room.
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Participate non-verbally in conversations by laughing at jokes, making natural facial reactions, and looking at speakers.
This constitutes 'normal quiet' participation.
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Maintain good hygiene, pleasant attire, and relaxed body language to prevent others from judging your quietness based on superficial clues or unconscious bias.
If you are quiet, others rely on odor, hygiene, facial symmetry, and attire as their only information; disheveled appearance and uncomfortable body language trigger unconscious negative judgments.
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Be aware that limited facial expressions or body language signaling a desire to be left alone can lead others to perceive you as arrogant or rude.
Difficulty reading emotional cues often results in negative misinterpretations.
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Adopt a welcoming facial expression and open body language immediately upon meeting someone.
First impressions are formed by appearance before personality is experienced, creating a significant difference between a mean look and a welcoming one.
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Maintain eye contact with unfamiliar people for a few seconds past what feels natural.
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Respect personal space and avoid getting too physically close.
Invading personal space can make people uncomfortable and uneasy.
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Dress cleanly and appropriately, keep shoulders relaxed, and move calmly and measuredly to signal safety.
Erratic movement or hunched posture can signal discomfort; calm, collected movement signals belonging.
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signal, condescending, reacting, rude28
Ignore condescending remarks and disengage from the interaction.
Ask people who talk down to you to repeat themselves; this may cause them to self-correct or feel embarrassed.
This tactic sometimes makes the speaker catch themselves.
- It only works sometimes.
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Avoid acting like a know-it-all to prevent provoking defensive or dismissive reactions from others.
People may try to put you in your place if they feel you are showing off how smart you are.
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Choose not to react to insults or patronizing behavior.
There is strength in not reacting, and others generally want a reaction; it is your decision whether to give it.
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Take communication one step at a time and apologize if you say something rude or weird.
People are usually willing to work with you in this iterative process.
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Give harassers a 'death glare' to signal defiance rather than fear.
Looking scared or quiet encourages them.
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Remain stoic and ask clarifying questions like 'What do you mean?' when patronized to make the offender uncomfortable.
Forcing them to explain their point makes them uncomfortable.
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Greet people you know, even slightly, to avoid appearing rude or snubbing them.
Not greeting someone can be considered a snub or refusal to recognize an acquaintance.
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Use assertive body language to signal that you do not need patronization.
It shows that such behavior is a turn-off.
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Shoot a skeptical look (e.g., eyebrows up) to signal disbelief.
The condescending person may immediately back off.
- you do seem bitchy
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Treat a person who has rejected you as you would any other acquaintance to signal that their rejection does not matter to you.
Treating them normally communicates that you do not care about the rejection.
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Extract useful lessons from angry or insulting critics by listening past their tone.
Even those who heave insults may not be ignorant and can teach you if listened to carefully.
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If you are consistently corrected or ignored at school or work, disengage by being agreeable but cautious, and seek friends who appreciate your intelligence.
You deserve to be listened to.
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Assertively tell objectifying people to stop, recognizing that you decide when interaction ends.
It may seem rude, but it is justified after how they have treated you.
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Answer comments about being quiet directly with phrases like 'I just draw my own conclusion' or a playful 'only with you'.
A quick counter helps you appear mysterious or thoughtful rather than shy.
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Play along exaggeratedly with false statements or provocations to signal that you are not fazed and to let the tactic backfire.
It lets the other person know they are not intelligent enough to influence you.
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Ignore awkward eye contact incidents and move on.
In general, no one cares.
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Do not avoid someone you may have unsettled; instead, remain calm and act cool toward everyone else to shift their perception of you.
Avoiding them appears weird, while being cool to others demonstrates indifference to their opinion.
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Ignore condescending remarks and disengage from the interaction.
Silence gives them no ammunition and makes things awkward for them; it also signals that further communication is fruitless.
3 people, independently
- Deny condescending people the emotional reaction they seek by staying calm and collected.1
Ignore rude comments and insults by continuing with your current activity or finding something else to do.
Reacting gives the insult unnecessary headspace; ignoring it can cause the aggressor to quit trying to put you down.
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Avoid speaking loudly or interrupting others in group settings.
These behaviors make people want to walk away, while noticing interruptions is valued.
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If verbal communication fails, use a look of confusion or disbelief to signal that condescending behavior is inappropriate.
Sometimes a look is all that is needed; if body language doesn't work, verbal boundaries can follow.
- Body language does not always work.
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Avoid imitating romantic behaviors found in movies and books.
Imitating fiction often comes across as creepy in real life.
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If you cannot come up with something genuine during a pause, endure the slightly longer uncomfortable conversation rather than resorting to sarcasm.
This practice helps you get through the discomfort before reacting sarcastically.
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When someone makes an awkward comment, laugh about it gently and playfully for a minute, then let the conversation move on, treating the remark as silly and meaningless.
3 people, independently
Handle rejection by wishing the other party well and maintaining positive energy rather than reacting negatively.
Rejection is not fatal.
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Use dry humor or sarcasm to deflect infantilizing remarks without sounding overly confrontational.
Humor is more effective because setting a boundary without it may lead to accusations of being sensitive.
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Play imaginatively with toddlers using games like high-fives or pretending to be animals, rather than feeling pressured to perform.
Anything imaginative usually works.
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Talk to your boyfriend about his friends' behavior if it bothers you.
He should take your feelings into consideration and address the issue since they are his friends.
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Ask friends or colleagues directly what specific behaviors bother them about you.
You may have a presence or trait that is hard for others to articulate.
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Once trust is lost, create serious boundaries to prevent recurrence and slowly remove the person from your life while remaining civil.
- This reflects one person's experience where trust is usually gone for good once broken.
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lying, lie, liars, information7
If you are caught lying and know the other person is aware, stop lying and confess immediately.
Continuing the lie causes more damage and makes you look worse.
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Do not lie to gain closeness with someone.
If you succeed in getting close, the deception could end the relationship once discovered.
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Look for excessive information or irrelevant details in a response as a potential sign of lying.
Liars often assume you are doubting them and add extra details or make stuff up to compensate.
- Sometimes people give too much information while telling the truth.
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Accept that laypeople can identify flaws in specialized work even if they cannot provide technical solutions.
One does not need expert training to recognize poor quality, such as bad taste in food.
- The critic may lack the knowledge to fix the issue.
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Understand that liars may use confirmation bias to justify future deception after being caught.
They rationalize continued control of information by thinking, 'I knew they wouldn't handle the truth well.'
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Distinguish between lying and being incorrect by considering intent; a lie requires an intent to deceive.
Being ignorant, naive, or incorrect does not constitute a lie.
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Recognize that lying is wrong because it manipulates others' decisions based on your assumptions rather than reality.
Lying deprives people of informed decision-making, invites betrayal reactions when discovered, disrespects their autonomy by filtering information like a parent would, and undermines societal trust.
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women, men, avoid10
Give women space to reveal who they are, particularly in shared niche hobbies.
You may find them cool and interesting.
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View women as both full humans and potential partners simultaneously, so your interest is clear.
If you do not view them as potential partners, they will not know if you are actually interested.
one person who lived it
If you volunteer in prisons or work with at-risk youth, view visible tattoos as an asset that helps you gain attention and connection quickly.
Visible signs of shared experience allow for immediate attention in a way others might not achieve.
one person who lived it
Avoid giving 'drive-by' compliments to strangers walking by; instead, talk to women in non-threatening situations like social groups or lines.
Girls often respond to drive-by compliments as catcalling, even if they are simple and polite.
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Stop viewing social difficulties through a gender lens; focus on connecting with people based on personality instead of assuming universal behaviors for men or women.
There is no universal code to how girls behave or emotions work, nor is there a universal way boys talk.
one person who lived it
Express yourself openly and show your sensitive and empathetic sides.
Many women find men who are not afraid to express these traits attractive.
one person who lived it
Avoid talking to women in confined public spaces like trains or elevators where they cannot easily escape.
These are closed spaces where women are on alert due to risks of harassment and assault.
one person who lived it
Avoid code-switching your language when talking to different genders to show you treat everyone equally.
Switching lingo can seem manipulative or fake.
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Listen and let women finish their sentences without interrupting.
It avoids coming across as creepy.
one person who lived it
Initiate conversations with women yourself, as they generally expect men to take the first step, especially if intimacy is being pursued.
Women expect men to initiate even if the man is attractive.
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friends5
Speak to women with the same light-hearted and friendly demeanor you use with male friends.
React to mentions of opposite-gender friends with the same neutrality as you would for same-gender friends.
This normalizes cross-gender friendships.
one person who lived it
Speak to women with the same light-hearted and friendly demeanor you use with male friends.
Tensing up signals discomfort; treating them like friends allows true conversations to happen naturally.
2 people, independently
Interact with female friends as you would male friends, viewing them as people rather than romantic or sexual objects.
one person who lived it
Stop referring to women as 'females' in social contexts; use 'women' or 'girls' instead.
Calling women 'females' sounds like referring to animal species, which is weird, off-putting, and signals how you view women.
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Do not take it personally if others assume opposite-gender friendships are romantic.
Some people simply see the world differently.
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Read broadly across many subjects to build general knowledge and have more to talk about.
Knowing a lot about various topics makes you more interesting to others.
3 people, independently
Read extensively across fiction, non-fiction, science, history, and art.
Reading teaches content and improves the ability to describe events and ideas using rich language, such as adjectives, adverbs, and metaphors.
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Ensure your smile is genuine by feeling it rather than just wearing it, as genuineness matters more than aesthetic appeal.
The prettiness of a smile is measured by its genuineness, not how aesthetically pleasing it is.
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Recognize that constant smiling from retail employees is often mandated by corporate policy rather than genuine warmth.
Salespeople are trained and required to behave this way.
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Give compliments only when you genuinely mean them to ensure authenticity.
Compliments given out of self-interest reveal that motive, whereas genuine ones make the recipient feel flattered.
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Only praise or elevate someone's reputation if you genuinely believe they deserve it.
Empty flattery trivializes the importance of genuine recognition.
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