Interpersonal relationships
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Maintain good hygiene and ensure you smell good.
Lack of hygiene is off-putting; people often cannot smell their own odor.
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Give compliments to reconnect with people or improve social interactions when you are not feeling sociable.
It can help you start liking people again after a few interactions and can even build friendships.
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Do not be mean to pets or animals.
Cruelty towards animals is a red flag.
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Compliment people on skills or tasks they are good at, even if the tasks seem unimportant or menial, especially during conflict.
It can cause an immediate change in mood.
- Some people may find compliments on menial things annoying.
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Casually compliment strangers on things you genuinely like to brighten their day.
It requires little effort and can provide a small boost to the recipient.
- Some people may find it inconvenient, creepy, or assume ill intent.
- Be careful with cross-gender interactions to avoid being perceived as catcalling or a 'weird creep'.
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- Say compliments out loud to the recipient instead of keeping them to yourself.2
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Refrain from asking intrusive personal questions that are none of your business.
Treat service employees with respect and kindness.
How one treats staff reveals their character.
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Be authentic and show your true self rather than being fake or insincere.
People instantly like those who are authentic; fakeness makes it hard to get along.
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Assume people like you until their behavior proves otherwise.
Assuming people like you leads to behaving more positively, which makes them like you more (a self-fulfilling prophecy).
- This can lead to narcissism.
- Sometimes the internal voice saying 'they don't like you' is right.
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Do not treat politics as a religion or proclaim that opposing political views are evil.
This is a turn-off.
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Tell people what you think is nice about them rather than keeping it to yourself.
People may be unaware of your positive thoughts, and sharing them can improve both parties' days.
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Treat people as they could be, not just as they are, to help them become what they should be.
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If you are a slow processor, tell your partner you need time to sit with things before responding.
It allows you to process the information and later own up if they were right.
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View an insult as a theft to make it easier to accept and avoid negative effects.
It makes the insult easier to accept and reduces its negative impact.
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Tell someone you have complete faith in their abilities when they are nervous about a task.
It can positively affect their confidence and how they are perceived by others.
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Do not constantly complain or focus only on negative aspects of life.
Constant negativity is mentally exhausting and makes people feel like energy leeches.
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Maintain good personal hygiene, including clean nails and fresh hair.
Poor hygiene causes immediate dislike.
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Identify a positive personal trait, such as humor, and mindfully use it to create positive situations at work to build connections.
One person reported becoming more popular at their job by marketing their humor to turn work situations positive.
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Tell someone innocuously that they appeared in your dream to make them feel they impacted your subconscious.
It makes the other person feel good that they made an impact on your subconscious brain.
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Refrain from asking intrusive personal questions that are none of your business.
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Do not strengthen connections through gossip or hating on others together.
Such conversations are not stimulating.
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Avoid intense pessimism or dominating conversations with negativity.
It drains others who are trying to enjoy life.
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Keep conversation simple, appropriate, direct, and concise; avoid droning on or using irritating tones.
It helps you gain entry into social interactions.
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Instead of calling someone dedicated, acknowledge that they showed up despite being tired.
That effort matters.
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Avoid passive-aggressive behavior and insults in communication.
It causes others to despise you.
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Recognize that great teachers may evoke strong emotions like crying, while bad ones are often forgotten.
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Avoid aggressive or limp handshakes.
An aggressive handshake causes immediate dislike; a limp handshake causes disgust.
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If you struggle with a subject like math, focus on grasping underlying concepts rather than just memorizing procedures.
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Compliment a person's effort, decisions, or actions rather than their innate traits or appearance.
Compliment a conscious choice, such as clothing, rather than an innate trait like eye color.
It usually means more and is much more welcome.
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- Compliment changeable aspects like haircuts or clothing rather than unchangeable physical features like body shape or eye color.1
Compliment someone's shoes or sneakers and ask where they got them.
It is hard not to like a person who gives this type of compliment.
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Compliment a person's effort, decisions, or actions rather than their innate traits or appearance.
Praising effort encourages persistence and kindness, whereas praising innate traits can lead to frustration and giving up when challenges arise.
- In the workplace, avoid complimenting the person directly to prevent harassment complaints; focus on the item or action instead.
- Some suggest that looks-based compliments are not inherently wrong if sincere.
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Avoid complimenting strangers on their physical appearance.
It can be perceived as creepy, rude, or objectifying, and comfort zones with such compliments are unpredictable.
- Complimenting things someone cannot control can come off as creepy.
- Avoiding appearance-based compliments helps prevent accusations of sexual misconduct.
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- Be careful when complimenting strangers, as it may seem creepy or cause workplace issues.1
- Handle compliments on physical appearance with care, as comfort levels vary greatly and reactions from strangers are unpredictable.1
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Compliment the results of a behavioral change rather than the change itself.
Focusing on the result (e.g., 'Your room looks good') sounds less pretentious or sarcastic than commenting on the behavior.
- Some people find this type of compliment sarcastic and pretentious.
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Admire an artist's skill and point out specific details that required time or a steady hand, rather than calling them talented.
It shows you put thought into your opinion.
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Lower the bar for compliments by appreciating routine tasks done well, such as a cashier being quick or a partner cooking a good dinner.
Letting people know their job is appreciated is valuable even if they are just doing what they are supposed to do.
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Give sincere, specific compliments to children when they do something well, rather than offering generic praise.
Sincere recognition from an adult means more to children than habitual, unthinking praise, and avoids lying about their creations.
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Remove qualifiers from compliments to ensure they are received as sincere praise.
Qualifiers can make compliments sound like backhanded insults or sarcasm.
- Unqualified praise often connotes sarcasm when used as a full sentence.
- Using compliments in absolute terms in groups frequently can sound disingenuous.
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- Use appropriate qualifiers in compliments rather than removing them entirely.1
Avoid complimenting coworkers on their appearance or scent.
Such comments can be misinterpreted as sexual harassment and may result in complaints.
- One perspective suggests that if you get reported for complimenting clothes, the issue may be your behavior rather than the compliment itself.
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- In professional settings, compliment female coworkers on their actions or accomplishments rather than their appearance to avoid being perceived as making a romantic advance.1
Avoid complimenting women on their bodies in public, as it can be perceived as rude and objectifying.
Such comments can make the recipient feel like an object on display.
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Understand that when someone says flattery won't work, they mean it won't work on them specifically, not that it never works on anyone.
People usually say this after unsuccessfully trying to flatter them.
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When noticing a change in appearance, such as a haircut, add a positive follow-up like 'nice, I like it' to avoid ambiguity.
Simply stating the observation can be taken ambiguously or mean.
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Tell your partner 'You make that dress look good' to convey that they look good regardless of what they are wearing.
It validates their appearance independently of the clothing.
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If you are dignified or quiet, use a nod and a slow, strong delivery of your compliment rather than flowery language.
This approach suits those who speak slowly and strongly and command attention.
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Acknowledge when someone does something nice, does well, or achieves something.
It makes a difference.
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Compliment someone's effort by asking about their process to give them an easy way to respond.
Accepting compliments on traits feels awkward, whereas discussing effort allows the person to share specific actions they took.
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Compliment your significant other spontaneously to show appreciation.
It will seem spontaneous and random.
- If they are browsing the same source as you, it will not seem spontaneous and may lead to unnecessary discussion.
- If compliments are frequently associated with sexual intent, they may lose their meaning.
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When complimenting women, be quick, specific, and do not wait for a reply.
This prevents the compliment from being confused as a romantic advance.
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Be upfront and direct when complimenting someone's shirt, shoes, or makeup, regardless of their age, gender, or race.
People usually smile, and it improves your mood, especially on bad days.
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When complimenting artwork, comment on the technique or skill rather than just the subject matter.
It shows you appreciate the person's artistic skill, whereas not knowing the technique can make you appear insincere.
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Compliment construction workers or people doing physical labor on their specific efforts, such as avoiding damage or controlling dust.
They are appreciative when someone notices the effort they are putting in.
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Use compliments as an icebreaker in professional settings.
It sets a mood.
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Give compliments simply because it is nice, rather than focusing on future success or productivity.
Compliments do not need to be tied to future success.
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Use a compliment on something that stands out about a stranger to start a conversation.
It is an easy way to engage in conversation with people you haven't met.
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Compliment women on their intelligence, strength, or capabilities rather than their appearance.
Focusing only on appearance reduces women to objects; acknowledging their minds and abilities recognizes them as people.
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Distinguish between complimenting an item and complimenting how the item looks on your partner.
There is a significant difference in meaning between liking the object and liking how it looks on the person.
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Express appreciation for specific helpful actions or insights, such as thanking someone for their patience.
It makes the recipient feel valued and reminds them of their positive qualities.
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Compliment yourself daily by finding something positive about yourself.
It is free and equally important to complimenting others.
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Compliment someone's ability to motivate others.
Being described as a good motivator can be a powerful description of one's personality.
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Be aware that being overly nice and complimenting everyone equally can lead to gossip and rumors about your intentions.
Others may misinterpret general kindness as romantic interest or infidelity.
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Avoid making inappropriate or humorous compliments about someone's breasts.
Such comments are likely to be perceived as ill-thought-out or inappropriate.
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Do not force compliments if it becomes painfully obvious you are trying too hard.
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Use specific compliments about an artist's work to initiate conversation, allowing them to share anecdotes about their creative choices.
It helps the conversation flow.
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If you end up in the same direction after giving a compliment, do not immediately return a complementary compliment, as it may seem disingenuous.
Immediately returning a complementary compliment seems disingenuous.
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Prepare for the difficulty of continuing the conversation after giving a compliment.
Continuing the conversation is often harder than giving the compliment itself.
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If you are a bartender, be aware that even neutral compliments can lead to unwanted phone numbers instead of tips.
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If family members are likely to be aggressive or shouty towards staff, remove them from your emergency contact list.
It prevents you from being scared of confrontations when you need hospital treatment.
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Make nursing home visits unpredictable to observe the actual quality of daily care.
Scheduled visits may lead caregivers to prepare the resident only for those times, whereas unpredictable visits reveal routine care standards.
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Inform unit managers or directors about excellent care received by specific staff members.
Staff appreciate recognition from family, but formal acknowledgment from leadership (like a handwritten thank-you card from a CNO) is particularly meaningful.
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Ask physical therapists who work in nursing homes for facility recommendations.
They spend significant time in many facilities talking with residents.
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