Likability
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Focus on being curious about others instead of trying to appear interesting.
Socializing felt easier after I stopped performing and started showing genuine interest.
6 people, independently
Show appreciation through genuine compliments, thank-you notes, and sincere thanks.
It makes people feel appreciated and greatly influences their perception of you.
3 people, independently
Sympathize with others and understand their viewpoint to show that you like them.
People like those who like them.
one person who lived it
Smile and walk toward people to make it clear you are happy to see them.
Others will likely return the smile and feel more positive about your presence.
one person who lived it
Consider that admitting fault even when you believe you are right may prevent the loss of the relationship by winning the argument.
Winning an argument can mean losing it.
- Some find this reinforces bad behavior and do not understand the point of admitting fault when not at fault.
one person who lived it
Treat everyone you contact as if they are the most important person on Earth.
They are the most important person from their own perspective.
one person who lived it
Talk about the other person's interests rather than your own.
19 people, independently
Treat people well with compliments, help, or small talk so they remember you fondly.
Being nice makes people feel special and like you are their friend, creating a good memory of you.
one person who lived it
Avoid arguing, even when you are right.
Telling someone 'You're wrong' never changes their mind and only makes them defensive.
one person who lived it
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Use the word 'because' and use stories to make people 'imagine' scenarios to increase the likelihood of agreement.
Stories bring emotions to bear on the decision process.
one person who lived it
Have confidence in your opinions and avoid agreeing just because it is easy.
Agreeing just to please others makes you seem fake and unpredictable.
one person who lived it
Stand your ground on your values without judging or arguing; leave if pushed too much.
Not giving up your values makes you more liked and respected, whereas pretending to agree to avoid confrontation is a tendency to flip-flop beliefs.
one person who lived it
Possess empathy and understanding while maintaining a backbone.
This is the sweet spot; being overused and undervalued leads to being liked by everyone but not respected.
one person who lived it
Perform polite gestures like holding the door open or pulling out chairs.
The other person will notice these actions, think you are sweet, and feel more comfortable.
one person who lived it
Do not ignore people who want to talk about their tough lives just because they aren't entertaining.
It is wrong to dismiss those with difficult experiences simply for lacking entertainment value.
one person who lived it
Ensure compliments are specific and genuine to avoid seeming suspicious or insincere.
Generic or mismatched praise (like complimenting beat-up shoes or calling a stutter 'unique') can make people like you less or react suspiciously.
2 people, independently
Smile at people with your teeth to promote trustworthiness and good moods.
promotes trustworthiness, good moods
one person who lived it
Keep asking questions about the other person until you find something you can relate to, then let the conversation flow naturally.
This helps conversations ebb and flow easier after finding a shared interest.
one person who lived it
Ask about relationship or family status, but avoid prying into personal plans such as marriage or children.
Asking about plans is considered prying.
one person who lived it
Smile genuinely, or pretend if necessary, to trigger positive endorphins.
You often trick yourself into positive endorphins.
one person who lived it