Making friends

Focus on making just one friend within a group, as you will likely meet the rest of their friend circle through that connection.

It is easier than trying to befriend everyone at once.

2 people, independently

Recognize that friendships vary in depth and not every connection will turn into a close bond.

7 people, independently

• Appreciate friendships when they are present without expecting them to be deep.1
• Accept that making friends is not a binary switch and learn to handle the ups and downs of the process.1
• View friendships as seasonal relationships that come and go rather than expecting permanent bonds.3
• Accept that some classmates will remain just classmates and not become close friends, which is normal.1

Try making friends online, as there is often less social pressure.

there is less social pressure online

• this is based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Use summer break to connect with school peers.

This allows you to enter the school year with at least one friend.

one person who lived it

Remember that you have made friends before and will make friends again.

People like ya.

one person who lived it

Do not complain about having no friends when around people you wish to befriend.

It makes them feel bad and gives the impression that you do not like to keep friends.

one person who lived it

Accept that not everyone will click with you and keep meeting new people to find compatible friends.

Meeting people you don't share interests with is normal; keeping up the effort opens up opportunities to click with people.

• Do not beat yourself up for not clicking with every person you meet.

one person who lived it

• Continue meeting new people and do not become discouraged when immediate connections do not form.3

State clearly what you like and dislike without shyness to filter out those who disagree and keep true friends.

This turns off people who disagree with your positions, leaving only true friends.

one person who lived it

Invite people to do things so they start reciprocating.

This leads to friendships.

one person who lived it

• Accept invitations to meet a friend's other friends.2

Recognize that friend groups evolve annually, creating new opportunities each year.

Groups change as people meet new kids every year.

• Specific to high school context.

one person who lived it

Simply hang out with people without discussing the label of friendship.

Friendship is something you do, not something you talk about.

one person who lived it

Combine being nice with being confident to get the most from your ability to make friends.

Confidence wins.

one person who lived it

Be friendly, smile, and show genuine interest in others to encourage them to want to spend time with you.

People are more likely to want to spend time with those who display these behaviors.

one person who lived it

Accept that making friends requires practice and is not a simple or quick fix.

If it happened instantly, you would not need to practice.

one person who lived it

• Accept that you may not make best friends immediately; use early acquaintances for practice and to meet more people.1

Think of your social circle as a 'friend web' where you are connected to 5-6 friends who connect to others, rather than a single friend group.

one person who lived it

Treat new acquaintances as if they were already good friends.

You will get similar energy from the good ones.

2 people, independently

Seek out groups where you are obligated to spend regular time with others, as this structure fosters friendship.

Spending a set amount of time regularly with someone increases the likelihood of forming a friendship; most friendships rely on this obligation.

one person who lived it

• Focus on consistency in how often you see someone, as frequent contact drives friendship formation.1

Call existing friends via voice or video to strengthen bonds, especially when you cannot meet in person.

Voice or video calls have much more depth than text messages.

one person who lived it

Care less about judgment and ask questions to find common ground with others.

Finding common ground makes making friends much easier.

one person who lived it

Reach out to old friends you have lost touch with or lean on family members to strengthen those relationships.

Reconnecting can be nice and help strengthen bonds with siblings and cousins.

one person who lived it

Ask people to do things with you, even if you are afraid of rejection, to avoid losing friends or quashing potential friendships.

Fear of rejection can lead to lost friendships.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that many people in friend groups are recent acquaintances, which can reduce the fear of rejection.1

Ask potential friends about their life goals to determine if they are achievement-oriented and compatible with you.

It helps you know if you want to be around them.

one person who lived it

Avoid trying to befriend popular cliques late in school, as they may protect their status at your expense.

They may not risk their status to be nice, and rejection can damage self-confidence.

one person who lived it

Put significant effort into asking many people to do things with you over time.

It is a numbers game; asking many people increases the likelihood of having friends.

one person who lived it

Stop comparing yourself to natural social butterflies and focus on finding a few people who resonate with you.

Most people only befriend those who are like them or whom they can stand.

one person who lived it

State your intent to be friends explicitly when the other person has said something funny or worthy.

It seems like they have earned your friendship.

one person who lived it

Use online platforms like Reddit to your advantage to make new friends.

That is why people are on these platforms.

one person who lived it

Maintain your friendships during relationships or after long periods of isolation so you do not neglect them.

Neglecting friends can lead to realizing they have been taken for granted once the relationship ends or lockdowns lift.

one person who lived it

Show up consistently to a new activity alone until connections form naturally over time.

One person reported that showing up week after week for about a year led to deep friendships, including wedding invitations.

one person who lived it

• Consistently show up to events you enjoy to slowly build connections and integrate into friend groups over time.2

Act toward strangers with the same comfort and confidence you show current friends.

Reacting to every person as if they are already your friend allows you to befriend many people.

one person who lived it

Show your 'rough edges' and true self in conversation to allow others to know who you really are.

People like other people's rough edges, and becoming friends requires knowing what you are about.

one person who lived it

Be more social to increase happiness and potentially make lasting friendships.

You will be much more happy.

one person who lived it

Spend time with people in varied offline situations until you realize you don't hate each other's guts.

You make friends by realizing you must be alright with each other after extensive exposure.

one person who lived it

Focus on forming one close friendship within a group so the rest naturally gravitate toward you.

The group will interact and gravitate around you naturally.

one person who lived it

Walk down the hall inviting others to eat at the cafeteria together.

This approach helped build lasting friendships from dorm life.

one person who lived it

Expect that most people will maintain the status quo in friendships and will not initiate contact unless invited.

The natural state for most people is described as passive.

one person who lived it

contact friends and do not assume disinterest if they do not respond within minutes.

Many people wait for others to reach out and may interpret a delay in response as a lack of interest in the friendship.

one person who lived it

Listen intently and go with the flow of conversation rather than following rigid rules.

This approach helps you make friends.

one person who lived it

• Be proactive in social settings by reaching out, asking questions, exchanging contact info, and planning follow-ups.1

Push yourself to ask people out until it becomes a habit.

Consistent effort can lead to forming great friendships globally.

one person who lived it

Create chat groups with people you meet to plan shared tasks like grocery shopping or laundry, followed by grabbing food.

Shared experiences strengthen friendship.

one person who lived it

Learn and use people's names instead of generic greetings to show you are investing in the friendship.

Using a name demonstrates investment in being their friend.

one person who lived it

Allow space and separation in friendships so both parties can do their own thing.

It helps avoid appearing needy or clingy and is part of being comfortable with 'normal' friendship dynamics.

one person who lived it

Consistently attend meetups to build reliable connections over time.

Repeated exposure allows acquaintances to become friends you can casually text; however, be aware that meetups can be inconsistent in quality.

• Meetups are described as 'very hit or miss'.

one person who lived it

Recognize when someone does not care about you as much as you care about them, and keep those friendships strictly for socializing rather than deeper connection.

It is better for both parties to limit the depth of the relationship.

one person who lived it

If you are an introvert, actively fight your instinct to isolate yourself to make friends.

Introverted instincts push you to do things alone rather than be social.

one person who lived it

Visit the same places regularly to spend significant time around the same people.

Friends are usually not made overnight but are people you have been around for a significant amount of time.

one person who lived it

Reach out to past acquaintances you clicked with but never properly connected with.

Most people are flattered to receive such a message, and you have shared history.

one person who lived it

Aim for 'super acquaintances'—people you like enough to designate above standard acquaintances—rather than expecting true friends.

True friends are rare; this approach helps manage expectations.

one person who lived it

Make friends in low-pressure environments where there is no expectation of romance or deep conversation immediately.

It is much easier to make friends when there is no pressure.

one person who lived it

If you are introverted or want to filter for compatibility before meeting in person, make friends online.

It allows you to be more picky and find people with similar habits, such as not drinking.

one person who lived it

Expand your social circle to reduce reliance on a single friend and alleviate feelings of clinginess.

so you don't feel the clinginess

one person who lived it

Build trust and connection gradually before expecting someone to focus on you.

People focus on themselves first; they will only make you a priority after you have built something with them.

one person who lived it

Focus on deepening relationships with two or three people you talk to regularly rather than trying to please everyone.

4 people, independently

Break down the process of making friends into smaller, manageable skills.

It becomes easier to fix specific issues rather than facing a huge problem.

one person who lived it

Sit next to the person you wish to befriend whenever possible to set a routine.

It avoids seeming strange to existing friends if you suddenly stop sitting with them.

one person who lived it

Accept that maintaining friendships is harder than making them.

Socializing is easy, but maintaining those 'friendships' is the hard part.

one person who lived it

Build individual one-on-one friendships first, allowing these connections to potentially lead to wider group introductions.

Deep, lasting authentic friendships often begin with a single encounter.

3 people, independently

• Focus on getting to know people one-on-one personally before integrating into larger friend circles.1

Use school resources to research trades or colleges instead of relying on friends for guidance.

Depending on friends for everything is unfair to them and can lead to alienation.

one person who lived it

To turn an acquaintance into a friend, involve them in a second shared context, such as inviting a coworker to join a hobby group.

People in one circle are generally acquaintances, while those in two circles are friends; being in only one circle makes friendship difficult.

one person who lived it

Seek out environments where people are actively looking for friends rather than relying on random encounters.

Most people do not want more friends, so random encounters are unlikely to yield results.

one person who lived it

Join other parent groups to find friends who share similar life circumstances.

Friendships are built on commonality.

one person who lived it

Stick to fewer people initially to build comfort and closeness before expanding your circle.

It helps you get closer faster and become comfortable around each other.

one person who lived it

• Try to make an extroverted friend with many connections first to accelerate your integration.1

Follow through on social plans instead of canceling them to avoid working against yourself in building friendships.

Canceling plans while complaining about not having friends works against you.

one person who lived it

Keep a regular schedule for daily activities to help with repeated unplanned interactions.

Friendships often start through seeing the same person regularly, such as at breakfast every day.

one person who lived it

Observe socially skilled people and imitate their common-sense behavior rather than pursuing an 'alpha' persona; one person found kindness was the key factor in building a friend group.

• based on one person's experience taking four years

one person who lived it

View friendship-building as an ability that involves specific methods you can practice.

3 people, independently

Be a regular at a specific location to build consistency and trust, which helps others connect with you.

Consistency is important for others to connect with you.

one person who lived it

Ask acquaintances for small favors or show vulnerability to build trust and initiate friendships.

Asking for help builds trust and encourages people to open up.

one person who lived it

Open yourself to meeting new people without making a big announcement or confronting your current friends.

You do not need to frustrate or confront them to make yourself happy.

one person who lived it

Focus your energy on people who show reciprocal interest in you, while remaining friendly with everyone else.

It is better to have fewer friends than to maintain non-reciprocal friendships.

one person who lived it

Invite peers to collaborate on coursework to establish study partnerships.

This is the simplest method for forming friendships immediately.

3 people, independently

If you feel unreciprocated in friendships, try befriending other socially awkward people.

One person reported that this fixed their issue because such friends often put in more effort and genuinely want to hang out.

one person who lived it

Replace non-social habits like watching TV every night with social activities to make room for building friendships.

Non-social habits occupy the time you could otherwise use for reaching out or socializing.

one person who lived it

Recognize that 'work friends' are often situational relationships limited to the workplace.

Many people have trouble distinguishing between a work friend and an actual friend.

one person who lived it

Add new acquaintances on social media and invite them to activities to expand your network through their friends.

Inviting them to do stuff leads to reciprocal invitations and introductions to their friends.

one person who lived it

View friendship-building as a capability requiring consistent practice and refinement.

4 people, independently

• Start by focusing on building a relationship with just one friend or acquaintance at a time.4
• Cease seeking companionship with the goal of gaining a friend; aim instead for enjoyment and casual encounters.3

Accept having fewer friends if maintaining a large social circle distracts you or causes stress.

having less friends is acceptable if it reduces distraction or stress

one person who lived it

Approach making friends with casualness or apathy rather than pressure, acting like a cat.

Putting pressure on finding a friend makes it harder.

one person who lived it

Recognize that connecting with friends of friends is easier than meeting strangers because shared context allows you to show more of your personality.

Friends of friends tend to share similar values and personalities with the original friend.

one person who lived it

Share personal details about yourself to ensure both parties invest time and energy in the friendship.

Friendship requires mutual investment of time and energy to hold meaning.

one person who lived it

Move on from friends who do not reciprocate effort to avoid growing bitter and resentful.

Staying in unreciprocated friendships leads to bitterness.

one person who lived it

Become a regular at social or semi-social events, such as community centers or coffee shops, to build consistent interaction that fosters friendship.

Consistent interaction gains friends in time, even for those who are not outgoing.

one person who lived it

• Show up consistently to small social settings to let familiarity build connections over time.2

Let friendships develop naturally without expecting to meet a best friend immediately.

It is better when connections are natural rather than forced just to have friends.

one person who lived it

Focus on meeting people and having fulfilling, casual, or personal conversations rather than explicitly trying to 'make friends'.

Focusing on 'making friends' can make people act desperate and set high expectations.

one person who lived it

• Have conversations without any motive of making friends; make friends because you are doing something else.1

Be the one to initiate upgrading situational friendships by asking for contact info yourself.

It rarely happens the other way around.

one person who lived it

Focus on listening and empathy over appearing trendy or wealthy to build lasting relationships.

These qualities lead to more fulfilling and enduring connections.

one person who lived it

Keep making social efforts consistently over time instead of quitting when results are not immediate.

Building relationships and social skills takes time.

one person who lived it

Ask to take on a more involved role in extracurricular groups to increase visibility and time spent with peers.

Increased involvement leads to more visibility and shared time, which fosters friendship.

one person who lived it

Be very intentional about taking leave periods from work to socialize.

You cannot develop friendships without taking time to socialize.

one person who lived it

View joining a friend group as expanding their circle rather than breaking in; position yourself as an addition.

one person who lived it

Maintain friendships with women even if there is no romantic interest, as they provide invaluable pointers, setups, and help with perception.

Women friends offer valuable advice and social support regardless of romantic feelings.

one person who lived it

Form connections with classmates by talking about homework before or after class, working on assignments together, or chatting in hallways.

These interactions are common ways people become closer.

one person who lived it

Make acquaintances first and see if the bond sprouts into friendship based on compatibility.

It's a matter of compatibility.

one person who lived it

• Be friendly first, as this is required for friendship to develop.1

Consistently show up around the same people over time to become more comfortable and allow personal connections to develop.

Repeated exposure increases comfort and leads to personal questions being asked.

one person who lived it

Keep your heart and mind open to unexpected friendship opportunities without aggressively introducing yourself to strangers.

Being closed off might cause you to overlook or ignore potential friends.

one person who lived it

Talk to people in everyday roles, such as cashiers and coworkers, rather than limiting social efforts to specific events.

Limiting expectations to single events restricts opportunities to make friends.

one person who lived it

Avoid criticizing everything, as it repels potential friends who may feel criticized themselves.

People wouldn't want a friend who criticizes them too

one person who lived it

If you have limited free time, avoid becoming someone's only friend to prevent unmanageable expectations.

Being the sole friend creates extremely high expectations that are difficult to meet with limited availability.

one person who lived it

Have deep conversations to reveal different aspects of a person's character and identify common interests.

This fosters deeper bonding beyond superficial friendship.

one person who lived it

Take up clubs and volunteering to benefit from repeated casual interactions that transition into friendship over time.

Repeated casual interaction leads to friendliness and eventually friendship.

one person who lived it

Start by being friendly in repeated interactions before extending invitations to spend time outside the usual setting.

Friendships happen over time through increased interactions.

one person who lived it

Form close friendships by repeatedly doing routine activities with people at similar life stages or by going through intense experiences together.

• College/high school has both elements but friendships can be lost as life directions change.
• It gets harder after college, but not harder after that point.

one person who lived it

Create a concrete plan to make friends and execute it consistently, accepting that the process will be difficult and uncomfortable.

one person who lived it

Accept that adult friendship requires repeated, low-pressure contact until a connection clicks.

2 people, independently

• Recognize that adult friendships require constant proximity and regular interaction, a dynamic that is difficult to replicate outside of school environments.1

Consistently show up and remain amiable to gradually deepen relationships within a group.

Proximity and friendliness slowly build closeness.

one person who lived it

Recognize that having no existing friends means no one has preconceptions about you, allowing you to define your own personality.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset that everyone wants friends, so approaching someone is unlikely to be rejected due to them having 'enough' friends.

one person who lived it

Examine your expectations regarding the purpose of friendship.

one person who lived it

Maintain connections with friends and acquaintances by periodically expressing interest in their lives.

4 people, independently

Suggest engaging in activities based on common interests to transition from acquaintance to friend.

3 people, independently

Start talking to people immediately; it does not matter who, where, or what.

It is always the first step.

one person who lived it

• Make the first move to talk to someone.1
• Become a regular at a few spots like libraries, coffee shops, or farmers markets, and take the initiative to start conversations.4
• Start small interactions with strangers, such as asking for directions, opinions, or giving compliments, to gauge openness for further engagement.3
• Approach people by initiating conversation on topics they appear invested in.3

Practice small talk even if you dislike it, viewing it as a skill you are not yet good at rather than a limitation.

Without small talk, it is hard to make friends.

one person who lived it

• Start by saying hi and making small comments to classmates to build familiarity before asking to hang out.1
• Break through awkwardness with new acquaintances using small talk about trivial subjects, such as asking about lunch, visiting local places, or family.1

Garden to attract conversation from passersby.

People tend to stop and talk when you are out in the garden.

one person who lived it

Go to a bar alone and strike up conversations with strangers; if the conversation fails, the person will leave and you still have your drink.

People often forget how a conversation started, and rejection is low-stakes in this setting.

• Crowds vary by venue; find one frequented by young people.

one person who lived it

Walk over and start a conversation with someone standing alone.

They may be hoping someone will say hi.

2 people, independently

• Approach people who are standing alone, as they are likely new to the event as well.1

Approach socializing like athletic training: begin gradually, accumulate practice sessions, and repeat until you feel at ease and desensitized.

After enough interaction with others, chatting becomes effortless.

3 people, independently

Use the word 'you' and the person's name frequently in conversation.

These are powerful words that can make people's brains fire up and make them much more talkative.

one person who lived it

Build rapport with random people at bars or work, then approach them again with enthusiasm if you see them.

You can get a buddy by approaching them with some enthusiasm upon seeing them again.

one person who lived it

Stay quiet at first when joining a table so you can gradually fit in before becoming a regular.

3 people, independently

Give people compliments on their appearance, such as their shirt or shoes, to make them smile and open up conversation.

It gets people smiling.

2 people, independently

Carry small snacks like gum or Nerds to offer to others.

People like nice people

one person who lived it

Offer a piece of gum to someone nearby to break the ice.

This action breaks the ice and starts a conversation.

one person who lived it

• Carry gum to offer others; giving a piece opens the door to conversation, while saying no ends it.1
• Perform subtle acts of kindness, such as leaving gum for a tired peer, to create future conversation opportunities.1

Ask simple questions like how someone's day has been or why they joined a specific club.

These questions can take you far.

one person who lived it

In social situations, look people in the eye and smile to signal that you are open to them coming over.

5 people, independently

Start small by nodding and smiling at classmates before progressing to saying hello.

Starting small creates zero pressure, which can lead to positive responses when you eventually say hi.

one person who lived it

• Initiate conversation by asking questions about class assignments or professors, or by commiserating about something.1

Text or call a friend or family member you haven't heard from in a while to reconnect.

It is easier to strike up a conversation with them than with new people.

one person who lived it

• Start conversations with former friends by referencing familiar topics or old inside jokes.1

Make small talk with gym front-desk staff or people stretching and warming up.

Front-desk staff are often bored and happy for a diversion; those warming up are accessible.

one person who lived it

Use a dog as an icebreaker when going out to meet people in your age group.

A dog serves as an effective conversation starter that can lead to interactions and connections.

one person who lived it

Dress confidently in clothes that stand out, such as favorite band shirts, to encourage others to approach you.

Confidence and standing out make people notice you, and shared interests (like bands) may prompt others to speak with you.

• One person reported this never worked for them; no one approached or indicated interest.

one person who lived it

• Wear clothing that displays your interests, such as team jerseys, to give potential friends an easy conversation starter.5

Take the initiative to introduce yourself and ask for pointers to start a conversation, even if you feel nervous.

Being nervous is normal and part of life.

one person who lived it

Start conversations and get to know colleagues to make friends at work.

Work makes this easy.

one person who lived it

Initiate discussions over lunch or coffee with people who share your interests.

Some of these acquaintances may become friends.

one person who lived it

Aim to talk to at least one person who appears to be a loner, as they are more likely to share niche interests like video games and less likely to reject your approach.

Higher probability of shared interest and lower likelihood of being rebuffed.

one person who lived it

Sit next to someone and introduce yourself directly by stating your name and asking for theirs.

It is described as an efficient approach.

one person who lived it

Practice playfully bouncing off what others say to help them relax and enjoy your company.

It lays the foundation for friendship by making people enjoy talking to you.

one person who lived it

Approach people at music gigs with a genuine question about the band rather than using cheesy pickup lines.

This approach is described as working on both men and women because it feels authentic.

• One person reported getting drunk before approaching.

one person who lived it

Try meeting people in safe areas like online or at work, in environments that force you to open up.

One person became more talkative as they found themselves in environments that forced them to open up.

one person who lived it

Go alone to events, museums, or public spaces and initiate casual conversation with people nearby.

It's slow at first but eventually you'll have a friend or two.

one person who lived it

Use a person's name immediately after they tell you it to help remember it and show welcome.

It makes you more likely to remember the name and appears welcoming when meeting new people.

one person who lived it

Bake brownies or another dessert and offer it to roommates to break the ice.

Food brings people together.

one person who lived it

Start talking to random people to create a social presence that attracts others.

Similar to sales, having activity (people talking) draws others in, whereas an empty space stays dead.

one person who lived it

Ask people about their interests, then steer the conversation toward games to find common ground.

People are usually more willing to talk about what they are interested in than what you are interested in.

one person who lived it

• Start conversations by asking about interests and sharing brief, relevant personal stories to be engaging.1

Take up visible activities like drawing, using a Rubik's cube, or reading comics to attract others who may start talking to you.

Interesting gadgets or activities often cause people to approach you to see what you are doing.

one person who lived it

Start a conversation by asking 'Can I sit here?' and then ask about their classes.

This is described as an easy conversation starter.

one person who lived it

• Ask natural questions about your classes to initiate conversations with classmates.1
• Initiate conversations by talking about class, weather, sports, or giving compliments while being yourself.1
• Start conversations by asking about homework or exams, then smooth it into casual topics.1

Attach enamel pins or badges to your bag to serve as a conversation starter.

People often comment on them.

one person who lived it

Become a regular at a specific location like a coffee shop, gym, or bookstore to make approaching strangers easier.

It is easier than approaching strangers.

one person who lived it

Start conversations by asking why the other person is there or what is going on to find shared context.

Conversations start with common ground.

one person who lived it

Be friendly and hold a conversation instead of focusing on asking someone out; view interactions as human connection, not competition.

If they are interested, you will know.

one person who lived it

• Keep interactions casual at first and build gradually only when mutual interest is shown.1

Greet people consistently, even with simple hellos, to appear open and available.

Others may begin to appreciate your presence and care.

one person who lived it

• Greet those who appear approachable and keep talking if they respond well; skip those who seem uninterested.3

Practice conversation skills at home, then attend hobby groups such as chess clubs, gyms, or walking clubs to engage with others based on their energy.

One person found this helped them overcome fear of talking and strike conversations quickly; shyness may also decrease with age.

one person who lived it

Share personal details like goals, dreams, likes, dislikes, and flaws gradually in relevant conversations to allow others to get to know you.

You cannot connect with someone if they know nothing about you.

one person who lived it

Make an effort to talk to people, ask questions, and engage in small talk to build connections over time.

Consistent and regular interaction is the easiest way to make connections.

2 people, independently

Initiate light conversation or crack a joke in a group setting before asking someone to hang out one-on-one.

Positive responses reduce awkwardness.

one person who lived it

Host low-pressure social gatherings with flexible timing, public locations, snacks, drinks, and activities like games or crafts to help strangers feel comfortable.

These elements make it easier for nervous people to meet strangers.

one person who lived it

Sell even small items at a garage sale to meet people and start conversations in your new area.

It facilitates meeting people.

one person who lived it

Use an instant conversation starter that attracts attention to reduce the need for you to reach out.

It reduces the effort required to initiate contact.

one person who lived it

• Initiate contact by saying something first, such as a greeting or a humorous remark.1

Talk to people about current events in their lives to create openings for future conversations.

It gives you a specific topic to follow up on next time, such as asking how an event went.

one person who lived it

Ask open-ended questions about themselves rather than answering their own questions.

People love talking about themselves, and listening intently helps them become friends fast.

2 people, independently

Sit down with strangers for unscripted casual conversations.

You will be surprised how quickly you go beyond small talk into meaningful territory.

one person who lived it

• Practice casual conversation with strangers without ulterior motives.1

Start conversations with classmates by asking simple questions about homework or tests.

You notice your awkwardness more than they will, and nobody will hate you for it.

one person who lived it

Directly ask strangers if there is room for one more in their group, especially if you have recently moved to the area.

One person reported successfully exchanging numbers after asking this question.

one person who lived it

Target people you see regularly, like neighbors or gym acquaintances, for initiating contact.

They are the most rewarding.

one person who lived it

Use studying sessions as a low-pressure way to hang out, transitioning into casual conversation once serious work is done.

The interaction flows naturally.

one person who lived it

Bring small handheld projects to social occasions to occupy your hands and serve as an immediate conversation starter.

People find this non-threatening and approachable, and are drawn to it.

one person who lived it

Start a conversation with the same people every time you see them in recurring settings like classes.

Consistently seeing the same people allows you to get closer through repeated interaction, which emboldens confidence.

one person who lived it

Strike up conversations with acquaintances beforehand to help them loosen up and give them an idea of your personality before inviting them to hang out.

It helps them loosen up and be more open to you, whereas inviting someone after only short interactions is hit or miss.

one person who lived it

Work a sales job requiring high volume of daily interactions with strangers to practice small talk.

The sheer volume of required conversation helped one person overcome social awkwardness and learn greetings and small talk.

one person who lived it

Initiate chat by noting something obvious or current, then continue only if they seem open to it.

• It can be hit and miss.

6 people, independently

• Enter social interactions without expectations; if a conversation ends quickly, say 'it was nice meeting you!' and move on.1

Observe potential friends to find those with similar traits before approaching them, as this makes starting a simple conversation easier.

Similarity makes starting a conversation on a topic come with ease.

one person who lived it

Strike up conversations with strangers in everyday places like grocery stores, reading body language to gauge interest.

Not everyone wants to be bothered; stopping when signs appear respects boundaries.

2 people, independently

Identify where people with your interests hang out, go there, and initiate small talk by noticing something common between you two.

3 people, independently

Ask strangers directly for local activity recommendations by honestly stating you want to see how others live.

Being honest about your desire to connect can open up conversations.

one person who lived it

Pose questions that encourage people to share about themselves, then follow up to demonstrate your interest.

3 people, independently

Focus on successful small talk to establish potential and demonstrate basic social ability.

It serves as the feeling-out period, first impression, and chance to establish potential.

one person who lived it

Jump into conversations with strangers in class or other settings to initiate contact.

One person reported that throwing themselves into conversations led to chatting a lot and maintaining connections.

one person who lived it

Offer to spot a gym partner or request spotting yourself, then chat about workouts.

4 people, independently

Ask people about their professions or activities when they seem different from the norm to become a better conversationalist.

It allows you to talk about nearly everything and makes you a good talking buddy.

one person who lived it

Casually talk to one person in a group every day to build closeness, which may lead to invitations to hang out.

one person who lived it

• Start conversations with unfamiliar groups by referencing shared context, such as how everyone knows the host or why they are there.3

Use pets as built-in ice-breakers by allowing them to interact with passersby in high-foot-traffic areas you control, such as sitting on your porch.

one person who lived it

Approach strangers at museums or art exhibits to discuss the artwork, as these settings help with conversation.

These environments are not typically visited in large groups, making them suitable for striking up conversations about specific pieces.

one person who lived it

Discuss cultural differences or language barriers openly to start an engaging conversation.

Talking about these difficulties makes people find you interesting.

one person who lived it

Force yourself to leave the house regularly to avoid isolation.

It is easy to isolate yourself, especially if you work from home.

one person who lived it

Make time for hobbies you are genuinely passionate about.

Passion drives commitment.

one person who lived it

Ask older members of clubs to teach you skills if you need help.

They would love to help.

one person who lived it

Take a beginner class in a new subject, such as a language, at a local college or adult learning center.

One person found it fun.

one person who lived it

Attend co-ed gym classes like spin or bootcamps to meet people who decompress together afterward.

People often talk while relaxing after class.

one person who lived it

Join a Jiu-Jitsu gym with a good vibe to filter out difficult personalities.

A good vibe acts as an asshole filter and the community can become like a second family.

one person who lived it

Attend beginner classes for activities like running or climbing to find partners.

People often come to beginner courses on their own and find partners there.

one person who lived it

Take classes in artsy subjects like painting, pottery, or glassblowing.

Other beginners will likely want to talk while they learn.

one person who lived it

Practice aerial silks to have fun in a welcoming environment.

It is challenging but enjoyable, and participants are typically nice and welcoming.

one person who lived it

Try Aikido classes to ease into socializing through a welcoming, low-impact martial arts community.

It helps with stepping out of one's comfort zone, and practitioners are often described as nice and welcoming.

one person who lived it

Take creative classes, such as pottery or stained-glass making, to meet people in a relaxed environment.

3 people, independently

Consider martial arts like Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to meet interesting people and get a workout, as no prior experience is necessary.

It provides an amazing workout and social opportunities without requiring experience.

one person who lived it

Try martial arts to gain automatic respect for attempting something difficult, meet a variety of people, and engage in one-on-one action that provides opportunities to talk.

It offers automatic respect for trying something others won't and variety of people.

one person who lived it

Take short courses at community colleges or similar institutions to meet people with shared learning interests.

one person who lived it

Sit directly with a group you wish to befriend to avoid living with 'what ifs'.

It prevents regret over not trying, even if the group turns out not to be as good as expected.

• The group may not be as good as you thought.

one person who lived it

Break free from the fear of rejection.

It is the only way to allow yourself to be authentic.

one person who lived it

• Get over the fear of rejection by expecting it sometimes, learning from it, and moving on.1

Take the initiative to start conversations and make plans instead of waiting for others to do so.

Most people wait for someone else to act; taking charge is a form of leadership.

2 people, independently

Show your true self to people rather than pretending to like things you do not.

Pretending creates a persona that friends connect with instead of you, making genuine friendship difficult when the truth emerges.

5 people, independently

• Be yourself rather than pretending to attract others, and know what you want in a friend.1

Shift from seeking attention or impressing others to focusing on how to add value to their lives and make them feel good.

People are drawn to those who act like a loving mom rather than a hungry salesman.

one person who lived it

Stop pretending to be someone else based on your social media profile, as it limits you to a small role and restricts who you attract.

Pretending limits yourself to playing a small role (described as 20%) and attracts only people similar to that curated persona.

one person who lived it

Avoid being fake or forced, as people see through it.

People see right through fake or forced behavior.

one person who lived it

• Drop the false persona you feel compelled to maintain.1

Try things even if you might fail, as failing by trying is better than not trying at all.

You can learn from failure.

one person who lived it

Talk to people, try new things, be out there, and be a good or cool person.

There is no secret.

one person who lived it

Speak up and give things a try rather than staying silent, as you will not make friends if you are mute.

You should not regret not doing things.

one person who lived it

Take risks in meeting people, even if they seem unconventional, because there is value to be found.

There is 'gold' out there.

one person who lived it

Do not take it personally if no one else plans things; people appreciate it.

People appreciate this.

one person who lived it

Be yourself and contribute your own personality to the friend group.

It is the most important thing you can contribute.

one person who lived it

Be genuine and honest instead of acting like someone else.

People can detect insincerity.

4 people, independently

• Be honest with yourself and genuinely invested in others, as you cannot fake it.1

Focus on having a good time over trying to be the best at a hobby.

Putting pressure on yourself to be the best detracts from enjoyment.

one person who lived it

Do not fear rejection; view it as a reflection of how the other person feels about themselves rather than a judgment of you.

4 people, independently

Do not use your degree to define yourself.

Focusing heavily on your degree can turn off potential friends or dates.

one person who lived it

Step outside your comfort zone and take the chance to make friends, accepting that not everyone will like you.

• Do not force friendship.

one person who lived it

• Accept that some people will become interested in you while others may think you are weird, recognizing that it is impossible to befriend everyone.1
• Be open to befriending people who seem superficially different from you in age or background.1

Avoid trying to reduce human interaction to a simple set of skills or equations.

People are far too complex with too many confounding variables.

one person who lived it

Learn to do fun activities on your own so you do not depend on friends to enjoy life.

4 people, independently

• Embrace doing things alone, such as going to the cinema, and treat it as 'your thing'.1

Investigate whether you are a 'highly sensitive person' to better understand your social reactions.

You may relate to this concept, which is based on research from the 90s.

one person who lived it

Treat each encounter with long-acquaintances as a new experience rather than trying to recreate past memories.

This mindset has helped one person.

one person who lived it

Show your true self rather than attempting to blend into the crowd.

3 people, independently

• Be yourself so that people looking for your specific type can find you.1

State that not drinking is a personal choice and that you do not judge others for drinking.

When others see you are comfortable with this stance, they become fine with it.

one person who lived it

Replace negative thoughts like 'I have no friends' with a focus on what you want in life to attract better social outcomes.

Negative thoughts hinder progress; focusing on desired outcomes leads to results.

one person who lived it

Treat socializing as a by-product of self-improvement rather than the primary goal.

It keeps the focus on you, not other people.

one person who lived it

Move on from friends who project their insecurities and failures onto you, especially if you are working on self-improvement, as they will drag you down.

They will drag you down.

one person who lived it

Give people multiple chances to show their true character before judging them, since first impressions are often inaccurate.

There is no chance to understand a person from the first look.

one person who lived it

Move on from people who do not reciprocate and remain cordial; avoid holding grudges as they cause self-inflicted pain.

Holding a grudge causes pain to oneself.

one person who lived it

Try different actions instead of repeating the same behavior if you expect change.

Doing the same thing repeatedly does not produce different results.

one person who lived it

Do not assume adults will be uncomfortable befriending teenagers, as you cannot read their minds.

You are projecting your own thoughts onto them rather than knowing what they think.

one person who lived it

Be your authentic self to attract compatible people; if you must pretend to be someone else to gain approval, you are not compatible.

Your behavior screens for people with similar behavior.

one person who lived it

Focus on being relatable rather than trying to impress with social skills or moral superiority.

People care more about how you make them feel than your perceived quality.

one person who lived it

Let go of the goal to 'break in' to a group and instead find comfort in whatever role you occupy.

one person who lived it

Watch the first video of a course to work out its content, ignoring the clickbait title.

The content may contain good points and useful advice despite the misleading title.

one person who lived it

Adopt a mindset of genuine curiosity about others rather than trying to be interesting yourself.

It makes them feel awesome.

one person who lived it

Think of hanging out with a new friend like hanging out with another version of yourself.

one person who lived it

If you worry your social behavior is weird or desperate, ask close friends for feedback to check if your self-perception is accurate.

Self-perception can be a limitation that distorts reality.

one person who lived it

Avoid acting like someone you are not.

It is emotionally draining.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that social situations are temporary and that others' current happiness does not preclude their future struggles.

Bad situations rarely last forever, and those who seem happy will eventually face tough times too.

one person who lived it

Know when to walk away from social situations or friendships.

one person who lived it

Be present and discover who a new acquaintance actually is, rather than fantasizing about who you want them to be.

Playing out future relationship narratives prevents you from seeing how the person actually shows up in your life.

one person who lived it

Recognize that only a small minority of people are initiators; either seek out other initiators or accept the role of initiating with non-initiators.

A theory suggests that only 10-20% of people are initiators.

one person who lived it

Drop your apprehensions and overthinking; simply show up and be yourself without trying to do anything differently.

Doing less allows you to fit right in naturally.

one person who lived it

Accept periods of social change as quiet times for knowing yourself more.

one person who lived it

Seek out moments of genuine connection where you engage with others as your highest self.

one person who lived it

If you have previously unaddressed problems, do not expect instant results; appreciate the learning curve rather than criticizing yourself for slow progress.

It is a learning curve.

one person who lived it

Study body language and actions to better read other people.

Humans are animals, and observing traits allows you to interpret behavior.

one person who lived it

Listen to your internal reasons for why you can or cannot do something and recognize they may not be true.

one person who lived it

Accept temporary discomfort if it is worth it for your future well-being.

one person who lived it

Relax and be yourself.

one person who lived it

Set aside prejudices against people who appear intimidating or cold, as they may be lovely once known.

one person who lived it

Trust your intuition to identify who wants a genuine connection versus who will waste your energy.

Your ability to detect insincerity strengthens over time, such as in college.

one person who lived it

Recognize that some people mask social difficulties well, so do not assume others have it easier.

one person who lived it

Accept frequent failure as a sign that you are growing rather than viewing it as embarrassment.

one person who lived it

Focus on others' interests, problems, and giving solutions while forgetting about invites and rewards.

Chasing butterflies makes them fly away, but mending the garden makes them stay.

one person who lived it

Try new things at least once, even if they seem unappealing initially.

Sometimes not-so-good experiences lead to better ones.

one person who lived it

Observe and emulate the specific admirable traits (such as discipline or creativity) of people you admire, rather than chasing their status directly.

Admired outcomes are often results of underlying processes, such as enjoying a creative pursuit and making it a career.

2 people, independently

If you want to be taken seriously by a group, put significant effort into your participation rather than remaining a casual member.

Casual members are rarely taken seriously.

one person who lived it

Choose realistic goals when starting out rather than attempting unrealistic objectives.

Some goals are plain unrealistic.

one person who lived it

Focus on building yourself until life presents opportunities; when it does, stay calm and collected to seize them.

one person who lived it

Take action on tiny changes, such as meeting a new person you are not close with, to generate a sense of achievement.

one person who lived it

Frame your behavior around being interesting and sharing that with others, rather than trying to infiltrate existing groups.

one person who lived it

Detach from depending too much on specific personalities, situations, or expectations for your peace of mind.

one person who lived it

Recognize that beliefs shape thoughts, which manifest into actions, habits, and ultimately identity.

one person who lived it

Accept that adulthood lacks the forced social structure of youth, requiring intentional effort to create consistent interaction.

one person who lived it

Define yourself through action and exploration rather than searching for a pre-existing identity, recognizing that you are constantly sculpting yourself into new versions.

one person who lived it

Allow relationships to develop naturally without forcing them, accepting that some people will eliminate themselves from your life over time.

one person who lived it

If you were not invited to an event, do not show up uninvited or ask to be included.

Doing so appears strange.

2 people, independently

Gradually prepare yourself to ask to join a group, and if rejected, smile and accept it.

You do not need them.

one person who lived it

Ask to join hangouts in person rather than via text.

Face-to-face requests are harder to ignore and may result in a yes, whereas texts can be ignored.

one person who lived it

Put your phone away when at a social venue to signal openness.

Having your phone out signals that you want to be left alone or are waiting for someone.

one person who lived it

Ask people to join specific tasks such as gym sessions, meals, walks, campus tours, events, errands, study groups, gaming, bookstore visits, or coffee.

A concrete plan for a particular task is better than just 'hanging out' because it sparks imagination.

3 people, independently

Base your first one-on-one hangout around a specific activity rather than drinks or coffee.

Drinks or coffee can imply a date.

one person who lived it

Be bold and suggest meeting up immediately rather than waiting for a distant future event.

Waiting two weeks is long; suggesting a meetup now keeps you in their thoughts and bridges the gap even if they decline.

one person who lived it

Send a text invitation within the first 1 to 10 replies of a conversation.

It is considered the most important step in the process.

one person who lived it

Send a direct text proposing a specific day and activity, such as grabbing coffee and going for a walk, when you have free time.

One person reported this led to regular hangouts.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

• Propose specific low-stakes hangouts like coffee, lunch, or drinks when a conversation ends well.3

Accept invitations to hang out with old friends to integrate into their friend groups.

Saying yes slowly leads to integration into new friend groups.

one person who lived it

Invite people to things to maintain friendships.

One person reported their social life dipped about 2 months after they stopped inviting anyone to anything.

one person who lived it

Take the initiative to invite others to events when no one else does.

6 people, independently

• Make new acquaintances feel included by inviting them to events with your existing friends.1
• Buy tickets to events you want to see even without a companion, then invite friends who share the interest to join you.1

After exchanging contact info, invite the person to join you in a fun activity soon.

This is important for expanding your social circle if you want to hang out again.

2 people, independently

Call friends to ask them to hang out without needing a specific excuse.

Most people enjoy hanging out because humans are social animals.

one person who lived it

Ask for someone's phone number to talk outside of the original context.

It is the most important step.

one person who lived it

Take the initiative to invite people out explicitly, as waiting for invitations often results in none coming.

You cannot count on others to initiate conversation or plans.

4 people, independently

• Casually invite people directly without playing games or sending subtle signals.1

Ask to join activities you know the group is already planning.

People tend to be receptive to those who are actively social.

one person who lived it

Offer a counteroffer with a different day or activity if you cannot make a specific plan but still want to hang out.

It signals that you are rejecting the plan, not the friendship.

one person who lived it

Message your group directly with a simple invitation like 'fancy a smoke?' and brush off a 'no' by saying 'cool, another time.'

It is much more likely they genuinely cannot make it than that they are trying to avoid you.

one person who lived it

Instead of directly asking if you want to be friends, suggest hanging out more.

3 people, independently

If a friend invites you to an event they did not host, ask them if the original host minds your attendance.

The host usually says it is okay, and the worst outcome is simply being told no.

one person who lived it

Plan an activity you want to do regardless, then invite others to join; go alone if no one responds.

6 people, independently

• Go alone to activities you have been waiting for, such as museums or concerts, and be friendly to strangers.1

View invitations from others as acts of kindness rather than pity, and accept them graciously.

You can give kindness back someday.

one person who lived it

Expect people to decline invitations or accept and then flake, as this is normal behavior.

That's just the nature of things.

one person who lived it

Initiate hangouts and ask personal questions, even if you fear low attendance or being intrusive.

Avoiding these actions can put people off.

one person who lived it

Volunteer who else is attending when inviting someone, rather than asking them first.

Asking who is coming can imply you do not want to spend time with the invitee.

one person who lived it

If you are a woman interested in someone, make the first move.

It helps address dating inequality and your chances of success are better than average.

one person who lived it

Ask people to do low-commitment activities on weeknights or Sunday afternoons with a definite time limit to increase the likelihood of acceptance.

Asking for something easy and low-commitment makes people more likely to go.

one person who lived it

When declining an outing, use the 'no, but' method: say no to the current time but offer a specific alternative so the other person knows you are interested.

It signals that you are interested, just not available at that time.

one person who lived it

Keep initial hangouts relaxed with a shared activity rather than a sit-down dinner to avoid date-like pressure.

Low pressure leads to good outcomes.

one person who lived it

Ask to join a group activity, such as sitting together at lunch, instead of explicitly asking someone to be your friend.

It feels more natural and avoids the friendship feeling forced or insincere.

one person who lived it

Ask someone to grab coffee or hang out casually rather than explicitly asking to be friends.

Explicitly asking to be friends can put the other person in an uncomfortable position.

one person who lived it

When inviting a shy person who may have trust issues, paint a picture of fun with friends present to reduce pressure.

This prevents their first reaction from being possible negatives or excuses they might use to decline.

one person who lived it

Set calendar reminders or phone alarms to contact friends.

If you are bad at remembering.

one person who lived it

Bring people to places or activities where they will genuinely have a good time, rather than treating them like companions to drag along.

People dislike feeling like a 'puppy' or companion being dragged along; they appreciate being taken where they will enjoy themselves.

one person who lived it

Reframe inviting someone out as an honorable act of giving them an interesting experience, regardless of their response.

It removes the fear of rejection by focusing on the initiative and gift of the invitation rather than the outcome.

one person who lived it

Act as the 'cruise director' by organizing all details and announcing that everyone is going at a specific time.

Everyone gets together because the plans are arranged.

one person who lived it

Invite someone to hang out casually if you enjoy their company, ignoring fears of seeming desperate.

Wanting to spend time with someone you enjoy is not inherently desperate.

one person who lived it

Order non-alcoholic drinks in cocktail glasses to blend in at bars.

It helps you socialize without drinking alcohol.

one person who lived it

Invite people to low-cost activities with clear start and end times to avoid awkward lingering.

It provides structure and avoids uncertainty about intentions.

one person who lived it

Frame hangout invitations around a specific activity or premise rather than asking to meet just to spend time together.

Meeting without a premise can feel forced or out of place; shared experiences help connection.

one person who lived it

Use direct, informal language when asking for contact information or suggesting hangouts.

Being too polite and formal can seem weird.

one person who lived it

• Keep language casual and informal to make the invitation feel less pressured.1

Initiate fun activities like shows, parties, study groups, or lunch invites to encourage reciprocal invitations.

Inviting people to fun activities often leads them to invite you to theirs.

2 people, independently

Ask acquaintances to hang out tonight or propose an alternative day soon to test their interest level.

If they cannot make it tonight but suggest another day, it indicates they are still interested.

one person who lived it

Phrase invitations as questions about time, place, and activity rather than commands to appear less pushy.

Asking instead of commanding makes it feel less pushy.

one person who lived it

If you feel excluded, consider that you may have signaled disinterest by not initiating or rescheduling.

Not initiating or rescheduling can make others feel you are not interested.

one person who lived it

Frame invitations as casual suggestions rather than formal requests.

Making it a suggestion makes it easier on yourself.

one person who lived it

Suggest a specific activity when inviting someone out to test interest before committing to a hangout.

Having a reason or activity reduces awkwardness compared to asking to hang out without one.

one person who lived it

Communicate directly with friends if you feel you are always the one making plans, avoiding passive-aggressive hints.

Direct communication is preferred over passive-aggressive behavior.

one person who lived it

Avoid assuming preferences such as price range or food type when inviting someone.

Assuming preferences can disregard the other person's needs.

one person who lived it

Respond to vague hangout requests with simple, low-pressure suggestions like getting coffee or chilling.

Overthinking leads to unnecessary complexity.

one person who lived it

Invite strangers or acquaintances to a party you are hosting, using yourself as the common denominator to connect them.

you are the common denominator for everyone at the party

one person who lived it

Mention hangout ideas casually without demanding an immediate answer.

It implies interest without requiring a direct response right then.

one person who lived it

Join any type of club or league, such as kickball, primarily for the social structure rather than the sport itself.

Leagues are popular among 20-somethings not because they love the sport, but for the social aspect.

one person who lived it

Start a meetup group if existing ones do not fit your needs.

4 people, independently

• If no group exists for your interest in your area, create a meetup group yourself.4
• Invite people you see in real life who share a specific interest to join your group.1

Approach adults in group fitness classes, community centers, or workplaces rather than bars.

Bars are not great because people are often there for different reasons (implied by 'i don't think bars are great just because...').

one person who lived it

If you attend meetups, choose ones with attendees around your age to account for the likelihood that half of those who sign up will not show.

Sign-up numbers often double the actual attendance.

one person who lived it

Join a fraternity if you seek a more outgoing social experience than your current circle provides.

It offers something more than what nerdy friends might offer; look for a happy medium that is outgoing but not stereotypical.

• Depending on the school, you may need to find a balance between outgoing and non-stereotypical.

one person who lived it

• Join a fraternity or sorority that matches your vibe rather than one chosen solely for popularity or networking.1

Join campus organizations that interest you to form friendships through clubs.

Great friendships can be formed through these groups.

one person who lived it

Join book clubs to get to know others.

They are perfect for introverts.

one person who lived it

Look for 'learn to play' leagues for adults in North America to prepare yourself to find a weekly group.

These leagues get you ready to join a regular group.

one person who lived it

Start road cycling to join clubs that attract adults with disposable income and time.

The demographic often includes people in their late 20s to early 30s who have resources for socializing.

one person who lived it

Join art meetup groups, which often attract neurodivergent or non-conformist people who don't fit in elsewhere.

They are repeated events full of interesting people.

one person who lived it

Join CrossFit gyms to build community.

They are focused on community.

one person who lived it

Join clubs at local colleges even if you do not attend the school; one person met their husband this way.

one person who lived it

Enjoy the level of inclusion you currently have in long-established groups without pushing for deeper integration.

Full integration into decades-old groups can take years.

one person who lived it

Join existing enthusiast groups to gain access to new friend circles, diverse knowledge, and career networking opportunities.

It provides benefits beyond the hobby itself.

one person who lived it

Target graduate students or university administrative staff for socializing rather than undergraduates.

Grad students are often in cohorts and likely to move on, while staff are more stable.

one person who lived it

Consider joining a book club.

They meet infrequently, allowing time for reading between gatherings.

one person who lived it

Join book clubs or volunteer activities like animal shelters.

These attract women very disproportionately.

one person who lived it

Join interest-based communities that offer ongoing social activities without a fixed end date.

Fixed-term classes have an expiry date, whereas ongoing activities provide continuous opportunity.

one person who lived it

Go alone to public New Year's Eve parties or events in your town.

It can help you make new friends, have fun, and break isolation.

one person who lived it

Play an instrument and start or join a band to create a new friend circle.

One person gained a completely new friends circle through this.

one person who lived it

Volunteer at a local organization that needs help, particularly for a cause you believe in.

It is an effective way to meet new people who share common interests with you.

3 people, independently

• Volunteer at places like humane societies, hospitals, zoos, or blood donation centers.1
• Offer free labor at local groups like shelters or community organizations.3
• Volunteer at animal shelters if you want to meet caring people.1
• Volunteer for various causes to meet different people without being pigeonholed into one organization.1
• Volunteer for local organizations, political groups, or ideological causes to meet people with shared values.1

Volunteer for a cause you care about to find your tribe.

One person reported feeling like they finally found their tribe when doing so.

one person who lived it

Take evening classes at community college to meet peers.

One person made more friends there than in five years of university.

one person who lived it

Spend time in study or tutoring centers to meet a diverse mix of students.

One person met many people there because most need help with subjects like math.

one person who lived it

Sit next to someone in a large group setting, introduce yourself, and ask if they are new.

This approach led one person to be introduced to friends who became best friends.

one person who lived it

Volunteer for a cause you are passionate about to make friends quickly.

One person found this the fastest way to make friends while moving worldwide.

one person who lived it

Join a group that shares an interest you have, even if you are not yet good at it.

Strangers can be supportive and helpful, often loving to share their talents and knowledge.

one person who lived it

Bring a new acquaintance along with your current group of friends.

One person noted that separate friend groups merged this way to create a bigger circle.

3 people, independently

If you struggle to meet people, try volunteering in aged or palliative care, or visiting a Buddhist center if that interests you.

These were good ways for one person to meet people.

one person who lived it

Talk to others facing similar struggles to connect and potentially form friendships.

It helps you connect with people and may lead to new friends.

one person who lived it

Give coworkers a chance to become friends to grow your social circle with people familiar with the city.

They can help you navigate the city more easily.

one person who lived it

• Accept introductions to mutual friends' circles to expand your social network.2

Seek near-daily exposure to potential friends by joining groups or activities where you see people regularly.

School is effective for making friends because it provides daily contact with people.

2 people, independently

Introduce people to each other yourself rather than waiting for them to do it.

It helped cheer up the people involved because I brought them together.

one person who lived it

Ask coworkers for advice or tips on various topics to build connections and expand your network.

It helps you find connections and build a network.

one person who lived it

Join volunteer groups or beginner classes where everyone is new to help with easier connections.

Being in a group where everyone is 'new' makes it easier to get to know people.

one person who lived it

Volunteer somewhere to meet new people while looking for a job.

This allows you to meet new people without putting excessive pressure on existing friendships.

one person who lived it

Join clubs, sports, or after-school programs, even those you are not particularly interested in, to force interaction with others.

It forces you to work with and connect with people, making it easier to find friends.

one person who lived it

Sign up for classes or sports teams that involve group interaction, as groups are less intimidating.

Groups are less intimidating.

one person who lived it

Go skateboarding at a skatepark repeatedly.

One person met many friends this way and found it helped with interacting with people.

one person who lived it

Join the organizing team of interest groups to become strongly involved and meet new people regularly.

This ensures you meet new people every month.

one person who lived it

Volunteer for causes or join groups aiming to improve the city to talk to like-minded people.

These activities provide opportunities to meet others.

one person who lived it

Volunteer in your community, such as at animal shelters, hospitals, schools, or recreation centers, to meet nice people and ease the transition into a new home.

It provides low-stress interactions and helps you integrate.

2 people, independently

Volunteer for professional teams or causes to meet stable, socially conscious people who often form lasting bonds and support networks.

These groups usually welcome helpers, recommend members for paid work, and provide support during hard times.

one person who lived it

Approach people who are alone rather than trying to integrate into established groups.

Crowds are intimidating, and strangers cannot judge your reputation.

2 people, independently

Ask neighbors to introduce you to other parents under the guise of helping your children assimilate into the area.

Being new in town provides an awkward-free excuse for introductions.

one person who lived it

Join a club, such as a volunteering group, to work through silent pauses more naturally and make friends.

one person who lived it

Check library bulletin boards for flyers advertising volunteer groups.

Libraries are quiet spaces where being shy may simply appear polite.

one person who lived it

Identify an introverted sibling's interests and introduce them to communities aligned with those interests rather than forcing them into your friend group.

Forcing them into your friend groups can feel inorganic unless they naturally hit it off.

one person who lived it

Audition for theatre productions or volunteer backstage to gain an automatic social circle.

Participation provides an immediate social network.

one person who lived it

Attend local college volunteer seminars or open houses to find companies looking for volunteers.

One person continued doing this even after graduation to find new opportunities.

one person who lived it

Simply sit down with a group and occasionally insert your own thoughts until you are slowly integrated into their routine.

one person who lived it

Focus on cultivating a sense of belonging rather than avoiding being alone.

Being alone is acceptable, but not feeling like you belong is the actual issue.

one person who lived it

Connect with like-minded people by joining local online communities, courses, or societies instead of visiting bars alone.

It may be simpler to find shared interests through activities than by going to nightlife venues solo.

4 people, independently

Be kind to people in clubs or activities even if you feel awkward initially.

One person reported making friends in a climbing club just by being kind, despite feeling awkward in initial conversations.

• This is based on one person's experience in a climbing club.

one person who lived it

Avoid trying to make friends by going to bars alone.

Patrons are usually in closed friend groups or drinking alone.

one person who lived it

• Avoid bars and clubs for meeting new friends if you prefer solitude or typically go out with people you already know.1

Embrace your unique traits and attend events centered on your hobbies to attract compatible friends.

You may lose some connections but will gain many more by being authentic.

one person who lived it

• Combine being yourself with actively putting yourself out there to find friends, rather than waiting for luck.1

Visit the same social spots regularly to become familiar with the regulars.

Repeated exposure to the same people in similar settings fosters connection.

5 people, independently

Be persistent and keep showing up to your chosen social venues, even if you face rejection.

Patience will pay off over time; rejection is part of relearning a skill and should not be taken personally.

one person who lived it

Be patient with making friends post-pandemic, recognizing that digital events are not the same as in-person interactions and that rebuilding social scenes takes time.

Digital events just aren't the same as in-person involvement in scenes like art and music.

• This may be a post-COVID specific issue.

one person who lived it

Understand that language or art courses meeting infrequently may not lead to lasting friendships.

Meeting only once a week or once every two weeks was insufficient for forming long-lasting bonds.

one person who lived it

Join hobby groups, volunteering organizations, or sports teams to build a social circle.

Collaboration with others is often required in these settings.

one person who lived it

Start an Instagram account with a name like 'newbieinthiscity' to document and share your discovery of the city.

They may motivate you.

one person who lived it

Build trust through consistent simple greetings and regular presence rather than grand gestures.

Consistency builds trust more than big gestures.

one person who lived it

Socialize with coworkers even if you share no common interests outside of work.

These small interactions help prevent isolation and can form the basis of an adult social life.

one person who lived it

Find activities where you meet the same people weekly to form actual bonds.

Regular weekly meetings provide the opportunity to build real connections.

one person who lived it

Consider that someone sitting silently next to you may view you as a 'safe space' or quiet companion.

One person reported considering certain people their 'safe space' for silent company.

one person who lived it

Join 'closed' social environments like clubs, courses, or learning places where interaction is forced.

These settings force you to talk and collaborate.

one person who lived it

Use dating apps to find cool people, even if not romantically compatible.

One person found really cool people through them despite lack of romantic compatibility.

one person who lived it

Avoid trying to make friends at malls, as people there are typically focused on shopping rather than socializing.

Malls are not ideal social venues because visitors are usually intent on purchasing items.

• Meeting peers at malls may be more feasible for teenagers in high school than for older adults.

one person who lived it

Join low-stakes social activities that ensure regular contact with others.

One person found this approach led to kind, welcoming connections without high pressure.

one person who lived it

Choose situations and events you truly care about to find a tribe that matches your interests and values.

Genuine connections are difficult to build without choosing environments aligned with your values.

one person who lived it

Join church, martial arts, or a gym to build real friendships focused on personal growth rather than dating.

Focusing on dating can lead to manipulation due to primal nature; avoiding this distraction helps focus on growing oneself.

one person who lived it

Initiate hangouts with small groups of 1-3 people based on shared interests to deepen connections.

Shared experiences allow for sharing more personal information and vulnerability.

one person who lived it

Join adult kickball leagues or similar community activities to focus on social connection over athletic competition.

These activities are primarily about the social aspect rather than competitive skill.

one person who lived it

Join theater tech or marching band pit sections if you lack musical talent but want social integration.

One person reported theater tech forced friendship; another noted marching band pits lock you in a room with peers regardless of musical ability.

one person who lived it

Focus on attending recurring events without a set end date over one-off events to make friends.

One-time events are unlikely to lead to new friendships, whereas recurring events offer better opportunities.

one person who lived it

Cultivate enjoyment of solitary activities like walking, shopping, or watching movies.

It helps avoid reliance on friends who may complain about money or time constraints.

one person who lived it

Recognize that scheduling conflicts, work obligations, and long travel times can reduce adults' motivation to maintain new friendships.

Adults often have prior plans, must schedule meetings in advance, and face lengthy travel times to meetup locations.

one person who lived it

• Accept that adult survival and productivity demands often limit time for deep social connections.1

If you struggle to open up, try joining a community-based hobby like skateboarding.

The community aspect helps help with organic interactions.

one person who lived it

Consistently show up to activities over time, as friendships require effort and repetition unlike school settings.

Friendships do not form automatically like they did in high school or college; consistent effort is required.

one person who lived it

Attend social events knowing that awkwardness is normal, creating shared experiences that make future interactions easier.

Shared experiences provide topics for next time and interactions typically get easier each time.

one person who lived it

Recognize that online classes and single-player gaming may limit opportunities for social connection.

Online classes make striking up conversations difficult, and single-player games or disconnected multiplayer experiences do not foster player bonds.

one person who lived it

Maintain consistency in social activities such as regular game nights, volunteering, or taking classes to build relationships over time.

Consistency is described as probably the most important factor.

one person who lived it

Focus on the activity itself rather than social integration, trusting that social connections will develop naturally over time.

the rest will come

one person who lived it

Expect that attending church exclusively virtually may prevent deep friendships with other attendees.

Virtual attendance limits relationship building despite recognition.

one person who lived it

Cultivate casual friendships based on shared fun activities without requiring deep vulnerability.

These relationships can be fulfilling on their own terms.

one person who lived it

Attend film screenings to access low-pressure opportunities for post-movie conversation.

The quiet nature of the event followed by discussion provides solid conversation content.

one person who lived it

Engage gradually by finding common interests and focusing on authentic connections.

Authentic connections matter.

one person who lived it

Take up collaborative activities like working on problems, playing video games, or cooking together.

One person reported doing better when collaborating.

one person who lived it

Join a sports team or martial arts class to connect with people focused on self-improvement.

Seeing the same people regularly makes forming friendships easier.

3 people, independently

• Join casual sports teams or rec leagues to meet people regularly and make friends.7
• Participate in team sports to build close friendships through shared activity.5
• Join martial arts gyms or sports clubs to leverage camaraderie and shared goals for friendship formation.1

Join recreational sports leagues where teams are formed for people.

You can meet best friends this way; you do not need to be skilled, just play hard.

one person who lived it

If you want to meet people without the pressure of tryouts, join a 'no cut' sport like cross country.

This approach helped one person meet great people and expand their social circle through them.

one person who lived it

Look up your local Hash House Harriers group.

It can provide an instant social circle.

one person who lived it

Learn swing dancing to meet people in various cities.

It is a great way to connect with others no matter where you are visiting or moving.

one person who lived it

Join social sports clubs or leagues, such as kickball or bowling, to meet people in a fun, structured setting.

4 people, independently

• Sign up for a workout class, hiking club, or local athletic team.8
• Join groups that force socialization, such as study groups, DnD games, or AA meetings.3
• Join local classes such as dance, art, fitness, or cooking to meet people who share your interests and whom you will see weekly.1
• Join a local sports team, fitness class, or recreational league to meet people through shared physical activity.3
• Join weekly activities like sports, music, or language lessons where you naturally meet people repeatedly.2
• Participate in sports leagues, running clubs, dog parks, or public events to meet people with shared interests.8
• Join regular group activities, such as fitness classes, hiking groups, pottery, rock climbing, or gaming, to set a social routine and meet friends organically.3
• Attend events or engage in hobbies you love, such as concerts, to potentially connect with like-minded people.3
• Participate in activities that require interaction with others, such as clubs, sports teams, or volunteering.9
• Participate in activities at a nearby community center or look at library notice boards to discover events where you might connect with people who share your interests.5
• Join engaging social activities like roller skating clubs to create opportunities for conversation and shared trips.1
• Visit environments where encountering new people is standard, such as athletic groups or college courses.3

Leverage existing friends to introduce you to new people or invite them to join activities.

It is easier to meet new people in bars or at hobbies when you are there with existing friends, and some people find it the only way to make friends in their 20s.

2 people, independently

Join a church with a strong sense of community and an active youth group to find inclusive social opportunities.

One person found this led to long-term friendships through group activities.

one person who lived it

Make plans with people you've met in active groups outside of the sport to get to know them without distractions.

It allows time to build a connection where there aren't any distractions.

one person who lived it

Focus on doing activities you like, such as theater or roleplaying games, rather than actively looking for friends.

One person found success this way after failing to make friends at meetups.

• This is one person's experience; they noted it is cliché but worked for them.

one person who lived it

Host social events and ask friends to invite people you do not know.

3 people, independently

• Attend structured social events, such as quiz nights, to meet people in a low-pressure setting.3
• Attend social events and consistently spend time with the few new people you meet to build connections.3

Join recreational sports clubs like soccer or dodgeball to meet young people and socialize afterward.

These events are social hubs where participants often gather for drinks after playing.

• You do not need to be skilled at the sport.

one person who lived it

• Join recreational sports leagues, such as soccer, kickball, dodgeball, ultimate Frisbee, or basketball.3

Create your own Meetup group and advertise it at libraries and other relevant places.

One person reported their boardgaming meetup grew to nearly 400 people over three years using this method.

one person who lived it

Visit dog parks at the same time repeatedly to build recurring connections with other owners.

Seeing the same people over months leads to conversations about different topics.

• One person noted they have not successfully moved these friendships outside the park.

one person who lived it

Try to meet people online through video games to see if friendships develop.

6 people, independently

Join local running groups to combine exercise with socializing and get to know people through weekly runs.

Running can be a social activity where you catch up on what others are doing.

one person who lived it

Attend cosplay, comic, or gaming conventions to meet people with shared interests; sign up for interactive panels and activities rather than attending as a random guest.

It may fast-track the process of finding friends.

• Conventions are not ideal for making new friends unless you participate in structured activities.

one person who lived it

Get an on-campus job to meet coworkers who may invite you to social events.

Coworkers may click with you and inform you about parties or social gatherings.

one person who lived it

Join a long-term campaign game like Dungeons and Dragons to build dialogue and non-game connections over weeks of meetups.

Being focused on the thing creates lots of dialogue, leading to pockets of non-game connection over time.

one person who lived it

Set up games like Mario Kart in common areas to attract players.

It can quickly lead to making new friends or identifying incompatible personalities.

one person who lived it

Go to local events like paint nights, pottery classes, or concerts to chat with people and potentially make friends.

Chatting with people at these events can eventually lead to friendship.

one person who lived it

Enroll in a dojo or group lessons such as salsa or ballroom dancing to connect with others.

One person described this as an underutilized avenue for making friends that helped them participate in social activities.

4 people, independently

Find a group activity you are interested in and attend regularly to build relationships with the same people over time.

• Progress may be slow if you are not used to it.

16 people, independently

• Go to places where people are naturally open to making friends, such as board game nights or group hikes.3

Participate in sports, groups, or extracurriculars to build friendships easily.

This method is highly effective for making new friends.

4 people, independently

Join remote hobby groups, such as email penpals or online chess, to connect without leaving home.

One person found this approach works out great.

one person who lived it

If you are religious, try attending services or events at a church or temple to connect with the community.

• Joining a church does not have to be religious.

4 people, independently

Visit the same bar regularly and introduce yourself to different people to find compatible friends.

You'll trawl through the mobs of people and find the gems.

one person who lived it

Meet people at the gym by going regularly.

Being there all the time facilitates meeting people.

one person who lived it

Join group hiking, cycling, or running activities to meet sociable people.

These activities allow for easy conversation while moving along and make it simple to disengage if the chat dries up.

2 people, independently

• Try running or biking to meet people in their communities.1

Start by playing video games in small squads to build comfort with social interaction before attempting in-person meetings.

It helps you become more comfortable talking to and being around other people.

one person who lived it

Take up outdoor activities like surfing to meet friendly locals.

One person met many friendly people who lived locally through surfing.

• This is based on one person's experience in Honolulu.

one person who lived it

Join slow-paced social sports leagues like bowling or kickball to chat with teammates during the game.

The games are not physically intense and allow time for conversation.

one person who lived it

Become a regular at places where people congregate, such as bars or coffee shops, to see if other regulars connect with you.

5 people, independently

Ask bartenders for insights on local social scenes and how things work in the city.

They know many people and are often willing to share information.

one person who lived it

Dive into a passion or hobby you have neglected, such as joining a sports club or gym, and attend classes regularly.

Regular attendance allows others to notice you, making it easier to chat.

one person who lived it

Play basketball to build a network of acquaintances, some of whom may become close friends.

one person who lived it

Frequent local businesses, such as bookshops, and chat with the workers there.

One person reported making friends this way.

one person who lived it

Visit local games rooms with ping pong, foosball, or pool tables to play with others in a low-stakes social environment.

These places offer opportunities to play with low social stakes; showing up regularly and being a good sport allows you to be seen and socialize.

one person who lived it

Meet gaming friends in person to do activities together to solidify the friendship.

to make it real

one person who lived it

Bring beer or snacks when approaching friend groups playing music or games in parks to ask if you can join.

one person who lived it

Join a local league for activities like pinball, hockey, bowling, poker, or darts.

4 people, independently

Attend recurring local game nights at restaurants to build familiarity with regular attendees.

Repeated attendance can lead to feeling like you can make friends there.

• One person reported not making a friend yet despite attending.

one person who lived it

Invite classmates to do specific activities outside of class, such as getting coffee or going to the gym.

3 people, independently

• Build work connections gradually by suggesting casual post-shift activities like coffee or drinks.3

Interact with strangers over games.

It relieves pain a bit.

one person who lived it

Visit local game shops to participate in scheduled games, tournaments, or D&D sessions.

Many have posted schedules online of games played nightly or tournaments you can participate in.

2 people, independently

• Participate in local gaming scenes or tabletop role-playing games like Dungeons and Dragons.3

Join a local rec center or a Facebook networking group to attend events and start conversations.

Rec centers offer many activities that make it easy to start conversations.

one person who lived it

If you enjoy cooking, invite people over to share a meal as a way to socialize.

one person who lived it

Go to a bar with games like pool, darts, shuffleboard, or cornhole, ask strangers to play, and have the loser buy the winner a drink.

one person who lived it

Join team sports like soccer, softball, basketball, hockey, roller derby, frisbee, or dodgeball to make friends and build camaraderie.

Team sports breed camaraderie, allow relationships to develop with good teammates, and often include social gatherings after games.

2 people, independently

Ask staff or patrons at libraries or museums for recommendations on finding people with similar interests.

Someone in those places will likely know of someone.

one person who lived it

Invite floor-mates to try different college activities, as many students are unaware of options.

People don't always know about available activities.

one person who lived it

Frequent places related to your interests, such as bookstores, to meet people with whom you can share simple experiences like comparing notes on authors.

• Didn't make a lot of friends there

one person who lived it

Create recurring weekly activities like hiking or gaming groups to build connection through time and proximity.

Time, proximity, and vulnerability equal connection.

one person who lived it

Frequent social places such as bars, recreational sports, dance classes, or game lounges to increase interaction opportunities.

These environments allow you to easily talk to others who are participating in the same activity.

one person who lived it

Suggest alternative social activities outside of the primary setting (like the gym) if you want to build friendships with acquaintances.

the gym isn't it IMO

one person who lived it

Look for hobby stores specializing in board or tabletop games, as there is a decent chance they host play sessions.

3 people, independently

Attend comparable gatherings or locations on a recurring schedule to build familiarity.

4 people, independently

Put yourself in social situations like sports, reading clubs, or shows to meet people with shared interests; one approach that helped an introvert was using an app to arrange local dog walks.

one person who lived it

Ask acquaintances if you can join them for fun activities or suggest going downtown for a drink or tourist attraction at the weekend.

3 people, independently

Seek out local groups, religious organizations, or community venues like libraries and village halls for social events.

These locations often host social groups open to various demographics.

one person who lived it

Join guided tours while traveling to meet interesting people.

one person who lived it

Take up low-key social activities like cooking together, playing games, studying, or watching movies at home.

one person who lived it

Find clubs or groups centered on your specific lifelong interests.

People become friends most easily when they share a love for the same thing.

one person who lived it

Take up hobbies and talk to people who share those passions to help with easier conversation.

It is easy to talk about things you both have similar passions in.

3 people, independently

• Acquire a hobby that others are passionate about to create conversation topics.1
• Choose hobbies you are genuinely interested in to help with natural conversation.1

Do not assume sharing a hobby guarantees friendship.

Sharing a hobby does not mean you will like the other person.

one person who lived it

Volunteer to work toward a common goal with others as a way to start bonding.

Working toward a common goal can be a bonding experience.

one person who lived it

Farm or fish to connect with people who share your outdoor interests.

These hobbies allowed one person to connect with others of the same interest.

one person who lived it

Focus on common points with others.

People are drawn to those who are like them.

one person who lived it

Take up a regularly repeating activity together, such as volunteering or a hobby, to make friends.

One person considers this the number one way to make friends.

one person who lived it

Approach trying new hobbies like sampling different foods to discover what you prefer.

You do not know your favorite until you try a variety of things.

one person who lived it

Get into a new hobby that includes others if you currently lack social hobbies.

There is really no other way around it.

one person who lived it

• Start new hobbies specifically to meet people; you may end up enjoying them enough to continue even if you don't meet anyone.1
• Select group activities you genuinely love for their own sake, not just to gain friends, and participate actively to build connections.3

Start hobbies that take you outside your home and away from your partner.

This approach helped one person meet interesting people and do new things, ensuring they didn't always do everything with their partner.

one person who lived it

Find one other common interest with someone and expand interactions to that topic to build friendship.

Having multiple points of interaction makes them likely to become a friend.

one person who lived it

• Seek out people who share common interests with you to sustain friendship interest.1

Go to events, places, and things that align with your interests alone.

3 people, independently

Ask people why they enjoy their field to encourage them to reveal deeper parts of themselves.

People generally like talking about themselves.

one person who lived it

• Ask acquaintances about their interests.1

Start a hobby and join a community of like-minded people associated with that hobby.

9 people, independently

Use common cultural dialects or shared backgrounds as a starting ground for building friendships.

Speaking the same cultural dialect provided a good starting ground for one person to connect with another at work.

one person who lived it

Invite friends to try new hobbies, but move on if they do not reciprocate interest immediately.

Trying to convert others with zeal is annoying and unnecessary.

one person who lived it

Immerse yourself fully in one chosen hobby first rather than spreading across many.

Focusing allows for depth over distance; seek community, classes, and gear for that single interest.

one person who lived it

Experiment with new hobbies to discover your interests and become more interesting.

You will not find 'your thing' unless you try new activities, which also makes you more interesting.

one person who lived it

Discuss the general interest behind your niche hobby, such as exploring or meeting people, rather than the specific activity itself.

General concepts are more connective for people.

one person who lived it

Find common topics for genuine friendship rather than faking curiosity about hobbies you dislike.

Pretending to be interested is lying, and others can tell, finding it patronizing.

one person who lived it

Join skill-based courses (such as language, programming, or cooking) to meet people regularly through shared topics and repeated interactions.

Courses provide common discussion topics, pauses for conversation, and regularity to build relationships over time.

one person who lived it

Describe even mildly interesting activities with genuine enthusiasm.

Enthusiasm is usually effective.

one person who lived it

Attend concerts to bond with others over a shared love of an artist, creating instant similarity and conversation opportunities.

Shared interest creates instant similarity and allows for conversation.

one person who lived it

Discuss their passions, opinions, or pastimes, or share your own, avoiding stale small talk like weather.

5 people, independently

Get a job in a social environment like fast food to meet people and develop speed that helps in future jobs.

It opens doors and teaches invaluable speed.

one person who lived it

Learn programming to gain a useful, well-paying job skill and create solutions for others.

It allows you to solve people's problems.

one person who lived it

Take courses or volunteer at a local theater.

It is super social.

one person who lived it

Give yourself time to develop social skills, treating it like learning any other skill.

Social skills are absolutely learnable, though it may take time to break out of old habits.

one person who lived it

Listen to audiobooks like 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' using free trials on apps like Audible.

To acquire fresh perspective and technique.

one person who lived it

Befriend older people to gain wisdom and hear stories.

They have experienced more and often have great stories.

one person who lived it

Take on part-time employment in an interactive environment to engage with staff and clients.

10 people, independently

• Work in retail or customer service roles to practice being polite and conversing.1

Volunteer to gain an excuse to be around people and reduce social stress.

You are not getting paid, which lowers pressure, and you can alternate between working and socializing based on your energy levels.

one person who lived it

Take up friendly interactions with service staff, such as cleaning staff, to improve your mood.

Friendly interactions with people can make things better.

one person who lived it

Go for a jog outside to improve your mood.

one person who lived it

Teach ESL or engage in volunteering that involves teaching.

It is super rewarding and helps make great friendships.

one person who lived it

Use extra time to develop new skills or hobbies to keep yourself busy with something helpful.

3 people, independently

Focus on repetition and consistency when practicing a new skill.

It is key to learning.

one person who lived it

Socialize a lot; doing only this will eventually lead to major improvements.

one person who lived it

Practice social interactions repeatedly until they become automatic for your brain.

The brain needs practice to absorb information.

one person who lived it

Improve storytelling skills by practicing talking to yourself.

Storytelling is an art that improves with practice.

one person who lived it

Check libraries for summer camps or volunteering opportunities.

Libraries can be cool places and volunteering is a good idea.

one person who lived it

Search online for local volunteer roles.

4 people, independently

Stand in a confident pose and smile broadly for five minutes before leaving home.

It works to boost mindset.

one person who lived it

Maintain good personal hygiene, ensuring you smell pleasant and keep your hair clean.

Bad smell prevents people from wanting to talk to you.

one person who lived it

Offer a small smile to others.

It tends to work for nearly all people.

3 people, independently

If you worry about projecting 'needy' energy, try caring slightly less about the outcome of your interactions.

Trying too hard can be perceived as needy even if it doesn't feel like you.

one person who lived it

When you catch yourself overthinking during social interactions, look at what is going on around you to stop it.

It will take you right out of the overthinking loop.

one person who lived it

Stop overthinking potential conversations and just start talking.

The difficulty lies in convincing yourself that what you want to say is lame and that your desire to talk is transparent.

one person who lived it

Understand that people may stick to assigned seats due to habit, preference for the location, or because they perceive you as quiet, rather than out of interest in you.

People may like a seat for the view or distance from the teacher.

one person who lived it

Suppress your internal filter and say something, anything, to break the silence.

Your filter is the biggest block, and speaking up will still help.

one person who lived it

Sign up for active activities and go solo to talk to people, avoiding bringing a companion who might act as a crutch.

Bringing someone else can make you less approachable.

one person who lived it

Smile often and make smiling your resting face to appear fun-loving and draw people to you.

People are drawn to those who smile; if you look less likeable, others won't start talking to you as fast.

one person who lived it

If you are in the US and want to appear friendly, smile more often.

Americans may interpret a lack of smiling as being unfriendly or standoffish.

one person who lived it

Be the one to make the first move toward friendship if you see someone who seems comfortable, as they might also be shy or introverted.

The other person might be a shy or introverted individual too.

one person who lived it

Incorporate some humor into your conversations to change the mood, but do not try too hard.

It is a huge mood changer.

one person who lived it

Laugh off embarrassing moments to help others feel calm if they are also nervous.

Laughing it off probably won't be a big deal to the other person and might make them feel more calm if they are nervous too.

one person who lived it

Sit in the back of the class to reduce the feeling of being watched while speaking up.

Sitting in the back ensures everybody isn't staring at you.

one person who lived it

Practice talking to strangers despite fear, accepting that you will not be perfect at first.

3 people, independently

Offer a kind greeting and a warm smile when meeting someone to signal support.

It communicates 'I'm here for you'.

one person who lived it

Act on feelings of nervousness or hesitation to reach out, treating them as boundaries to push past.

That feeling indicates when you should initiate.

one person who lived it

• Push yourself to ask people out despite initial discomfort; one approach that helped was realizing it is a common starting trouble and eventually becoming habituated to it.1

Avoid behavior that forces others to choose every word carefully to avoid offending you.

It makes it hard for people to get close or be themselves.

one person who lived it

If you struggle with social rejection, try moving on quickly when an attempt doesn't work, applying a mindset similar to dating.

One person reported this changed everything for them.

one person who lived it

Stop worrying about others' opinions and physically move toward the group.

Approaching and speaking is less awkward than approaching and standing silently.

one person who lived it

Build confidence by leaving your shell and taking initiative in social situations.

Confidence is what 'popular' people have, and gaining it is an opportunity for growth out of high school.

one person who lived it

Approach people on the street specifically to overcome your fear of rejection, rather than expecting to make lasting connections.

It is an effective way to desensitize yourself to rejection, even though it is not ideal for building relationships.

• This method is not great for actually making connections.

one person who lived it

Recognize that new acquaintances may feel scared even if they appear outgoing, so offer relief through gentle interaction.

Being new is scary.

one person who lived it

If you are sitting alone, reframe it as having extra legroom rather than feeling embarrassed.

People tend to notice your embarrassment more than your solitude.

one person who lived it

Ensure you appear friendly in public by avoiding a shut-faced expression.

A shut-faced appearance may not help your goals.

one person who lived it

Answer yes/no questions directly and act comfortable to set a confident tone, rather than trying to be funny or awkward.

Attitude matters more than the exact words used.

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Accept that rejection is a normal outcome where life continues regardless.

Fear of putting effort into hanging out may prevent closeness.

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Butt into conversations if you are hesitant, as failing to do so may lead others to think you are stuck up or dumb.

Silence might be misinterpreted as arrogance or lack of intelligence.

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Relax when meeting people, as desperation can be unattractive and put others off.

People are unattracted to desperation; it is human nature.

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Read body language books or watch the YouTube channel Charisma on Command to improve nonverbal communication.

One person reported that the channel helped SO much.

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Greet people you see regularly with a 'good morning' and a smile.

Basic friendly politeness makes life more pleasant overall.

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Visualize and prepare for moments when it is appropriate to initiate conversation, recognizing that failure carries no negative consequences.

Realizing that nothing bad happens if you fail helps overcome the hesitation to speak first.

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Accept feedback about being quiet or shy without getting angry, using it to become more outgoing.

Taking advice objectively allows for personal growth instead of taking offense.

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Approach your day with the intention of giving positivity to others through eye contact, smiles, or compliments, rather than seeking validation from them.

It prevents others from latching onto negativity and helps you develop internal positivity.

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Focus your attention on the other person instead of your own nervousness during interactions.

Having a mutual friend increases the likelihood that they will naturally like you.

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Practice socializing with anyone available to build confidence for any situation and expand your social network.

It builds confidence to be relaxed with any person and expands your social network.

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Occasionally place yourself in uncomfortable social situations.

It is worth the try.

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Share personal stories to encourage others to mirror you and open up.

People often mirror each other automatically.

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Express your specific preferences in social plans rather than passively saying you do not mind.

Passivity can become frustrating and has led to relationship failures due to a lack of assertiveness.

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Give one genuine compliment each day to help overcome shyness.

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Treat socializing like exercise: make a conscious effort to interact even if you don't want to, knowing you will feel better afterward.

Just as working out makes you feel better despite initial reluctance, socializing yields similar post-interaction benefits.

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Keep a cool, non-desperate attitude toward group dynamics to avoid repelling others.

Desperate energy is a major deterrent to social inclusion.

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Continue trying to socialize and practice holding conversations instead of quitting clubs when it feels awkward.

Practice is necessary to improve conversation skills; quitting exacerbates the problem.

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Avoid cornering classmates one by one, as desperation is not appealing.

Desperation isn't appealing.

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Display enthusiasm and passion for life in your interactions to make them more engaging.

Enthusiasm immeasurably improves social ability.

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• Bring positivity, interest in others, and enthusiasm to social situations.1

Adopt the mindset that everyone already likes you to reduce insecurity.

This mindset helps take away insecurity during social interactions.

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Relax to appear more natural and personable.

Emotional intelligence often improves with mood.

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Avoid making romantic advances toward women in academic classes where they are the only woman.

It creates discomfort and feels paralyzing in a learning environment.

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Avoid insulting role models, even internally.

It may not be emotionally clever and can make others feel inferior.

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Do not be an asshole when socializing.

Avoiding negative behavior helps the conversation follow naturally.

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Enter new environments calmly and relaxed, moving slowly to counter nervousness and tension.

Excitement usually makes one nervous and tense.

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Ask people about their passions and listen deeply to engage them.

They will associate positive feelings with you.

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• Find something the other person is passionate about and listen actively.1

Be somewhat agreeable in conversations instead of constantly arguing to prove others wrong.

People prefer to hang out with those they enjoy rather than those who are right.

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Be wary of unsolicited direct messages offering free workshops, as they are often sales pitches or scams.

Unsolicited DMs sent to many people are a red flag, and such 'workshops' are often just short sales pitches.

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Stop inviting friends who never reciprocate and make new friends instead.

Hearing no without reciprocity is annoying and may indicate they are not interested.

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Voice your opinion in conversation even if it is unpopular, rather than staying silent.

Others will value your opinion rather than bash you for it.

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Watch for non-verbal cues; if the other party lacks interest in keeping the dialogue going, leave.

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If you are busy, inform the sender that you have read their message and will reply later.

It lets the person know you've seen it and are currently occupied.

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Recognize that some people prefer not to converse, and ensure this does not discourage you.

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Ask questions that genuinely interest you and that the other person would love to answer.

People can perceive when you are throwing fake questions that did not arise from actual curiosity.

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Maintain eye contact, smile when greeting people, and be a good listener by letting them talk while you offer occasional input.

People love to talk.

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Stop trying to please others and stop blaming yourself for their lack of interest; let them make the effort first.

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When following up via text, refer to a specific topic or joke from your previous conversation.

It brings back highlights of the shared conversation.

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Stay present and listen; only speak when you have something relevant to contribute.

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• Avoid talking too much; when you do speak, focus on them rather than yourself until they ask about you.4
• Focus on contributing to the shared activity rather than trying to prove your character through conversation.1
• Listen actively and do not interrupt others during conversation.6

Ask follow-up questions about the other person's life, opinions, values, and beliefs.

This shows you care about them.

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Value brief interactions with strangers, as a single conversation can affect someone's life.

A comment in that exchange might impact the other person.

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Approach people with similar interests and keep conversations focused on the club or common ground.

Regrets are worse than rejection.

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Keep boundaries clear and do not feel pressured by unusual suggestions from new acquaintances.

Suggestions from someone you have talked to only once can be unusual.

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Reframe the group's lack of interest as them valuing each other more, which is natural.

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Engage fully when with people by putting away your phone and showing genuine interest through questions.

Genuine interest allows you to ask questions without being phony.

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Have open, honest conversations about whatever is on your mind.

Most times they reciprocate.

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Be prepared for people to lose interest if you obtain their contact info while grocery shopping but cannot meet them in person.

People often ghost quickly upon learning in-person hangouts are not possible.

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Actively participate in group conversations by speaking up and 'butting in' with relevant comments, rather than waiting to be spoken to, to signal interest and avoid appearing shy or uninterested.

Uncertainty gives others the idea that you are not interested; showing interest requires effort.

• Especially important in groups where people don't know each other well.

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Avoid oversharing personal problems or private views with coworkers to prevent being ostracized.

Personal information may be used against you.

• One person reported making friends at jobs without personal issues arising, but the general warning stands.

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Refrain from leading group communications when the mutual friend who introduced you is present.

To avoid alienating the mutual friend.

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Stop worrying about how you are doing and pay attention to the conversation happening around you.

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End conversations naturally when they reach a dead end, such as by stating your purpose, rather than forcing them.

Conversations cannot be forced.

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Be the centerpiece in group interactions by leading the conversation, distinguishing between leading and dominating.

It makes people look to you, and someone tends to lead anyway.

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Listen actively and make the conversation about the other person.

People appreciate when you remember things about them, which helps build relationships.

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Frequently mention your partner's great qualities and your commitment to signal that you are unavailable.

It discourages others from pursuing interest if they see you are clearly committed.

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Explicitly tell the person you are interested in them.

Some people may not realize your interest without direct communication.

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View conversation as a mutual exchange of learning and respect where both parties are equally valuable, rather than a performance.

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Ask questions that genuinely spark your curiosity and listen actively without interrupting to build rapport.

Interrupting signals you don't care; showing interest builds rapport and entertains conversation.

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Consider relationships from both sides, gauging your own interest equally with the other person's, and avoid persuading or forcing your opinions on them.

Both parties are equally important; forcing opinions means you are imposing your decisions on them.

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Show people you are listening by taking active steps to demonstrate it.

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If hosting events results in ignored messages or 'maybe' responses, recognize the lack of momentum and consider moving on.

Without momentum, you never gain momentum.

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Ask interested questions about what people are doing or holding rather than commenting on physical attributes.

People prefer an interested person over an interesting one.

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Prepare a list of questions about people to keep conversations flowing.

Having ready questions helps maintain interaction.

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Make tight jokes referencing earlier parts of the conversation to demonstrate active listening.

It signals social savvy and that you have listened to everything.

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Stop trying to craft perfect, snappy comebacks or mimic movie-style interactions; accept that real conversations have lulls and imperfections.

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• Accept that conversations naturally die or become rough sometimes.1

Talk to established roommates one-on-one to avoid butting in on group conversations.

It prevents interrupting existing dynamics.

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Keep initial conversations short, lighthearted, and free of personal questions to avoid making the other party uncomfortable.

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