Meetups
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Accept your awkwardness and be yourself instead of pretending to be different just to blend in.
6 people, independently
Set the goal of attending a meetup as simply showing up, even if you do not speak to anyone.
If you just show up you've succeeded.
one person who lived it
Avoid restaurants for large groups of socially anxious people.
Large tables force split conversations and isolation because you cannot talk to people on the other side.
one person who lived it
View social discomfort as resistance training that builds strength.
Like lifting weights, more resistance leads to becoming stronger.
one person who lived it
Approach groups that are smiling and laughing rather than in serious conversation, and explicitly ask to join if you are alone.
Serious conversations may indicate a closed circle, while lighthearted groups are more open.
one person who lived it
Stop stressing about looking awkward, remembering that most people aren't registering your presence or will promptly forget you.
Stressing prevents you from enjoying yourself.
one person who lived it
Ask genuine questions about topics you don't know instead of bluffing, allowing yourself to be curious.
People love to talk about their interests and themselves, and won't think you're ignorant.
one person who lived it
If you leave your drink unattended by accident, do not drink from it again; get a new one.
one person who lived it
Signal engagement by adding small comments or laughing at jokes instead of trying to say something big.
Small reactions go a long way.
one person who lived it
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Talk to someone immediately upon entering a venue or sitting down to avoid sending signals of disinterest.
Waiting makes introductions more awkward; failing to initiate contact sends the wrong signals.
2 people, independently
Privately ask dominant attendees to be mindful of allowing quieter members to speak.
It helps achieve the group goal of getting less confident people to speak without implying they did anything wrong.
one person who lived it
Join university clubs or societies based on your interests to meet people.
Friendships spring from following your own interests and passions.
one person who lived it
Blast a playlist of favorite cheesy sing-along songs loudly in the hour before a social event.
Singing or humming activates the vagus nerve to help calm you, reduces cortisol levels, and provides a boost of endorphins.
one person who lived it
Signal approachability by smiling at people near the bar and offering small greetings like 'alright' or nods.
Little nods show you're approachable and open to conversation.
one person who lived it
Adopt a 'clean slate' mindset when meeting new people, recognizing that they do not know your history.
Nobody is aware of your history and personality, giving you opportunities to expand your social network.
one person who lived it
Join small groups or presentations at local libraries based on specific interests like mushroom foraging, birdwatching, or nerdy game nights instead of large bars.
You are probably going to feel more comfortable at a presentation about specific interests or a meetup group.
one person who lived it
Politely excuse yourself from conversations that do not click.
7 people, independently
Stay comfortable in your own space at parties without forcing interaction, while remaining open to input.
It allows for interaction without pressure, and leaving without much interaction is acceptable.
one person who lived it
Treat social skills like a language: practice them consistently by attending events, as proficiency declines with disuse.
The longer you do not engage socially, the harder participation becomes; each event serves as a learning experience regardless of whether it is fun or unpleasant.
one person who lived it
Compliment safe, non-personal attributes like clothing or hair to make someone feel flattered without causing discomfort.
Acknowledging style makes people feel good without crossing into uncomfortable territory.
one person who lived it
Use follow-up questions to continue conversations initiated by others.
Follow-up questions are described as the key to maintaining interaction.
2 people, independently