Persuasion
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Ask yourself what would change your own opinion during an argument.
You may be too locked down to continue.
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Assume your knowledge may be incomplete or incorrect if you are not an expert on the subject.
There is a reasonable chance you are wrong unless you are an expert.
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Take up reasonable arguments with people smarter or more informed than yourself to shape your own opinions.
Humility is important and this approach helps learn much.
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Use 'How...' instead of 'Why...' when asking questions.
'Why' is interpreted as an accusation in every language.
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Ask open-ended questions to understand the other person's perspective before disagreeing.
Asking questions to understand their perspective helps you go further than asking questions to confirm your own.
- Can sound condescending, like talking to children.
- May be perceived as manipulation or setting pedantic traps.
2 people, independently
Discuss or debate rather than argue, as arguing blinds you to emotion or ego.
An argument will never change anyone's mind, but a discussion could.
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Avoid framing your objection around how the other person's presence affects your view.
This forces them to compare justifications and likely leads to a 'you vs. me' fight.
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Start persuasive statements with phrases like 'It's my understanding that...' to signal openness rather than authority.
Using words like 'no' or 'that's not right' sounds authoritative and causes defensiveness.
- Does not work if the other person cannot take others' opinions.
- May make you appear less confident and diminish credibility.
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Take time to have a conversation with someone you disagree with.
They will appreciate it, which opens them up to receiving new information they would otherwise ignore.
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Persuade people by asking questions instead of contradicting or arguing.
You will have more success and seem more pleasant; humans are egocentric and rarely contradict data from their own minds.
one person who lived it
If you want to appear interesting when describing your job, use a slightly depreciating tone or a smirk rather than grandiose language.
It works more often.
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Ask 'why' or frame questions to understand why a viewpoint is important to the other person, then remain silent.
Persuasion is most powerful when asking questions because it challenges the inside force to explore for itself rather than forcing new ideas from outside.
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Ask questions to encourage later reflection rather than expecting immediate agreement during the argument.
People may change their minds after the fact, even if you never know about it.
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Start by validating opposing opinions to create a safe environment for discussion, otherwise you risk being shut down.
People often seek validation in echo chambers; validating their opinion might get you a way in.
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Anticipate opposing views and challenge your own beliefs internally before speaking.
This ensures your stance is informed rather than reactive.
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If you thrift items, proudly mention it when complimented to encourage others by example.
Excitement and enthusiasm are effective ways to show someone the value of secondhand shopping.
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Use logical arguments rather than statistics, articles, or current events when trying to convince people with different opinions that they are being lied to.
logical arguments are described as the best weapon for this purpose
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Establish basic definitions for concepts before arguing.
It streamlines the conversation and prevents talking past each other about different ideas.
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Frame your refusal as protecting the event rather than expressing personal objections.
Casual drug users tend to respect this approach because they believe the only risks are legal consequences.
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