Relationships

Write down your social victories.

It helps you see how far you've come.

2 people, independently

To build extremely close friendships, ask about and share deepest thoughts, hopes, dreams, and fears.

The difference in very close friends is the mutual sharing of hopes, dreams, and fears.

one person who lived it

Be confident and be yourself.

You will draw in people who will like you for who you are.

one person who lived it

If walking with a group and someone stops to tie their shoes, wait back with them.

It acknowledges the person and changes how they view you.

one person who lived it

Help others to put your own life into perspective.

You may find what you are looking for through this process.

one person who lived it

Initiate friendly contact with people instead of waiting for them to reach out.

20 people, independently

• Be the one to make the first move in making friends, recognizing that others are likely feeling the same way.6
• Accept that initiating contact is a mandatory skill for building friendships, even if it feels unfair.1

Put yourself out there consistently to increase the chances of meeting genuinely good people.

Continuing to be yourself leads to good things coming of it.

• Putting yourself out there also increases the likelihood of encountering negative people.

one person who lived it

Phrase offers of help as 'What can I help with?' instead of 'Do you need any help?' to appear decisive and trustworthy.

The former implies you have already decided to help and invites delegation, which is disarming.

• Avoid phrases like 'when you get stuck.'

2 people, independently

Ask directly for what you want, signaling how it benefits the other person before making the request.

People are more willing to help those who are helping themselves and have clear incentives.

• For larger requests like promotions, a simple polite ask may not be enough; the 'give' must match the size of the 'ask'.

one person who lived it

Get on with your own life and let the right people find you.

4 people, independently

Ask someone for a favor to build closeness, as it signals trust in their character.

It makes the person feel valued because asking requires trust in their abilities.

• If you are not already close, this may drive a wedge between you.
• If the favor is too large or inconvenient, they may feel taken advantage of.

one person who lived it

Be a giver in networking by finding some way to help the person.

This is described as the secret to networking.

one person who lived it

Start practicing social skills today for the benefit of your future self.

Your future self will be thankful and happy that you started now.

one person who lived it

Treat every new person as a blank slate for presenting your personality.

College is about molding who you are becoming; if you mess up with one person, try again with another.

one person who lived it

Filter your social circle to include people who value give-and-take, accepting that others make their own choices about mutual conversation.

You should spend time with those who want the same experience of socializing.

2 people, independently

Reframe remembering details by recognizing that the other person trusts you enough to share those parts of their life.

It makes you happy to realize they like or trust you enough to share.

one person who lived it

Focus on the quality of your friends rather than the quantity.

10 people, independently

Do not expect people to return favors after you show them kindness.

People do not work that way, and expecting otherwise is unreasonable.

one person who lived it

• Practice kindness without expecting anything in return, viewing the act itself as the reward.2
• Never help someone with the intention of using that favor against them later to guilt them into returning the favor.1

Be pleasant and patient with service workers during busy holiday periods.

It is busy and they are trying their best to serve everyone; there is no need to make their lives miserable.

one person who lived it

Share positive gossip to encourage a culture where everyone eventually does it for each other.

It is a small action that goes a long way.

one person who lived it

Assume others like you to trigger a positive self-fulfilling prophecy in your behavior.

This assumption leads you to behave more positively and friendly, which in turn makes people actually like you more.

• Can backfire by making you seem insufferable if taken too far.
• May have problematic or inappropriate vibes if overdone.

one person who lived it

Use lending small items or sums as a test to work out whether someone deserves to remain in your life.

If someone fails to uphold basic social contracts regarding returned items, they may cause more harm than good over time.

one person who lived it

Design your own social life rather than trying to fit a norm.

one person who lived it

• Define your own path to happiness rather than following the typical life cycle of others.1

Offer value to people through compliments, stories, or jokes without expecting anything in return.

Shift focus from getting people to like you to giving value.

one person who lived it

Make an honest effort to change behaviors when a friend asks, to show you care about the relationship.

It demonstrates care and encourages reciprocity.

• Consider setting boundaries if the other person does not reciprocate or continues to find new things annoying.

one person who lived it

Give people a chance even if they initially seem unapproachable or different from you.

One person reported that someone who seemed macho turned out to be a great friend after giving him a chance.

one person who lived it

Volunteer to force yourself to spend energy helping others and being pleasant rather than focusing on your own misery.

It shifts focus away from being a 'black hole of misery'.

one person who lived it

Use patches on jackets to display interests.

It works very well.

one person who lived it

Feel comfortable asking for small items or favors, as people are often more generous than expected.

People are generally willing to give if the request is reasonable.

• Do not ask for outlandish things, such as a car.

one person who lived it

Text friends before dropping by unannounced to ensure they are home.

To avoid wasting gas.

one person who lived it

Listen to thoroughly understand what is being said and not said, rather than just listening to hear.

3 people, independently

Interact with new acquaintances as though you already know them well.

6 people, independently

Provide specific examples of your conflicts to help others understand the situation and offer assistance.

It makes it easier to see what is wrong and determine if help is possible.

one person who lived it

Express happiness to see someone you haven't seen in a while rather than asking where they've been or why you don't see them as much.

Positive affirmation creates different outcomes than negativity.

• Avoiding questions about their life may seem unheartfelt or borderline selfish.

one person who lived it

Be nice to everyone without expecting anything in return.

This approach makes you more likable.

one person who lived it

Respect people regardless of their beliefs and treat them as decent human beings.

one person who lived it

Concentrate on your own appreciation for new acquaintances, not their opinion of you.

16 people, independently

View friendship as a spectrum from acquaintance to close friend rather than a binary state.

one person who lived it

Allow someone else to become your teacher to elevate them and practice humility.

The person is honored.

one person who lived it

Practice telling people when they make you happy to spread positive energy and kindness.

It has been observed to make people kinder and spread positive energy.

one person who lived it

Identify the traits you admire in others and cultivate those same qualities in yourself.

8 people, independently

Cultivate a positive energy and enjoy being alive.

This makes everyone around you feel good.

one person who lived it

Say hello to classmates you recognize.

The smallest things matter.

one person who lived it

Email organizations you are interested in to express interest and show up upbeat.

They will be nice.

one person who lived it

View a relationship as two separate lives where each person is a bonus to the other.

one person who lived it

Define a minimum effort level for socializing and aim to be content with that baseline.

This prevents giving maximum energy to those who provide minimal effort.

one person who lived it

Recognize that if you encounter only assholes, you may be the problem.

one person who lived it

Be interested.

To be found interesting.

one person who lived it

Regularly judge your life and career, including interviewing at other places.

It is pragmatic, not ungrateful or sneaky.

one person who lived it

If you repeatedly experience the same conflict with different people, examine your own behavior as the common factor.

You are likely the common denominator in these recurring situations.

one person who lived it

Work out friendships based on whether the other person puts you first and actively listens.

one person who lived it

Stop focusing on outcomes and instead be curious about others while persisting in social efforts.

one person who lived it

Base compatibility on shared values rather than shared interests, as interests change with age but values do not.

one person who lived it

Invest energy in relationships only when the other party matches your level of commitment.

3 people, independently

Keep your social history private unless you trust the person.

one person who lived it

Recall minor details from past chats to deepen personal connections.

5 people, independently

Treat social interactions like a scientific experiment: write down your hypotheses for how to act with specific people and record the results to see what works.

one person who lived it

Focus on patterns of behavior over time rather than individual words or isolated incidents.

one person who lived it

Learn to be your own best companion by sticking to activities you enjoy and finding joy in doing them alone.

People and circumstances change, so relying on constant presence from others is unreliable.

one person who lived it

• Focus on activities you enjoy doing alone rather than creating situations where your happiness depends on others.1

Consider volunteering on weekends to focus on something outside yourself, which provides a concrete answer to social inquiries and potential side benefits.

Focusing on something outside yourself might bring about wonderful side benefits.

one person who lived it

Make plans with yourself every weekend and follow through even if friends cancel, so you learn to live life without waiting for others.

one person who lived it

Keep a list of activities and go alone even if no one joins, to build self-confidence and gain new experiences.

Going alone builds self-confidence, provides new experiences, and generates conversation topics.

one person who lived it

If you are soul searching, try spending time outdoors alone, such as hiking with a dog, which can be profoundly rejuvenating.

one person who lived it

Challenge yourself to invite people over despite fears, as it can lead to a blast.

Overcoming the hurdle of fear can result in a positive experience.

one person who lived it

Tell friends who frequently leave you out of introductions that it puts you in an awkward position so they can adjust their behavior.

Most people are unaware they do this and are not doing it maliciously.

• If they do not care after you bring it up, consider ending the friendship.

one person who lived it

Accept that not wanting to meet friends' friends is a normal feeling because it is out of your comfort zone.

It's out of your comfort zone.

one person who lived it

Take breaks from people to rest and relax if you feel worn out.

It is hard to enjoy socialization without time to recharge.

one person who lived it

• If you feel drained, take a step back from social interactions to dedicate time to yourself and regain your balance.1

Focus on enjoying what you do regardless of whether you have friends, rather than constantly trying to make friends.

Focusing constantly on making friends results in a bad time.

one person who lived it

Do not stay in a friendship solely because the other person lacks social skills.

Hoping they will improve can lead to burnout if they do not change.

one person who lived it

Stop bringing your partner to social outings if they do not click with your friends after a few attempts.

Continuing is described as torture and forced politeness.

one person who lived it

Talk through your feelings with close friends to ensure you understand each other.

If they love you, talking it out leads to mutual understanding.

one person who lived it

Assume people will like you or feel neutral toward you, rather than assuming they hate you.

It acts as a self-fulfilling prophecy; believing others dislike you can lead to misinterpreting their actions.

2 people, independently

Focus on having a fun conversation yourself rather than trying to make the other person like you.

Trying to get someone to like you can feel bad to the recipient.

one person who lived it

Do not take social interactions too seriously.

People generally do not care as much as you think they do.

one person who lived it

Do not use texting frequency as a metric to decide the strength of a friendship.

Some people simply do not like or care much about texting, which is not necessarily a deep issue.

one person who lived it

Recognize that many people talk primarily to be heard rather than to listen.

It is a common dynamic where people seek an audience for their own thoughts.

one person who lived it

Stop trying so hard to fit in, as desperation can repel people.

People notice the desperation and may be turned off by the actions of a desperate person.

one person who lived it

Wait at least a year before labeling someone a friend to avoid disappointment from premature closeness.

Getting too close in under three months can lead to negative outcomes.

one person who lived it

Focus on your confidence and self-perception over the opinions of popular peers.

Self-confidence is what carries on after school.

one person who lived it

Run errands or do chores with friends instead of meeting for formal drinks to build more authentic connections.

This approach makes friendships feel more authentic than occasional social meetups.

one person who lived it

Hang out with one friend at a time rather than the whole group to avoid intimidation.

Seeing everyone at the same time can be very intimidating.

one person who lived it

Read 'The Charisma Myth' and then 'The Like Switch'.

One person found these books highly recommended for getting out of their social difficulties.

one person who lived it

Accept that everyone has annoying traits to make it easier to look past flaws and find what you like.

Realizing this makes it easier to accept others and focus on positive aspects.

one person who lived it

Stop bringing friends who nag about repetitive beats or the number of women present.

It ruins the experience.

one person who lived it

In certain cultural contexts, using casual or foul language may make you appear more friendly and approachable.

People may perceive you as more casual and friendly.

• This depends on local culture, especially among younger people.

one person who lived it

Accept that initial broad socializing often narrows after the first month as people find their specific fit; do not take it personally.

Most people talk to everyone initially to find their spot, then separate from shallow relationships once they do.

one person who lived it

Focus on building relationships with people rather than trying to fit into a fixed group.

People often behave differently in groups than they do when alone.

one person who lived it

Embrace your imperfections and rough edges, as these traits can make you more likable.

People oddly enough like others' rough edges and imperfections.

one person who lived it

Stop doing favors to mask your presence or avoid being seen by others.

This coping mechanism often comes off as avoidant to outsiders.

one person who lived it

Balance your energy, as displaying too much positive or negative energy can push people away.

People sense energy, and there is balance in all things.

one person who lived it

Find and do something you genuinely love with authenticity; this approach helped one person find the friends they thought they wanted.

People may find your quirks charming rather than annoying.

one person who lived it

Explicitly state that you enjoy hanging out with stoners despite not smoking, offering to help (e.g., drive) to show you are chill and won't judge.

This alleviates concerns about judgment and harshing the vibe.

one person who lived it

Learn to sense the mood and energy of others to ensure compatibility.

People tend to spend time with those who share their vibe; mismatched energies lead to disconnection.

one person who lived it

Relax your demeanor to avoid being perceived as cocky or arrogant.

Even if your intent is good, not relaxing can send off a negative vibe.

one person who lived it

Take a break from socializing to recharge instead of forcing entry into high-energy groups.

Trying to barge into 'party animal groups' can be very tiring.

one person who lived it

Limit interactions with people who are self-absorbed and show no interest in others to preserve your social energy.

They drain you and add nothing to the interaction.

one person who lived it

Assume people may be distancing themselves because they perceive low social value or lack of commonality, rather than assuming you did something wrong.

People tend to avoid working hard to befriend those they find difficult to talk to or who seem to have less social clout.

one person who lived it

Accept that not everyone will click with you; do not dwell on failed conversations, but briefly reflect for lessons and then move on to engage with others.

It frees you to look forward to future interactions without disappointment.

one person who lived it

Discuss current news topics with colleagues instead of suggesting games that might feel aggressive or cause discomfort if they fail.

Board games can be perceived as aggressive and cause discomfort in case of failure.

• Games might be useful later in the relationship.

one person who lived it

Fake confidence until you achieve goals that generate genuine confidence.

Achieving goals makes people want to be around you.

one person who lived it

Observe how people handle alcohol or drugs to judge their decision-making abilities under influence.

Seeing who parties hardest and who makes smart or dumb decisions reveals how they handle themselves.

one person who lived it

Occasionally approach people wearing headphones to test if they are open to interaction.

Most people forgive minor social transgressions, and you have little to lose.

• Do not do this often; only enough to gauge receptiveness.

one person who lived it

Focus on one-on-one interactions over group settings if you find groups fake and exhausting.

Group interactions can feel fake and small-talk heavy, whereas one-on-one connection provides genuine energy.

one person who lived it

Assume comfort and trust in your body and speech to reflect relaxation, as feeling uptight causes you to come off as uptight.

Your physical and verbal demeanor reflects your internal state of comfort or tension.

one person who lived it

Maintain good posture and grooming, be friendly without an agenda, and apply yourself to a hobby you enjoy.

It makes you confident and relatable.

one person who lived it

Be friendly but avoid coming on too strong or investing everything immediately.

Trying too hard can appear desperate and scare people off.

one person who lived it

Check your own body language, tonality, and facial expressions, as others may be reflecting your own energy back to you.

You might be priming yourself to believe people are being icy, creating a self-fulfilling prophecy.

one person who lived it

Laugh off nervousness when explaining niche references on stickers or clothes.

People are often laughing because they recognize the reference, not at you.

one person who lived it

Adopt a confident mindset to help your body language follow suit.

Getting into a confident mindset works wonders for body language.

one person who lived it

View events through a positive lens to improve social interactions.

People enjoy being around positive people.

one person who lived it

Appreciate the comfort of not having to constantly prepare for and entertain large groups of people.

Maintaining a constant state of readiness for social entertainment can be tiring.

one person who lived it

Attend social events assuming that people might like you, rather than expecting indifference.

One approach that helped: shifting this assumption led to making friends.

one person who lived it

Start shifts with upbeat, respectful greetings to shift workplace culture from stressed to friendly.

Others may copy the behavior, improving team dynamics.

one person who lived it

Be upfront about accusations or gossip regarding a new person in a social circle rather than giving in to the 'hive mind'.

The accusations may be lies, and the person may appreciate your honesty and become supportive later.

one person who lived it

Act authentically in social situations rather than trying to impress others.

Trying to be someone you are not can cause nervousness, stumbling over words, and appearing unlikable.

one person who lived it

Practice talking to people.

Quiet people who aren't attractive often get a reputation for being 'weirdos'.

one person who lived it

Read 'Never Split the Difference' after reading 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'.

Most interactions are based on negotiations.

one person who lived it

Act normally around women instead of acting weirdly.

Acting weirdly can make them put up guards due to perceived ulterior motives, whereas acting normally allows them to relax and laugh.

one person who lived it

Be cautious about sharing opinions with people who use sarcasm to highlight flaws.

This behavior may indicate deep insecurity and make you feel unsafe sharing opinions.

one person who lived it

Focus on genuine friendships over forcing connections with coursemates who don't click socially.

Forcing a friendship is less desirable than having a genuine one.

one person who lived it

Identify and stop specific off-putting behaviors to become comfortable with friends in silence.

The best friendships involve being comfortable in silence.

one person who lived it

Examine whether people-pleasing behaviors are contributing to your interpersonal difficulties.

One person identified this as a primary source of past errors.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Introduce shy friends who do not smile, as they may otherwise be ignored and people may not stick around.

• Applies to friends who are so shy they don't smile.

one person who lived it

Avoid arriving too early to social gatherings unless your friend group explicitly states that punctuality does not matter, as hosts may not be ready.

Being early can be considered inappropriate if the host has not finished preparations.

• If your friend group says 'being on time doesn't matter', then sticking strictly to the scheduled time is acceptable.

2 people, independently

Focus on your purpose or what you are saying to reduce worry about social failure and allow eye contact to happen naturally.

Having a purpose creates a sense of abundance and removes insecurity.

one person who lived it

Accept that having no specific plans is normal and comfortable, rather than feeling pressured to fabricate an exciting schedule.

Being surrounded by people constantly can be tiring.

one person who lived it

Read practical communication guides like Leil Lowndes' 'How to Talk to Anyone' or Dale Carnegie's books to learn actionable social steps.

One person found Lowndes' book a critical step for growth with steps to practice today; others improved by reading psychology and charisma books.

one person who lived it

Take notes on your interactions—including what you said, wore, and the demographic—to identify patterns and adjust your approach if people remain icy.

Finding a pattern allows you to make necessary adjustments.

one person who lived it

Be honest, open, and vulnerable.

It helps equalize social dynamics.

one person who lived it

Allow relationships to flow naturally rather than forcing acquaintances into the role of close friends.

Forcing connections that don't fit can lead to suffering, as some people are only temporary fixtures.

one person who lived it

Avoid desperately chasing people to hang out, as being too available can cause others to ignore you.

Desperation and high availability often lead to being ignored.

one person who lived it

Take up hobbies because you genuinely enjoy them, not specifically to meet people.

Faking an interest just to socialize is unlikely to succeed.

one person who lived it

Project confident and relaxed energy by standing tall, relaxing your muscles, making eye contact, smiling, and focusing on the other person rather than avoiding eye contact or slouching.

People pick up on whether you feel anxious or confident and relaxed.

one person who lived it

Smile more and maintain eye contact to appear approachable and trustworthy.

Body language determines how available and approachable you appear; smiling avoids resting bitch face which can hinder attraction.

one person who lived it

Avoid approaching group settings; try more one-on-one interactions instead.

3 people, independently

Analyze your problems by asking yourself specific questions, such as why a reaction occurred or why friends do not enjoy something, to avoid hyperbolizing issues.

Asking for advice can lead to hyperbolizing, making problems seem bigger than they are.

one person who lived it

In group settings, focus discussions on common concerns and interests rather than personal deep dives.

In groups, people are generally not interested in individual thoughts but engage with shared topics.

one person who lived it

Show vulnerability without seeking sympathy to help others relax and feel comfortable showing their own imperfections.

It helps others relax and allows them to show their own imperfections.

one person who lived it

Treat social interaction as a source of fun rather than a competition for approval.

3 people, independently

Recognize that fake interest lacks longevity and can be exposed by genuine interest from others.

It requires lots of energy to maintain the illusion, which genuine enthusiasm can displace.

one person who lived it

Pretend to be social and charismatic until the behavior becomes natural.

Eventually you will forget you are faking it.

one person who lived it

Keep yourself generally busy to increase confidence and become more interesting.

Being needy for attention or company is sensed by others.

one person who lived it

Show genuine vulnerability in one-on-one interactions to allow others to see beyond your confident or funny exterior.

Confidence and humor make great friends, but deeper connection requires seeing the person underneath the comedy and smiles.

one person who lived it

Avoid fidgeting or handling distractions like phones during conversations to signal comfort.

Fidgeting is a sign of discomfort.

one person who lived it

Categorize people into friend candidates and acquaintances, accepting that deep connection is not possible with everyone.

Acquaintances may grow into friendships over time, and having even one friend is fortunate.

one person who lived it

Show genuine curiosity and interest in others without judgment to encourage them to open up and like you.

Humans mirror emotional states subconsciously, and showing interest encourages reciprocity.

one person who lived it

Do not assume charisma guarantees likability; ensure you are also genuine, sincere, and kind-hearted.

Charismatic people can be unlikeable if they lack genuineness, sincerity, or kindness.

one person who lived it

Stop needing specific outcomes from social interactions to bring ease into the room instead of pressure.

2 people, independently

Interact politely but keep conversations superficial and matter-of-fact to maintain distance and avoid friendship.

Being boring and inoffensive acts as a dry wall.

one person who lived it

Develop skills and expertise to attract people socially instead of chasing them.

one person who lived it

Smile or maintain open observation when passing people.

It seems inviting and may encourage interaction.

one person who lived it

Add humor and playfulness to social interactions to make them enjoyable, rather than relying solely on serious or deep conversations which can become exhausting.

Serious conversations alone lack levity and can be draining.

one person who lived it

Focus on deep and interesting conversations over small talk to build lasting friendships.

one person who lived it

Let go of expectations for immediate closeness and allow friendships to develop naturally by being yourself.

one person who lived it

Ask friends if you can help them or provide moral support rather than just asking to hang out.

You will probably get the connection you are looking for.

• One person felt used after offering help that was not reciprocated.

one person who lived it

Walk around campus during the first week to find new groups recruiting members.

Many new groups are actively looking for people to join at this time.

one person who lived it

Consider joining a Greek organization to quickly broaden your social network.

Greek life can rapidly shift your social dynamics, placing you in scenarios that help develop social skills and let you meet numerous people.

• People may criticize Greek life.

5 people, independently

Encourage reluctant friends to visit hobby-specific shops, like card shops, to meet like-minded people.

One person found their friends made new connections this way.

• Based on one person's experience with specific hobbies.

one person who lived it

If you are in school, try joining social clubs or student groups to find friends with shared interests.

• This is based on individual experiences where this method successfully led to lasting friendships.

4 people, independently

• Join a club, group, book club, or sport club to meet people outside of work and school.4
• Attend classes regularly to participate in group assignments, which can be a primary way to make friends.1

Enroll in courses or societies to encounter others who share your hobbies.

Participating in community groups or book clubs has brought good fortune; learning new skills is enjoyable and helps build friendships.

6 people, independently

Take up activities that interest you and make friends with others who share those passions.

32 people, independently

• Connect with groups centered on your specific interests to meet like-minded people organically.105

Attend floor events and approach peers to make your presence known.

They will likely invite you out to things once they know you are there.

one person who lived it

Get deeply involved in small clubs to form tight-knit groups and meet peers of various ages.

Small clubs become their own cliques and include people of all ages, so you won't feel out of place.

one person who lived it

Find the person who coordinates social events and befriend them one-on-one.

You may be able to get an invite next time.

one person who lived it

Join an amateur theatre group on stage or in tech, or join a choir.

It is described as a heap of fun and seriously cool.

one person who lived it

Grow your circle by connecting with the friends of your current friends.

This is a common way to expand your social group and find close connections.

4 people, independently

• Connect with one outstandingly social person to gain access to wider networks.1

Reach out to old acquaintances from college or school to reconnect.

One person reported meeting up multiple times after reaching out to someone they hadn't spoken to in six years.

one person who lived it

Join an art club even if you lack skill.

Members are typically welcoming, safe, and nice, serving as a good first step for socializing.

one person who lived it

Seek out other introverts who want to escape high-energy party scenes.

One person found friends this way.

one person who lived it

Ask people about their hobbies and try those activities together to build friendship through common interests.

Shared interests give you things to do with new friends, helping build stronger friendships and allowing you to really know someone.

• This is based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

One approach that worked: post an ad in the student newspaper classifieds saying 'Cool Friends Wanted' with your number.

People actually called to hang out.

one person who lived it

Join clubs based on genuine interest and show up happily to attract people.

Showing up and having fun alone can attract people.

one person who lived it

Volunteer at local charities such as animal shelters, food banks, nursing homes, or social support organizations.

You can help out your community and actively make the world a better place.

6 people, independently

Sit in the dorm common room to connect with others who are also looking for connection but hiding it.

Many people are in the same position but cannot tell because they are hiding; sitting down can lead to forming a group.

one person who lived it

Find local meetup groups or sports clubs related to your interests to meet people outside of school.

It provides a diversion and likely a mix of people.

one person who lived it

Connect with Resident Advisors or dorm staff at the start of the year and offer to help with floor activities.

There is usually a lot to do then, and they will appreciate the assistance.

one person who lived it

Plan outings with coworkers to expand your social circle through professional connections.

You may meet their friends and other new people.

one person who lived it

Spend time with sociable people to help become more extraverted and build your own friend group.

One person reported that sticking with a sociable friend helped them act more extraverted and eventually form their own nice friend group.

one person who lived it

• If you are an introvert, make at least one good extroverted friend to encourage you to go out and expand your social circle.4

Do things with other people in common contexts like school, work, or gyms to meet potential partners.

These settings provide common context and regular exposure to people.

one person who lived it

Force yourself to talk to strangers at pubs to grow socially.

One person reported this helped them grow socially despite embarrassing themselves.

• You may embarrass yourself.

one person who lived it

If you are new to an area or country, organize watch parties for popular sports events to help with connections with others.

It is a strategy that helped one person when moving to a new country.

one person who lived it

Ask to join existing study groups.

People rarely reject requests for help and often find the experience enjoyable.

one person who lived it

Create study groups or invite peers to learn together to foster accountability and social bonds.

This keeps people focused through mutual responsibility and serves as an organic path toward friendship.

3 people, independently

Join structured activities like cooking classes or school clubs to meet strangers in low-pressure environments.

Being thrown into situations with strangers helps solve the problem of finding friends.

2 people, independently

Get closer to coworkers and invite them to spend time apart from work, as this personal experience led to natural invitations.

One person found that coworkers naturally invited them to hang out after starting work, despite previously having few friends.

• This is based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Start by visiting the gym if you enjoy fitness, or the library if you prefer books.

These are suggested as nice starting points for meeting people or finding structure.

one person who lived it

If you feel different from others, stop forcing connections and seek out people who share your specific interests.

One person found that accepting their reserved nature and finding friends with shared hobbies (like comics and video games) led to natural clicking.

2 people, independently

Engage with people who are passionate about niche interests.

Their passion is worth getting to know and can lead to friendships and invitations.

one person who lived it

Knock on neighbors' doors to invite them to parties or events, as one person reported meeting their best friend this way.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Attend low-pressure public gatherings like farmer’s markets, open mic nights, or trivia to be around people without the expectation of forming deep friendships.

It provides a steady spot to be around others rather than being stuck alone.

one person who lived it

Ask classmates for help during orientation or early classes to bond over shared confusion.

One person bonded with friends this way because they were all 'lost' freshmen sticking together.

one person who lived it

Initiate conversations with random people in low-stakes public spaces like dining halls, knowing that the odds of seeing them again are low if it goes poorly.

Over time, repeated interactions make faces familiar and friendships can spark.

one person who lived it

Hang out in common areas where others are gathering.

Established friendships have not yet formed, so everyone is open to connection.

one person who lived it

Join walking or social groups that organize weekly walks and weekend trips to build a new friend group.

2 people, independently

Join groups where members collectively struggle to get a goal, such as running groups, military units, or sports teams, to bond easily.

Collectively struggling to get something helps you bond with others easily.

one person who lived it

Attend concerts or shows based on shared musical interests to deepen bonds.

Music is a shared interest.

one person who lived it

Attend recurring activities such as clubs, sports, or volunteer work to see people regularly and develop rapport.

Regular attendance allows you to talk to people and build a relationship.

2 people, independently

Attend Student Senate meetings to meet active and engaging students.

It is an easy way to connect with people who are already involved in giving back.

one person who lived it

Socialize in library cafes where people are taking breaks and more open to conversation.

People there are usually taking a break.

one person who lived it

Introduce yourself to people around you by smiling and acting friendly.

Exposing yourself to more people increases the likelihood of making friends, and smiling makes you appear approachable and happy.

one person who lived it

Encourage others at the gym to build social connections.

Gyms are good places for socializing because many people share similar goals like getting fit.

one person who lived it

Explore your neighborhood to meet women, visiting places like bars, clubs, or libraries.

People need to meet somewhere to reproduce.

one person who lived it

If you are neurodivergent, attempt to connect with others who share similar traits.

4 people, independently

Find out where parties are held, particularly those occurring the day before classes start.

those are described as the best times to meet people

one person who lived it

Follow university social media pages and join online conversations to make friends before arriving on campus.

It allows you to connect with people before starting.

one person who lived it

Become a regular at a specific location like a gym, pub, or community center to naturally meet people over time.

Going regularly eventually leads to meeting people.

one person who lived it

Attend campus seminars unrelated to your major.

It can introduce you to new connections and friends.

one person who lived it

Check your local library's website or social media for clubs and events not solely related to reading.

Public libraries usually have such clubs and events even for non-bookworms.

one person who lived it

Attend public sports events to meet supportive people and start conversations.

You may get noticed by someone who initiates talking.

one person who lived it

Participate actively in student orientation events.

People are very social during this time.

one person who lived it

Engage coworkers in small talk to find common ground and gradually build friendships.

3 people, independently

One person reported making friends quickly through publicity stunts, jokes, and parties, such as throwing an Xbox off a roof.

• The person noted they do not talk to any of those friends anymore.

one person who lived it

Intentionally put yourself in unfamiliar situations to broaden your horizons by meeting new people.

4 people, independently

Use a playlist to set the mood during gatherings.

It is described as a key element.

one person who lived it

If guests do not click, host smaller dinners instead of large parties unless you feel the group will come together.

One person learned from a specific experience where a large party did not work out.

one person who lived it

Complete tasks in advance before guests arrive and provide a game or activity for them to bond over.

One person found this approach worked for them.

one person who lived it

Leave your headphones at home when walking around campus to stay open to spontaneous interactions.

It helped one person who usually wears them constantly.

one person who lived it

Provide individual metal untangling puzzles for guests to hold, which helps reduce awkwardness and aids conversation.

It helps in conversation and makes people feel less awkward.

one person who lived it

Host low-effort gatherings around a fire pit with bring-your-own-beverages and shared snacks, including non-alcoholic options.

This approach is cheaper in the long run.

one person who lived it

Use a large plastic container for drinks instead of a bathtub to avoid creating a bottleneck in the bathroom.

Putting drinks in the bathroom creates a massive bottleneck.

one person who lived it

Clap loudly and fast for performers, particularly when applause is sparse.

It requires little extra effort but helps the performer feel better.

one person who lived it

Clarify whether the gathering is a dinner, hangout, or party to set expectations for food and payment.

Expectations differ between these types of gatherings.

one person who lived it

Carry a non-alcoholic beverage to appear social without consuming alcohol.

It is more important to be seen holding a beverage than for it to necessarily contain alcohol.

one person who lived it

Include small interactive games, such as a mini basketball hoop, to entertain guests.

One person reported that everyone loved it.

one person who lived it

Enhance the sensory environment with flowers, candles, air freshener, and low-volume background music.

Music below speaking volume helps reduce awkward silences.

one person who lived it

Set clear goals and work towards them to help stay calm.

Having clear goals helps maintain calmness.

one person who lived it

Add items to your online shopping cart but do not check out.

It helps curtail impulse spending and boredom.

one person who lived it

Move the computer to a separate room and use parental controls on your phone to block browsing apps.

It helps if you have the willpower to follow through.

one person who lived it

Avoid being negative or angry at the world.

It sucks the energy out of the room and makes you difficult to be around.

one person who lived it

Stand back and observe your internal monologue without engaging it.

Staying present makes the inner voice quieter and leads to a more peaceful life.

one person who lived it

Stop comparing yourself to others and stop competing with them.

Competition is a game you will never win; instead, be happy with what you have accomplished.

one person who lived it

Ignore people who act icy towards you and focus on enjoying the hobby, giving them time to potentially warm up.

Over time they may become less icy.

• They might not warm up; this applies to anyone acting icy.

one person who lived it

Focus on making your own day as good as you can rather than worrying about the people around you.

3 people, independently

Do not defend yourself if the arrangement works for both parties.

You do not need to justify what is functional for those involved.

one person who lived it

Ignore people who occupy your thoughts to deny them satisfaction.

Thinking about them gives them a win.

one person who lived it

Find groups that challenge you constructively rather than challenging those who do not want to hear contradicting points.

People who do not like hearing truths or contradicting points will hinder your growth.

one person who lived it

Accept non-verbal cues like silence or walking away as a clear 'no' and stop pursuing the topic.

Continuing to engage when the other person does not want a discussion is imposing yourself on them.

one person who lived it

Stop caring so much about others' judgments to naturally change your behavior.

When you stop caring, your behavior will change.

one person who lived it

Repeatedly place yourself in uncomfortable scenarios.

It will get better.

6 people, independently

Practice valuing yourself rather than demanding respect from others, as this self-practice leads others to take notice.

You cannot demand respect from others, but practicing self-value influences how they perceive you.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that people are focused on themselves rather than being against you.

It provides comfort and helps prevent taking things personally.

2 people, independently

Be kind rather than just nice by establishing boundaries.

Being too nice often involves having no boundaries.

one person who lived it

Distance yourself from friends who constantly bring up negative topics or debate rudely under the guise of humor.

That energy is draining.

one person who lived it

Practice smiling at yourself in the mirror, such as after washing your face, to build a positive facial expression routine.

It is a good routine.

one person who lived it

Mock disrespectful people back, either out loud or in your head, to reject rude attitudes.

This is framed as a way to not accept disrespect and rudeness from anyone.

one person who lived it

Pick one personal trait you dislike and concentrate on improving it.

3 people, independently

Distance yourself from people who do not appreciate your kindness or become defensive about it.

Such reactions indicate they have personal issues or are unaccustomed to genuine kindness.

one person who lived it

Work on your sub-communications first using available resources.

It is described as an easy fix, though not necessarily quick.

one person who lived it

Reserve blunt corrections for close relationships where you have earned the right to critique.

Unsolicited advice from acquaintances can cause anger because it is seen as overstepping.

one person who lived it

Take regular breaks from social interaction to recharge.

It prevents burnout and irritation.

2 people, independently

Concentrate on personal growth and cease measuring yourself against others.

14 people, independently

Focus on yourself and your partner instead of wasting energy on people who cannot return effort.

one person who lived it

Create a separate user account on shared computers for children to prevent them from accessing your files, email, or browser history.

They cannot accidentally or deliberately access your private data.

one person who lived it

Eliminate immature behaviors like scoffing or eye-rolling.

Such actions can permanently damage your reputation.

one person who lived it

Distinguish social pressure from your actual desires and adhere to your morals.

one person who lived it

Avoid staring at provocative items like offensive stickers or shirts to prevent encouraging the behavior.

Staring gives the person the reaction they want and fuels tribal motivation.

one person who lived it

Sum up your insights succinctly.

To avoid overriding the conversation.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset that others' opinions mean nothing unless they affect your family, money, or safety.

one person who lived it

Perform an 'Irish Goodbye' (leaving without saying goodbye) if necessary to enforce your boundary to leave.

3 people, independently

Be straightforward and confident when talking to people.

You are talking to them because you want to talk to them and meet them, not because you are making up an excuse.

one person who lived it

Consider that questions about your weekend may stem from a preference for small talk rather than judgment.

Some people simply like small talk.

one person who lived it

Strike up random conversations with strangers.

Those who answer often lead to the best conversations.

• Some will ignore you.

one person who lived it

Call family and friends frequently for short stints.

Talking more often makes it easier to find gaps in schedules that line up.

one person who lived it

Ask unexpected questions that require thought, such as 'What's the most dangerous thing you've ever done?'

This can reveal super cool things about the person that even their best friends did not know.

one person who lived it

Limit phone conversations with friends.

One person reported being much happier when doing so.

• Based on a single individual's preference.

one person who lived it

Be honest and directly ask someone out to a specific event at a specific time; if they say no, accept it politely and do not ask again.

It is scary, but it is the best route.

one person who lived it

Introduce yourself simply by stating your name.

You'll get a name in response.

2 people, independently

Learn basic phrases in the other person's language, such as asking them to speak slowly.

It shows respect and often delights the other person.

one person who lived it

State your own thoughts first to invite responses, rather than forcing revealing answers through questions.

Sharing your perspective in a way that expects a response may prompt the other person to share theirs.

one person who lived it

Recall details from previous conversations and ask follow-up questions.

It makes it easy to be likable to people.

one person who lived it

Make an effort to introduce yourself to everyone at your table during orientation or lunch.

This approach helped one person connect deeply with someone who felt they had known them for years after just a few days of talking.

one person who lived it

If you dislike sports, try following them to gain topics for new conversations.

One person found that starting to follow sports allowed them to hold and start many new conversations.

one person who lived it

Before mentioning an ex, ask yourself if doing so provides useful context for what you want to say or do.

Often it is not the case that mentioning an ex provides useful context.

one person who lived it

Directly bring up flaking behavior and ask for their response to determine if they are sincere or indifferent.

You will never know their intent until you ask.

one person who lived it

Use humor or cheekiness, such as jokingly asking if they want to buy the shirt, to break the ice when someone comments on your attire.

It usually makes people laugh.

one person who lived it

Approach people by asking simple situational questions or commenting on their drinks.

It puts you in their shoes regarding what they would want someone to approach them with.

one person who lived it

Use humor and playful wit to sneak in requests or invitations, framing them as jokes so rejection is less personal.

Humor is a good way into situations.

one person who lived it

Listen for gossip and negative talk to identify who is unsafe to trust with personal information.

Knowing who talks shit helps you determine who you can trust.

one person who lived it

Share fewer details so that interested people ask for more.

This increases engagement with them.

one person who lived it

Replace generic greetings with specific questions about weekend plans, recent news, or the highlight of their day.

Generic greetings are too surface level; specific questions allow for a transition into deeper conversation.

4 people, independently

Ask open-ended questions about how someone is doing or feels about something.

Yes-or-no questions kill the conversation, while open-ended ones produce it.

one person who lived it

Listen to podcasts and read news to gain relatable topics and stories for conversation with a wider range of people.

This provides life experiences and stories that make others curious about your life.

one person who lived it

Participate actively in class and take notes to encourage classmates to ask you questions.

One person found that their classmates felt comfortable asking them questions or talking to them about lessons because they participated and took notes.

• Based on one person's experience.

one person who lived it

Join a group conversation with a 'half-known' acquaintance when you see them talking with a mutual friend.

This is described as the best opportunity to engage with such a person.

one person who lived it

Observe a group's dialogue first, then contribute to their discussion.

3 people, independently

Greet people with a simple 'hello' or their name, even if you are not interested in friendship, to encourage interaction.

One person reported that this simple greeting made their day and prompted them to open up.

one person who lived it

Treat yourself less seriously and tell jokes you previously hesitated to share.

Communication became much easier.

• One person's experience.

one person who lived it

Tell family members you enjoy talking to them so they know how much you appreciate it.

It helps the speaker and allows them to adjust based on the family's appreciation.

one person who lived it

Keep conversations focused on topics where you can contribute, such as asking others about themselves and how they met.

You are there to learn about the other person as well.

one person who lived it

Sit near someone before lecture starts and lean over to ask them a question about course material you don't understand to initiate a discussion.

It may lead to a discussion getting going.

one person who lived it

Take up small talk as a conscious choice to demonstrate awareness of social conventions.

It opens doors to necessary relationships and leaves you better off despite being draining.

one person who lived it

Practice conversations regularly to improve your articulation and fluency.

Speaking more makes it easier to articulate words.

• Non-native speakers have a different standard for fluency and should not worry about this.

one person who lived it

Take up organized activities like walks, board games, or sports with quiet friends to help with conversation through shared context rather than personal disclosure.

It allows you to converse about the activity or shared context.

one person who lived it

Aggressively discuss your specific interests, hobbies, and experiences to attract like-minded people rather than sticking to broad topics.

Broad topics may fail to connect you with similar people.

one person who lived it

Gather personal experiences of your own to share with people.

Sharing new experiences, such as learning an instrument, can generate responses.

one person who lived it

Actively include new significant others in conversations to create openings for them.

Failure to create an opening prevents them from being friendly and easy.

one person who lived it

Study Ramit Sethi's course 'How to Talk to Anybody' and his YouTube material.

His material is described as great.

one person who lived it

Talk to people regardless of gender to expand your network, as they may know other potential partners.

Expanding your network through general conversation can lead to introductions to prospective partners.

one person who lived it

Reveal personal details gradually while observing the other person's engagement and willingness to share before sharing more.

• Do not tell everyone everything about your life immediately.

6 people, independently

Introduce yourself first to create a better impression and make others comfortable.

4 people, independently

• Start interactions with small gestures like smiles, head nods, and greetings before attempting conversation.7

Say hello consistently until the greeting evolves into a full sentence.

This method worked for one person.

one person who lived it

Initiate conversations using low-stakes templates, such as asking for directions or clarification.

It is the easiest way to initiate and most likely to succeed.

one person who lived it

• Compliment specific items people are carrying, such as backpacks, to start a conversation.1

Show genuine interest in others by asking real questions and sharing emotionally important topics.

Showing interest in other people makes you interesting to them.

one person who lived it

Ask about topics that genuinely interest the other person to sustain conversation.

People often enjoy discussing their passions and may become quite engaged when talking about their interests.

5 people, independently

Develop the skill of finding entertainment value or humor in mundane topics and minutiae to keep conversations engaging.

Great conversationalists and comedians excel at finding what is funny about ordinary experiences.

one person who lived it

Share your feelings, personal experiences, stories, and daily details with others.

It provides conversation topics and helps gain rapport and establish friendly connections.

one person who lived it

Deepen one-on-one conversations by sharing thoughts, feelings, and desires beyond just describing actions.

Sharing internal states creates a deeper level of connection than merely reporting activities.

one person who lived it

Reference shared past interactions or inside jokes to fill conversational voids as friendship develops.

Knowing more of a person's interests makes it easier to talk about them.

one person who lived it

Bring people who look uncomfortable into the conversation.

This keeps everyone involved.

one person who lived it

Use the person's name occasionally during conversation.

It makes the other person feel more noticed.

one person who lived it

Cultivate interests in various topics to provide material for conversation.

Having interests gives you things to talk about.

one person who lived it

Let conversations guide themselves naturally rather than forcing them with pedantic questions.

Pedaling questions to keep conversation alive can get old.

one person who lived it

Balance showing interest with allowing the other person to contribute to the conversation.

Too much interest without balance can be overwhelming.

one person who lived it

Prepare topics in advance that you are interested in discussing with others.

4 people, independently

When introducing two strangers, cite a specific shared interest or topic for each to provide a conversation starter.

4 people, independently

Approach acquaintances by asking about class assignments or sharing thoughts on a course to initiate conversation.

3 people, independently

Join local speaking groups that specialize in improving communication skills.

3 people, independently

Make a conscious effort to initiate social plans.

It can help your social life grow gradually.

one person who lived it

Improve social skills by spending time around people.

Social skills are learned through practice

2 people, independently

Create a bucket list using resources like Wikipedia's list of hobbies to motivate yourself to try new things.

It helps cross things off and motivates trying new things, some of which may stick.

one person who lived it

Start juggling with bean bag balls because they do not roll away.

they are great for beginners

one person who lived it

Take the role of initiator by making plans and inviting people, as many dislike being the one to start it.

People generally do not like being the initiator.

one person who lived it

Swap contact details, like phone numbers or social media handles, with people you click with to stay in touch.

• if you *really* hit it off

4 people, independently

Invite others to meals by casually asking if they want to join you for breakfast, lunch, or dinner.

It is likely to be a welcome invitation.

one person who lived it

Switch from a standard gym to community-based physical activities like rock climbing, martial arts, or cycling.

You'll make friends easily.

one person who lived it

Invite people to specific activities rather than vague hangouts to reduce ambiguity.

Some people refuse vague hangouts because they are too abstract.

one person who lived it

Suggest and organize activities like concerts or sports to keep new friendships from losing interest.

People are likely to lose interest if you do not suggest or organize these types of activities.

one person who lived it

Ask close friends to organize more hangouts so the responsibility does not fall entirely on you.

Some friends may be lazy or go with the flow rather than actively planning.

one person who lived it

Plan activities and send open invitations to people to build a social circle.

people will show up and eventually invite you to their activities

one person who lived it

Break daily routine monotony by doing something different, such as taking a day trip, researching fun activities, going out with friends, or playing board games.

Monotony and the same daily routine kill conversations.

one person who lived it

Say you are hanging out with friends if you prefer not to disclose your actual solitary activities.

It is an acceptable answer that protects privacy.

one person who lived it

Set a routine that includes social activities.

helps

one person who lived it

• Establish regular social routines with friends, such as weekly lunches, to reconnect.1

Start dancing Latin partner dances like Salsa, Bachata, or Kizomba.

They are social and fun without requiring conversation.

one person who lived it

Play non-competitive social sports and stay after games or training sessions to chat, eat, or drink with peers.

one person who lived it

Review your daily interactions and plan specific improvements for tomorrow.

Social interaction is a skill that can be learned.

one person who lived it

Be patient and inviting during the spring or second semester, as socializing often increases then.

socializing often increases then

one person who lived it

Invite people to activities without expecting them to attend so that cancellations do not diminish your enjoyment.

Managing expectations prevents disappointment when others cancel last minute.

one person who lived it

Exercise regularly to relax and release endorphins, which helps you socialize better and feel more comfortable being yourself.

Exercise relaxes you and releases endorphins, making you better at socializing.

one person who lived it

Get roommates to help with casual social interactions like watching games together or going for beers after work.

Roommates provide an excuse to engage in social activities instead of doing them alone.

one person who lived it

Schedule appointments at student center homework help desks.

It provides easy conversation starters through academic questions.

one person who lived it

Participate in structured activities like Magic: The Gathering, basketball, video games, or board games to practice fixed social interactions.

These activities provide good opportunities for fixed structured interactions.

one person who lived it

Focus on physical activity, maintain friendships (particularly with men), dedicate time to learning and self-development, and develop your career.

one person who lived it

Take up activities with enough volume or visibility that others might want to join in, such as playing video games loudly.

It facilitates social interaction by inviting others to participate.

one person who lived it

When declining an invitation, immediately propose a specific alternative day to hang out.

4 people, independently

Buy small Christmas gifts throughout the year while doing regular shopping.

It is easier on the wallet and reduces holiday stress.

one person who lived it

Do not combine birthday and Christmas presents into a single gift.

Receiving only part of a gift at one time and the rest later is frustrating and renders the item unusable until the second occasion.

one person who lived it

Cultivate a specific hobby or interest and actively share it with friends and family to guide their gift-giving choices.

It gives direction so they aren't buying stuff you won't use.

one person who lived it

Say 'thank you' when someone wishes you Merry Christmas, even if you do not celebrate it, rather than correcting them.

Correcting them just makes things awkward.

one person who lived it

Buy vintage, thrifted, or locally made gifts to keep costs low; one person spent about $15 per person but noted it still added up in a large family.

• Costs can still add up in large families

one person who lived it

Hold birthday parties in early December to avoid them being overshadowed by Christmas.

It keeps the day focused on the person rather than becoming part of holiday gift confusion.

one person who lived it

• One approach that helped: celebrate a birthday falling near Christmas on a different date when there are better social opportunities.1

Do not buy wallets or neckties for men unless they specifically requested them.

Men generally prefer to choose these personal items themselves.

one person who lived it

Organize a Secret Santa exchange for adults so each person buys only one gift.

It ensures everyone receives a present while limiting the number of gifts each person needs to purchase.

one person who lived it

Wrap gifts for different households in distinct base colors to visually distinguish them during multiple visits.

Wrapping paper serves as a better visual cue for convenience.

2 people, independently

Volunteer at local soup kitchens or charities, especially around Christmas.

They definitely need help during that time.

one person who lived it

Accept that some people will be angry regardless of whether you say Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, or nothing at all, because they are looking for reasons to be mad.

one person who lived it

Avoid giving excessive compliments, as this can cheapen your words and make you appear fake or desperate.

Complimenting too much or often cheapens your words.

• Faking indifference is annoying.

one person who lived it

Compliment people on traits you genuinely like, even if they are not currently proud of those traits.

This approach may help them become proud of those traits themselves.

one person who lived it

Give compliments freely when they are true.

They cost nothing.

one person who lived it

Frequently express sincere appreciation to family, friends, and colleagues.

It improves their mood, encourages positive actions, and gives them energy for the day.

• Do not overdo it if the person is uncomfortable with a certain trait, as this can cause resentment.

3 people, independently

Praise people for their effort and process rather than just the final result.

Acknowledging the work put in values the process and can mean more than generic praise, building deeper connections.

one person who lived it

Focus on your tone and energy rather than the specific words spoken.

Delivery matters more than vocabulary; identical phrases can sound sincere or dismissive based on how they are said.

3 people, independently

Point out when someone was right about a guess or foreshadowing.

It is a cool way to compliment them without admitting you were wrong.

one person who lived it

Share compliments family or friends give about your partner back to your partner.

It creates warm feelings.

one person who lived it

Ensure praise is sincere and warranted; avoid praising people for trivial matters that do not merit recognition.

Praising someone for something that doesn't warrant it can cause annoyance.

one person who lived it

Compliment strangers on their stylish or well-maintained shoes.

It often elicits a smile.

2 people, independently

• Compliment someone's appearance, such as their backpack, shirt, hairstyle, outfit, or shoes.6

Do not follow a compliment with an immediate sales pitch.

It is transparent and ineffective.

one person who lived it

Have a third party deliver a compliment to someone if you cannot do it directly.

One person found their teacher seemed grateful to hear kind words from a third party.

one person who lived it

Point out when you notice someone's hard work or physical changes to inspire genuine pride and motivation.

It validates their effort and encourages them to keep going.

one person who lived it

Repeat the other person's exact phrase to acknowledge their stance, then use 'however' instead of 'but' to introduce your point.

Using their words helps frame the situation and get agreement; 'however' is neutral while 'but' negates previous statements.

one person who lived it

Frame requests for favors as opportunities to flatter the recipient by valuing their specific expertise or possessions.

Asking for something that shows you value them acts as a form of flattery.

one person who lived it

Give sincere compliments to help make friends or leave a good impression.

Such gestures are usually reciprocated.

one person who lived it

Frame compliments around specific actions or choices rather than inherent traits.

It works wonders for the recipient.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge changes in a person's appearance, such as a new haircut, to demonstrate that you are paying attention to their state.

Noticing details shows you care enough to pay attention, which can be more impactful than other forms of comfort.

one person who lived it

Thank someone for treating you nicely after they have made an effort to be polite.

One person reported that thanking someone for their politeness prevented them from acting condescending thereafter.

one person who lived it

Celebrate good performance frequently to encourage it to repeat.

Praising good performance causes it to repeat.

one person who lived it

Value invitations, trust, and requests for advice as forms of high-level compliments.

one person who lived it

Relay compliments you hear about someone directly to that person.

It is a real day brightener and can increase mutual respect and camaraderie.

one person who lived it

Make your flattering comments specific and sincere rather than general.

General comments do not work well; sincerity improves the effect.

one person who lived it

Bcc employees on emails where you praise them to their managers, or forward compliments directly to ensure recognition reaches them.

It ensures they know they are appreciated, especially if managers are unsupportive.

one person who lived it

Compliment someone on what they value or think about, rather than superficial traits, to show sincere appreciation.

Sincere appreciation comes from the heart, whereas flattery is merely a polite social gesture that is essentially worthless.

one person who lived it

Compliment bands that your musician friends play with, as they often appreciate the recognition.

They appreciate the recognition.

one person who lived it

Keep appearance compliments to outfits or neutral items rather than physical attributes, especially for older men complimenting younger women.

Older gentlemen commenting on young ladies' appearances risk being branded as creeps.

one person who lived it

Compliment service workers on small acts of kindness or efficiency, such as saving you money.

one person who lived it

Provide basic hospitality items like cake, coffee, water, pizza, soda, or chips to guests.

These options are good and won't break your budget.

one person who lived it