Safety
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Read 'The Gift of Fear' by Gavin de Becker to learn how to recognize and trust red flags.
It teaches you to listen to your internal voice, which could save your life.
one person who lived it
Create audible cues like rustling bags, tapping feet, or speaking on a call when following someone in dimly lit areas to avoid startling them.
It helps reduce anxiety for the person in front of you and prevents them from thinking you are sneaking up.
4 people, independently
Keep your head up and look around rather than down to stay aware of your environment for safety.
Looking down prevents you from knowing what can happen around you.
- In some places, like Switzerland, eye contact is rare or considered rude.
one person who lived it
Narrow your eyes and shake your head to signal that you will not give money; note that this may not work in all locations where panhandlers are more persistent.
Panhandlers often identify when there is no chance of receiving money and move on.
- In some locations, panhandlers are obnoxiously persistent and harass people until they pay.
one person who lived it
Get a small, noisy dog to deter intruders, as thieves dislike noise.
Thieves do not want noise.
one person who lived it
Use only one earbud or enable 'hear-through' mode while walking to stay aware of your surroundings.
It lets outside noise in and helps you remain cautious.
one person who lived it
Remove your backpack when entering a busy train or tight space to avoid hitting other passengers.
You may not realize how many people you are hitting when the bag is on your back.
2 people, independently
If you feel threatened in a public place, stay in well-lit, populated areas like lobbies around other people.
It is the safest thing to do.
one person who lived it
Use dismissiveness as armor for yourself, not just a signal to the other person.
It protects your own well-being.
one person who lived it
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Pretend to talk on the phone when walking near others at night.
Hearing you have a casual conversation might put them at ease.
one person who lived it
Scrape your heel with a metal object to create a clearer sound when walking behind someone.
It allows them to hear you more clearly.
one person who lived it
Ignore shouting from drivers and do not take it personally.
They are just assholes.
one person who lived it
Never take drinks directly off a server's tray at a restaurant.
Removing a drink unbalances the tray, causing other drinks to fall and spill.
one person who lived it
Wait for the server to set down hot plates before touching them.
Grabbing plates immediately can result in burns.
one person who lived it
Judge the safety of confronting someone playing loud music before challenging them.
Some groups play loud music to antagonize people and may be seeking a fight.
one person who lived it
When walking behind someone who is moving slowly, simply walk past them rather than slowing down to maintain distance.
Slowing down and staying behind can make the person in front feel followed; walking past shows you are minding your own business.
one person who lived it
If you run or exercise alone, avoid early morning or evening hours when fewer people are around.
The lack of people in the area can embolden attackers.
one person who lived it
Carry pepper spray as a precautionary safety measure.
You never know when it might be needed.
2 people, independently
Signal that your focus is elsewhere (e.g., by looking at your phone) when passing someone to reassure them you are not interested in them.
It reduces awkwardness by showing your attention is not on the other person.
2 people, independently
Do not move out of the way for people in store aisles if you are already positioned to allow passage behind you; maintain your position.
You do not take up space if you allow passage behind you.
one person who lived it
Avoid eye contact with strangers at night; if necessary, offer a half-smile without showing teeth while keeping your gaze averted.
Eye contact can be perceived as an invitation to talk or make people nervous; waves and smiles can also be creepy at that hour.
one person who lived it
Maintain clean clothes, intact shoes, and washed hair to improve grooming and avoid being mistaken for homeless or suspicious.
Regular grooming and appearing like you belong can go a long way.
one person who lived it
Adopt the mindset of moving quickly from point A to point B to project confident, non-hectic body language.
This mindset causes natural fast walking without fear, making you less noticeable.
one person who lived it
Do not dismiss current fears or doubts simply because you feel you overreacted in the past; acting on them may prevent putting yourself at risk.
To avoid answering the door and putting oneself at risk based on a false sense of security from past experiences.
one person who lived it
Avoid using gendered terms like 'Miss' when greeting strangers at night.
It communicates that you have noted their sex, implicitly contrasting it with yours and highlighting the potential threat you might pose.
one person who lived it
Ask permission before approaching or petting a dog.
Owners appreciate it, some people look for excuses to get mad, and some dogs are fearful of strangers reaching toward them.
one person who lived it
Adopt a mindset that strangers' intrusive behavior is due to their lack of awareness rather than personal malice, to reduce emotional distress.
People often look at others as obstacles rather than human beings, and you are likely overthinking it.
one person who lived it
Judge an interaction by the other person's actions and body language more than their words.
Friendly actions like smiling or waving can suggest a pleasant chat.
one person who lived it
Seek out store attendants in open businesses when alone and feeling unsafe.
They keep you in brightly lit areas, have protocols, can call police, provide addresses, and usually have cameras.
one person who lived it
Let someone know discreetly if there is a bug on them.
The person will likely be grateful to avoid the embarrassment of others noticing.
one person who lived it
If you cannot leave immediately, show clearly that you cannot help the stranger rather than ignoring them.
Ignoring is only effective if you can leave immediately.
one person who lived it
Take care of yourself without trying to anticipate what others are thinking.
you can't anticipate what somebody's thinking
one person who lived it
Think critically about whether construction workers are working safely and intervene if you see hazards, such as improper harness use.
one person who lived it