Self esteem
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Initiate contact with people you like instead of passively waiting for them to reach out.
Passivity often results in lower-quality connections; taking initiative yields better friends and partners. Men frequently fail to express interest unless they know you are open to it.
- Some view this as social bullshit perpetuated by movies.
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Decide to view yourself as attractive and cultivate self-worth instead of relying on external feedback.
Outside approval is erratic and unwise to depend upon; since no evidence supports either view, you decide what reality is.
- This requires shadow work.
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Identify and play to your strengths instead of trying to change yourself to fit some external concept.
Trying to mold yourself to some concept is the worst thing.
one person who lived it
Build friendships with women and practice casual conversation before seeking romance.
It is unlikely you will find a partner before making friends; you must first learn to communicate naturally.
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State your interest clearly and ask women out directly rather than waiting for them to notice you or make the first move.
Women are accustomed to men pursuing them and may not notice passive interest; they rarely initiate contact due to safety concerns or lack of strong attraction.
- Avoid bothering women while they are working.
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Stand up straight with shoulders back, maintain eye contact, and smile to project confidence and openness.
Physical posture affects how others perceive your confidence and can counteract negative self-viewing.
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Give genuine compliments on specific details like outfits, haircuts, or eye makeup.
People put effort into these things.
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Cultivate comfort in solitude and view time alone as a way to care for yourself.
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Embrace cringe until it no longer bothers you, recognizing that some level of it is inevitable for anyone trying to be funny or authentic.
Accepting your awkwardness grants significant freedom, allowing you to simply enjoy being yourself.
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7 more on this
Focus on being a positive influence and enjoyable to be around.
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Assume others are too focused on their own awkwardness to scrutinize yours.
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- Concentrate on lowering your worry about how others see you, rather than attempting to alter their opinions.3
- Recognize that almost everyone is awkward in certain areas, so your perceived awkwardness is likely shared by others.4
Read a person's body language, such as the direction their feet and body are facing, to gauge how receptive they might be to conversation.
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Focus on self-love and personal development—both mental and physical—while disregarding external judgment.
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Go to places where people share your interests so that conversation flows naturally.
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Take up group activities such as clubs, recreational courses like dance or culinary arts, or other communal pastimes.
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Consult a therapist for social anxiety and follow their recommendations.
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