Self improvement

If you feel shy or quiet, start taking social risks to take social risks to break that mindset.

Eventually you will care less about potential screw-ups as you realize no one is truly watching or reacting to your silly actions.

one person who lived it

Stop masking your true self; develop a way to show who you are that others can understand.

It ultimately makes life easier for you.

one person who lived it

Laugh at yourself to make others feel comfortable around you.

People like you more when they feel comfortable.

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Wait until you are fully ready to post or share; do not feel pressured to post as it is not a job requirement.

You do not need to post.

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Stop filtering yourself; speak even if you might say the wrong thing rather than saying nothing.

One person found this approach helped them the most.

one person who lived it

Own your awkwardness and act proud of it if mentioned; one person reported this helped them stop being self-conscious.

Embracing awkwardness changed their life by reducing embarrassment.

• Based on one person's experience

one person who lived it

Stand up for yourself when people are rude, offensive, or trying to use you.

7 people, independently

Stop masking your personality if you want true closeness and trust.

Others can only know your mask, not the real you, which prevents genuine connection.

one person who lived it

Own up to social mistakes immediately, act like it is not a big deal, and move on quickly, perhaps with a joke.

High-skilled people do this.

one person who lived it

Do not settle for friends who fall below your standards; recognize that it is not your fault if they do not appreciate you.

Settling is unnecessary and not your fault.

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Learn to read social signals to know when to advance or dial back romantic interest.

Pushing too far too fast is a mistake to avoid.

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Ignore the opinions of those who criticize you and do not let them define who you are.

People who are mean to others are rarely happy; focus on doing your own thing instead.

one person who lived it

Casually admit to being socially awkward to lower the stakes and make interactions easier.

It breaks down walls of social awkwardness and serves as an icebreaker so people know you are not trying to be difficult.

• Some people reported that this approach accelerated others getting weird with them.

2 people, independently

Avoid unsolicited info dumps.

Unsolicited info dumps are annoying; if people consistently avoid or lash out at you, it is a clear sign that it isn't ok.

• It is acceptable if the receiver is open to it.

one person who lived it

View the act of asking someone out as a victory in itself to build courage, even if the outcome is not what you expected.

It feels nice to do something you didn't do before.

one person who lived it

Do not call someone nearly every day for no reason.

This can be scary and is perceived as creepy.

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If a group does not meet your needs when you are being yourself, move on from them.

3 people, independently

Hold your head up and keep your back straight, even if you have to fake it.

3 people, independently

Stop caring what others think and simply be yourself to break the cycle of awkward avoidance.

One person found that this shift led to becoming fairly well respected.

one person who lived it

Ask an honest person, such as a doctor, to check your scent if you suspect hygiene issues are causing social exclusion.

Bad smell can push people away without them realizing why.

one person who lived it

Do not memorize someone's class schedule and wait outside their class to surprise them.

This is perceived as creepy.

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Recall that others are focused on their own existence and will quickly forget any criticism they direct at you.

People typically do not closely monitor what others do.

3 people, independently

Ask people specifically what you are doing that is weird or annoying so you can learn from it.

Terms like 'weird' and 'annoying' are vague; specific feedback allows you to carry that information forward.

one person who lived it

Greet everyone like they are your best friend.

They will act accordingly.

one person who lived it

Ask for things you know will be rejected (like a burger at a pizza place) to get used to hearing 'no' and reduce awkwardness.

It helps you realize rejection is not a big deal and reduces awkwardness.

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Breathe and tone down your energy when excitement creeps in.

People dig good vibes.

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View adapting your speech and tone as a normal skill for making others comfortable, not as dishonesty.

Inconsistency means you are changing and adapting, which helps make people feel comfortable.

one person who lived it

Shift your focus from yourself to others' interests, concerns, and lives, and be truly cordial with them.

Focusing on others and being truly cordial goes a long way.

one person who lived it

Talk to people about your struggles instead of keeping them to yourself.

3 people, independently

Remind yourself that others may feel just as awkward or insecure as you do.

4 people, independently

Combine wit and humor with kindness to create a lasting positive impression.

People will never forget you.

one person who lived it

Warn people upfront that you are awkward to set expectations and reduce pressure.

Disclosures help a lot.

one person who lived it

Continue spending relaxed time with your son to demonstrate support.

Being present means the world to him and indicates you are already doing many things right.

one person who lived it

Stop trying to conform or impress others out of fear of judgment; instead, relax, be yourself, and enjoy life, which one person found led to making more friends and having more fun.

Trying to fit in and calm down for fear of judgment resulted in less fun and fewer connections for one individual.

one person who lived it

Embrace your awkwardness and be honest rather than trying to hide it or pretend to be someone else.

Friendly, awkward people are often endearing immediately, whereas masking awkwardness creates discomfort.

3 people, independently

• Accept that awkwardness is normal in human interactions, especially at the beginning, and recognize that you are likely less awkward than you feel.1

Give compliments freely, as they cost nothing but can boost someone's day or be life-changing.

Words are free and a compliment costs nothing.

one person who lived it

Try the 'fake it till you make it' approach if you cannot help but let awkward situations affect you.

The principle works surprisingly well.

one person who lived it

Stop repeating jokes that fall flat or suggesting ideas that have been repeatedly rejected.

Repeating a joke louder does not help if it falls flat.

one person who lived it

Stop caring what people you do not respect think of you, since you do not know their true perception of you and it should not matter.

one person who lived it

Speak up clearly and loudly when you talk to ensure people can hear you.

Mumbling is considered a major turnoff.

one person who lived it

Avoid staring at people without interacting with them.

It can be perceived as creepy or like you are analyzing them.

one person who lived it

Open up your body language to signal approachability.

Others tend to mirror your behavior and treat you the way you treat them.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that awkward social interactions did not result in death or legal consequences.

You didn't die, no one called the police, and your face isn't on warning posters.

one person who lived it

Treat 'No' as a complete sentence without offering explanations, especially if explaining previously led to violence.

You do not owe everyone an explanation.

• One person reported becoming violent when they tried to explain nicely.

one person who lived it

Look hurried and slightly annoyed in sketchy areas to deter interactions from strangers.

People don't want to interact with someone who looks pissed off.

one person who lived it

Accept that it takes time for acquaintances to feel like true friends; do not expect immediate closeness.

3 people, independently

Develop strong beliefs and take sides on issues, accepting that offending people is part of having a distinct personality.

Trying to please everyone prevents you from developing a true self.

one person who lived it

Ignore negative interactions and avoid arguing with people who refuse to help or offer perspective.

It is not worth arguing if they do not want to help or give another perspective.

one person who lived it

Avoid mentioning events or activities to friends who were not invited or could not attend, so they do not feel left out.

To prevent friends from feeling left out.

one person who lived it

Reframe being 'boring' as being unique or one of a kind, recognizing that many people enjoy the company of those who aren't the life of the party.

Boring is a perspective; turning it into a positive word like unique helps.

one person who lived it

Avoid demanding attention or acting in ways that are less intense than stalking but still intrusive.

This is perceived as creepy.

one person who lived it

Remember that people are generally too focused on their own insecurities to judge you harshly.

People are naturally selfish and love being listened to.

one person who lived it

Exercise restraint and consider your words before speaking; having a thought does not obligate you to voice it.

10 people, independently

Adopt an open stance and take up space while standing or sitting to appear comfortable and approachable.

Closed body language like crossing arms signals discomfort and a desire to be left alone.

one person who lived it

Be authentic, recognizing that not everything you say needs to be profound.

People can sense authenticity.

one person who lived it

• Be natural and authentic in conversations rather than trying hard.1

Give people the benefit of the doubt regarding their receptiveness to your social attempts.

They might just be receptive and respond kindly.

one person who lived it

Learn your team members' jobs and daily struggles thoroughly to lead with them rather than over them.

It earns more respect and allows social connection to develop naturally.

one person who lived it

Do not feel obligated to broadcast fun events just because influencer culture normalizes it.

It is perfectly fine to keep these things private.

one person who lived it

Drop the effort to uphold a 'nice girl' reputation and practice being assertive, as maintaining that image can lead to being treated poorly anyway.

People may treat you vilely regardless of your attempt to appear nice.

one person who lived it

Say what you are thinking honestly, even if it feels awkward.

This approach has generated positive reactions.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that strangers have flaws and are not worth your best effort to reduce the pressure to impress them.

People are imperfect and often uninteresting, so taxing yourself to perform for them is unnecessary.

one person who lived it

If you briefly meet someone and develop a crush, remember details about them but keep them to yourself until they like you.

Once the person likes you, they will appreciate you remembering their favorite things and special dates; before then, sharing these details can be off-putting.

one person who lived it

Practice staying put when others initiate a conversation rather than withdrawing.

Showing signs of shyness can lead to not being taken seriously.

one person who lived it

Accept that not everyone will reciprocate social efforts, and some may pretend to care while actually disengaging.

People are not always going to reciprocate; they may stop caring but pretend they do.

one person who lived it

Offer a sweet smile to make others feel slightly more comfortable.

It makes the other person feel slightly more comfortable.

one person who lived it

Reframe rejection as practice and lessons rather than failures.

Viewing awkward moments as practice helps overcome the fear of them.

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Acknowledge awkwardness directly and proceed with straightforward speech.

It usually releases tension and allows for a more honest conversation.

4 people, independently

Do not use all social advice techniques simultaneously.

You will look crazy.

one person who lived it

Stop keeping score in friendships.

It projects tension that damages the relationship.

one person who lived it

Approach new meetings with the goal of determining if the other person is a good friend for you, rather than trying to make them like you.

one person who lived it

Avoid looking at people's feet for long periods or often.

It makes you seem unconfident.

one person who lived it

Instead of trying to stand out, show genuine interest in what occupies other people's lives.

5 people, independently

Offer sincere compliments that make others feel valued and noticed.

16 people, independently

Realize that everyone is muddling through life regardless of their past, and model your interactions after people you find effective.

It helps overcome inferiority complexes and allows for more genuine relating.

one person who lived it

Establish clear boundaries by sternly voicing your opinion against bullies, rather than just ignoring them.

Ignoring them can backfire and turn you into a doormat or people pleaser.

one person who lived it

Do not take rejection personally.

Often it is not personal.

one person who lived it

Avoid limiting potential friends based on preconceived notions or negative attitudes from others, such as assuming popular people are fake.

Assuming outgoing or popular people are fake may cause you to miss out on better friendships that could help you come out of your shell.

one person who lived it

Keep showing up as yourself, remembering that people likely forget awkward conversations within minutes.

Awkward conversations don't mean people dislike you, and they probably forgot them quickly.

one person who lived it

Accept that some people will not engage or respond, and use repeated exposure to become comfortable with this reality.

Repeated exposure is helpful for accepting this.

one person who lived it

Focus on hobbies or self-development unrelated to dating to reduce 'creep' vibes and build confidence.

It reduces the 'creep' vibes.

one person who lived it

If direct eye contact is difficult, lock onto the bridge of the other person's nose for a few seconds, then look to the side and repeat.

3 people, independently

Ensure your exercises to overcome the fear of rejection are genuine and honest, not deceptive pranks, to truly learn comfort with vulnerability.

You can't get the full benefit if you aren't being genuine.

one person who lived it

Accept that you have zero control over how people respond to you; do not take negative replies as targeting you personally.

one person who lived it

Be selective and delicate when correcting people.

Correcting people frequently backfires by insulting their intelligence, even if you think you are looking out for them.

one person who lived it

Do not assume someone is unfriendly or dislikes you, as they may have personal struggles or processing issues that affect their demeanor.

You never know what is happening with someone; for example, a confused or annoyed expression might just be their resting face due to a processing disorder.

one person who lived it

Address interpersonal problems directly rather than tolerating bad behavior indefinitely.

Talking about problems can resolve them, even if it feels formal or uncomfortable.

• Complaining about everything can become formal and uncomfortable.

one person who lived it

Stand straight, make eye contact, and smile or smirk without forcing bubbly energy.

It is acceptable to appear stoic and observant rather than energetic.

one person who lived it

Cheerfully greet people every day to encourage them to match your energy.

You will likely start hearing cheerful greetings back.

one person who lived it

Use a professional-looking poster board for public outreach to avoid being perceived as a scam artist.

Passersby may assume you are a scammer without one.

one person who lived it

If posting feels weird, search for existing posts with similar feelings and interact with those instead of posting your own thoughts directly.

This helps avoid receiving stupid comments.

one person who lived it

Learn to balance humor with seriousness by recognizing when jokes are appropriate and when silence or serious engagement is needed.

Failing to distinguish these contexts can lead to others not taking you seriously or confiding in you for advice or comfort.

one person who lived it

Stop treating every social interaction as a test you must pass.

Constant self-monitoring causes you to go blank and reduces the bandwidth available for listening and reacting properly.

one person who lived it

Recognize that many people hide their shyness by speaking outwardly while struggling inwardly, so you are likely not alone in feeling reserved.

Shy people who still interact socially appear normal, masking their internal struggle.

one person who lived it

Reject the label of being 'socially awkward' and instead view yourself as different but not less than.

one person who lived it

Accept that you cannot be charismatic around people who do not reciprocate your energy.

Being flamboyant does not work if others are giving back boring energy.

one person who lived it

Remember that you should be more afraid of letting fear control your life than of the specific social situation.

one person who lived it

Maintain spatial awareness to avoid blocking paths, physically excluding people from a group circle, or shouting in quiet atmospheres.

Lack of spatial awareness is bothersome to others.

one person who lived it

Ask questions about the other person's day or upcoming events instead of cracking jokes.

This makes social situations less awkward.

one person who lived it

Practice blurting out whatever pops into your head instead of filtering yourself.

Shyness involves filtering yourself.

one person who lived it

Try connecting despite awkwardness, since awkwardness only prevents friendship if it stops you from trying.

one person who lived it

Assume everyone likes you to counteract the assumption that they are judging you.

one person who lived it

If you are perceived as shy due to politeness or quietness, do not worry; continue behaving authentically as it may reflect maturity and consideration.

Being mature and considerate can be mistaken for shyness.

one person who lived it

Stop trying hard to impress people or seeking validation, as desperation can repel others.

one person who lived it

Refrain from speaking negatively about others to avoid creating unnecessary enemies.

It is pointlessly making enemies.

one person who lived it

Offer compliments, encouragement, and positivity to encourage others to be nice in return.

People will likely reciprocate kindness if you are always nice.

one person who lived it

Avoid gossiping about mutual friends, as it makes you appear untrustworthy.

It immediately makes the gossiper seem untrustworthy.

one person who lived it

Play with kids or animals to demonstrate empathy and emotional availability.

It comes across as attractive and charming.

one person who lived it

Recognize that everyone has insecurities and problems, meaning no one is truly 'above' you.

Knowing someone intimately would reveal they are not intimidating.

one person who lived it

• Recognize that everyone is internally insecure, regardless of their external appearance.2

Do not force social interaction; take things slowly without feeling like you are on a timer.

3 people, independently

Accept that others' perceptions are often their own projections or lenses rather than objective truths about you.

one person who lived it

Divert attention from yourself by answering coworker questions with inquiries about their own activities.

It shifts focus onto them.

one person who lived it

Express appreciation honestly when you feel it, even if it is the socially correct response, to avoid being inauthentic.

Failing to express felt appreciation because it is 'correct' is an overcorrection that feels less authentic.

one person who lived it

Disengage from the 'awkward person' character you play and act confidently instead.

one person who lived it

Focus your intent on making others feel seen and heard, allowing appropriate body language to follow naturally.

one person who lived it

Stop treating relationships as overly transactional exchanges based on strict equivalency and fairness.

2 people, independently

Reframe social interactions as sharing mood and atmosphere rather than exchanging correct inputs for outputs.

one person who lived it

Refuse to participate in gossip or negative talk about others behind their backs, even with family members.

one person who lived it

Post burning thoughts or emotions online to let them flare and die, allowing you to let go and move on.

It provides an outlet when there is no one else to tell.

one person who lived it

Talk to yourself out loud as an adult to process thoughts, treating it as a normal way to work things out rather than childish behavior.

It helps process stuff.

one person who lived it

View your high school self as a separate entity from who you are now.

• Based on one person's perspective

one person who lived it

Care less about other people's drama and self-made crises to make your life easier.

It makes life easier.

one person who lived it

Break large goals into smaller, attainable steps and focus only on the first step.

The bigger goals will take care of themselves.

one person who lived it

Explain the steps you are taking to solve complex problems to reduce stress and avoid blind alleys.

Slowing down and explaining steps leads to less stress and fewer blind alleys.

one person who lived it

Fail small and often to build traction and grow, rather than risking big failures that are harder to recover from.

Big failures make small steps seem pointless and are much harder to get out of.

one person who lived it

Continuously learn when to care and when not to, adapting as time and society change.

The balance is not static; you must change with society or get left behind.

one person who lived it

Adopt the mindset that you are a fun, honest, and charismatic person until you actually become one.

Changing your self-image can lead to becoming that person over time.

one person who lived it

• Adopt a new persona to guide your behavior until it becomes natural.1
• Visualize your ideal self and behave like that person during social interactions.3

Accept cringing at your past posts as a sign that you have improved.

one person who lived it

Be honest with yourself about your specific problems to find the right solutions.

No one improves without finding their problem, and the core of individual problems decides which solution works.

one person who lived it

Reclaim autonomy by sensibly enjoying freedoms like nights out, lazy days, and vices on your own terms.

This allows you to burn out the desire to defy authority.

one person who lived it

Show people how you find answers rather than just giving them the solution.

It is more empowering and educational.

one person who lived it

Cultivate easy-going thoughts, as this internal attitude will reflect outwardly and influence how others perceive you.

Your thoughts reflect on you.

one person who lived it

Don't be afraid to look stupid sometimes, knowing it will pass, and learn every day.

You will notice improvement every few weeks.

one person who lived it

Recognize that choosing not to decide is still making a choice.

one person who lived it

Reframe shyness as being 'thoughtful' rather than negative to change your self-perception.

• This helped one person

one person who lived it

Discover your own likes and dislikes by developing strong opinions that you can defend.

This process peels away mirrored traits to reveal your true personality.

one person who lived it

Build a thicker skin while remaining kind, rather than believing sensitivity makes you special.

It is preferable to be both resilient and good to others.

one person who lived it

When vexed, reframe the experience as good fortune for bearing it well.

one person who lived it

Make your own decisions as an adult and ignore negative judgments from parents, recognizing that such criticism reflects on them rather than you.

Persevering in being your own person may eventually earn their respect.

one person who lived it

Read 'Laws of Human Nature' to improve your general understanding of people.

It helped with understanding people in general.

one person who lived it

Take small steps outside your comfort zone to build momentum through tiny wins.

4 people, independently

Empower yourself by recognizing that you can choose to act differently from your family's negative patterns.

Realizing you can do something different is empowering.

one person who lived it

Remind yourself that you have the power to change yourself despite inheriting poor social traits from your parents.

one person who lived it

Keep a physical reminder of social principles, such as a folded note, in your wallet at all times for psychological help, even if you do not reference it constantly.

It can help psychologically just to keep it with you.

one person who lived it

Focus on long-term progress over short-term gratification.

3 people, independently

Critically examine your own off-putting social habits to see if they mirror your parents' negative behaviors.

One person observed they unknowingly behaved much like their parents.

one person who lived it

Listen to 'Savvy Psychologist' for evidence-based psychological topics narrated by a PhD holder.

It avoids pseudo-pop psychology nonsense.

• Not specifically geared towards women.

one person who lived it

Observe your thoughts and identify the underlying cause for your speech style to decide if adaptation is necessary.

This observation is crucial to deciding whether adaptation is required.

one person who lived it

Reflect on past conversations to learn from mistakes and make necessary changes in perspective to avoid repeating history.

Failure to adapt allows history to repeat itself.

one person who lived it

Understand that 'normalcy' is hard to teach if self-sufficiency was taught instead during formative years.

one person who lived it

Follow the Toastmasters curriculum and internalize feedback to ensure improvement.

Making the effort to follow the curriculum and internalize feedback leads to improvement.

one person who lived it

View rejection as practice rather than failure.

Skill acquisition requires repetition.

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Build yourself up through fitness, financial success, and social connections so that individual rejections feel meaningless.

Having positive things to fall back on makes random rejection insignificant.

one person who lived it

Understand the underlying reason behind behaviors you observe so you are incorporating them meaningfully rather than just imitating them superficially.

Understanding the 'why' shifts the action from imitation to incorporation.

one person who lived it

Live in the present while learning from the past and planning for the future, remembering that everything is temporary.

one person who lived it

Actively create your identity rather than remaining defined by limited past life experiences.

one person who lived it

Acknowledge that evolutionary fears of rejection are not always relevant, using metacognition and willpower to transcend them.

one person who lived it

Achieve financial independence to remove the leverage parents have to control you.

one person who lived it

Intervene slightly to help a child who literally will not answer teachers' questions.

It is causing problems.

• only if it is actually causing problems

one person who lived it

Show interest in what others have to say while keeping your own answers short.

It is the easiest way to avoid oversharing.

one person who lived it

Offer to help people with skills or talents that align with their interests to directly impact their lives.

People love and respect those who do constructive things beyond just talking to them.

one person who lived it

Remember specific details about people, such as names, pets, or projects, and follow up on them later.

It makes people stick in your head.

one person who lived it

Use the weather as a go-to topic when you don't know what to say.

It is surprisingly effective and leads to other topics.

2 people, independently

Frame your interests in a relatable way by sharing your perspective or surprise.

People find this charismatic and engaging.

• Some argue that making your interests relatable dilutes your personality for others' comfort.

one person who lived it

• Prepare specific topics or stories about your own interests to share when asked what you are into.1

Watch Game Grumps playthroughs to observe how to switch instantly between serious life stories and silly jokes.

Seeing this mix of improv and heart-to-heart talks can make you feel capable of overcoming your own problems.

one person who lived it

Listen to understand, then ask questions about topics you are interested in when the moment is right.

People tend to like explaining what they know.

one person who lived it

Adopt a system such as feedback books, motivational interviewing, verbal judo, or command presence to know what to say.

It helps you know what to say.

one person who lived it

Check back with people regarding topics they brought up casually.

4 people, independently

Practice active listening to show interest in others.

It is described as a life-changing skill.

one person who lived it

Talk to your kids as adults by asking about their hobbies and interests to build their identity and confidence.

Lack of such conversation may lead to difficulty communicating with others later in life.

one person who lived it

Show interest in others by greeting them, smiling, and asking genuine questions about their lives and feelings before talking about yourself.

People feel less alone when they know someone cares about their stories and answers.

2 people, independently

• Initiate conversations by asking simple questions like 'How's it going?' and then interviewing others to shift focus away from yourself.3

Ask people questions about themselves to keep a roughly 50/50 ratio of talking versus listening.

5 people, independently

• Ask open-ended questions about someone's day or interesting experiences and listen actively to their answers instead of forcing conversation topics.10

Ask open-ended questions starting with 'what', 'how', or 'how come' to encourage longer responses.

These questions allow for many answers, unlike closed questions (starting with 'did' or 'has') which only yield yes or no answers.

one person who lived it

Actually listen to people so you can remember details about them.

It helps in social interactions.

one person who lived it

Use active listening combined with enthusiasm to make others feel interesting.

It is an easy way to build rapport.

one person who lived it

Prepare a few backup questions in advance to have a fallback if conversation slows down.

Having a fallback makes you feel more secure.

one person who lived it

Bring up relevant conversation topics that fit your true self instead of forcing nonsense.

It helps you stay authentic.

one person who lived it

Care about people and interesting things to produce conversation content that makes others want to chat with you.

Caring about people and interesting things produces content that makes you nice and encourages others to chat.

2 people, independently

Ask classmates small questions to signal openness and encourage them to share stories.

It shows people that you aren't against talking.

one person who lived it

Take up a specific activity or hobby to generate diverse social topics and connect with different types of people.

It provides things to say to many different kinds of people.

one person who lived it

• Volunteer regularly to generate conversation topics for socializing with friends.1

Avoid the 'ask more, talk less' strategy unless you are a natural conversationalist, as it can come off as intrusive or interrogative.

If you are not a natural at conversation, asking more and talking less appears intrusive and interrogative.

• This approach fails if you are not a natural conversationalist.

one person who lived it

Write down notes before one-on-one difficult conversations to use as a reference during an informal chat.

It prevents getting flustered.

one person who lived it

Focus on making mundane topics sound interesting rather than trying to come up with inherently interesting things to say.

This is described as the art of conversation.

one person who lived it

Seek out people who are natural drivers of conversations rather than trying to match energy with non-drivers.

Conversation driving is a personality trait; those who cannot offer this dynamic may not become great friends.

one person who lived it

Listen aiming for comprehension, not just to formulate a response.

12 people, independently

Be genuinely interested in others to become interesting to them.

Being interested makes you interesting.

2 people, independently

Initiate social exchanges by showing mild friendly interest, asking questions, and trying to make people laugh.

These actions are enough to start the reciprocal 'volley' of conversation.

one person who lived it

Listen to the Joe Rogan Experience to hear casual, unformatted conversations covering many subjects.

It helps become more comfortable having casual conversations and better keeping the flow of a conversation going.

one person who lived it

Repeat a person's name verbally at least three times during a conversation to help retain it.

Thinking about it doesn't work; verbal repetition improves retention.

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Listen actively to people's stories and remain agreeable; avoid arguing, being confrontational, or correcting people you have just met.

People love to talk about themselves and appreciate being heard without correction.

one person who lived it

When someone is cut off mid-sentence, steer the discussion back to them by asking them to resume or noting their last point.

4 people, independently

Own the initiative to begin conversations instead of waiting for others to reach out first.

3 people, independently

Filter potential connections by asking if you feel more like yourself after talking to them.

This filter saves wasted effort on incompatible interactions.

one person who lived it

Develop hobbies or interests to generate conversation material and build identity, rather than trying to force interestingness.

Interesting people do not try to be interesting; they simply talk about things they are into.

2 people, independently

Repeat the words people say in your head immediately after they speak them to keep your inner dialogue aligned with the conversation.

This trick helps merge your internal monologue with the external interaction, keeping you present.

one person who lived it

Identify which parts of your interests will appeal to others to make your material compelling.

Understanding what is interesting to others makes the material you present compelling.

one person who lived it

Stop forcing conversations and instead let them flow naturally.

5 people, independently

Show genuine interest in others to make conversations flow naturally and generate material for topics.

Genuine interest makes conversation flow naturally and provides material to work with.

one person who lived it

If you have nothing to say, ask the other person questions; they may be willing to carry the conversation.

3 people, independently

Learn about popular culture topics, such as TV shows, music, and sports, so you can participate in common conversations.

Knowing what most people like enables participation in most conversations.

one person who lived it

Practice speaking and socializing by recording video journals of yourself.

3 people, independently

Actively start discussions with service workers, such as cashiers or wait staff.

3 people, independently

Ask open-ended questions instead of autopilot platitudes to keep conversations engaging.

Standard questions like 'how was your weekend' are platitudes; specific open-ended questions drive engagement.

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Watch the Charisma on Command YouTube channel for communication tips.

4 people, independently

Listen to conversational podcasts to consciously and subconsciously learn from hours of conversations.

4 people, independently

Stand with your shoulders back and eyes forward; smile and make eye contact to project confidence.

Body language affects how others perceive you and can influence your own state.

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• Hold steady eye contact, keep an upright stance, and speak with clarity and brevity to appear self-assured.4

Take up activities that are slightly risky or just outside your comfort zone.

Learning is most effective when the challenge is neither too easy nor too hard.

2 people, independently

Improve your self-confidence.

There are many ways to do so.

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Become a member of Toastmasters to rehearse speaking publicly in a supportive setting and gain social self-assurance.

Several people noted it aided their shyness and social confidence.

5 people, independently

Force yourself to speak up despite anxiety, as it gets easier with practice.

5 people, independently

Learn something you are proud of to make self-expression easier.

Being happy with yourself makes self-expression easier.

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Compel yourself to converse with unfamiliar people every day; this practice can steadily increase your self-assurance.

One person became more confident each time they approached someone.

3 people, independently

• Push yourself out of your comfort zone every day in various settings, talking to people generally rather than just women, to build overall confidence.1

Record yourself speaking to identify if you are too quiet and adjust your volume.

Hearing your own recording can reveal low volume and build confidence in using a strong voice.

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Start strength training or go to the gym to boost self-confidence.

One person reported it helped their confidence tremendously.

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Fake confidence until you make it, but avoid being overly self-deprecating.

Being overly self-deprecating does not tend to inspire confidence.

• You'll know when you go too far.

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Take jujitsu or boxing classes to increase your confidence.

That'll increase your confidence a lot.

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• Start practicing a martial art like Muay Thai or Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to slightly improve confidence issues.5

Seek small confidence-boosting events, such as making someone laugh or receiving compliments for effort-based traits.

Small boosts are needed for confidence building to work.

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Find hobbies or activities you genuinely enjoy and dedicate time to doing them well.

People respect those who are passionate about something, and confidence can come from knowing you can do things well.

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Take baby steps to come out of your shell, putting in small amounts of effort consistently until you feel comfortable.

Consistent small efforts will eventually lead to comfort.

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Call random businesses to practice speaking with strangers, then hang up; this builds confidence without spending money or leaving home.

It trains you to talk to people without financial cost or physical movement.

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Take dance lessons and practice regularly to develop balance and comfort in your body.

Balance and general comfort come from practice.

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Master a specific skill to build self-pride and reduce feelings of inferiority toward others.

Confidence with people comes from being proud of your usefulness; feeling 'lower' than others leads to putting them on a pedestal.

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Learn social confidence by befriending confident people and imitating their behavior.

Some confidence is innate, but some can be learned by watching others.

2 people, independently

Care less about how others perceive you to build confidence.

People respond positively when you are comfortable being yourself regardless of their opinion.

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Start small by putting yourself in slightly embarrassing situations and use positive self-talk to push through, building up over time.

This strategy helps overcome feelings of embarrassment or shyness.

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Put yourself in uncomfortable situations consistently across a spectrum of scenarios and trust the process to build confidence over time.

Consistently doing this and trusting the process has been paying off over the years.

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Practice low-pressure micro-interactions, such as making one comment or asking one question.

to build confidence

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Act confidently by keeping your head up, making eye contact, laughing, speaking louder than usual, and relaxing.

Confidence matters more than specific content, provided you are not annoying.

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If you are a musician, join an existing band to build confidence and learn to support a shared vision before pitching your own songs.

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Smile to project confidence and feel more confident.

Smiling gives us confidence and makes us look confident.

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Do not mistake arrogance, loudness, or self-affirming comments about physical appearance for genuine confidence.

Many people confuse these traits with true confidence, but they are not the same.

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Indulge in hobbies like music, art, fashion, fitness, or hiking to build confidence.

Involving yourself in these activities is incredibly helpful for feeling more confident.

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Project confidence and enthusiasm in interviews and social settings, even if you have to fake it, as energetic responses are often favored over quiet ones.

People who answer questions energetically are often seen as more successful than those who answer quietly, even if the content is the same.

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Focus on gaining confidence rather than forcing yourself to lead conversations if you are naturally reactive.

Driving conversations may not be enjoyable for reactive people, making confidence building more valuable.

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Practice mindfulness meditation and yoga to become more aware of your body.

These practices helped one person increase body awareness.

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Work on increasing your confidence to shift interest from molding to others' personalities toward being yourself.

Increased confidence led one person to prefer being themselves over adapting to others.

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Practice ordering food for others in low-stakes settings to build confidence.

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Create a routine for social exposure, such as texting people about weekend plans immediately after work on Fridays, treating it like checking emails.

Building confidence comes naturally from working on social awkwardness.

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Focus on being confident over being comfortable, accepting that staying true to yourself may make some interactions uncomfortable.

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Spend dedicated time working on yourself through reading, exploring hobbies, and attending social events to build confidence and connections.

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Focus on mastering one social skill at a time to stay relaxed and engaged.

Trying to do too much causes you to become tense and anxious.

2 people, independently

Use the internet to learn social knowledge you missed.

It helped fill gaps in knowledge and saved the day for one person.

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Read books written for people with Asperger's to gain social knowledge.

They were super helpful.

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Practice social skills in real-world settings like grocery stores or when ordering food.

You cannot expect to learn social skills without actually practicing in the real world.

• Ease into it.

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Socialize frequently to improve your skills through practice.

Getting out of your head helps things flow better.

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• Expect occasional social missteps and improve your skills through practice.1

Take acting classes to help with social awkwardness and shyness.

Acting classes may help a lot with these issues.

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Take initiative to reach out to others rather than waiting for them to contact you.

Expecting others to act for you is a poor perspective if you want to be social.

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Take the first step in social interactions.

It will pay back.

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Recognize that social media skews perceptions of how socially active others are; most people do not have large groups of friends traveling together.

Social media skews perceptions.

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Take social risks by remembering that a new experience will not feel new the second time.

It reduces the fear of the unknown because the novelty wears off after one attempt.

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Be easy on yourself and recognize that poor social outcomes are not always your fault.

In some instances, such as colleagues only wanting to talk about work and children, the issue lies with the mismatch, not your skills.

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Practice social skills repeatedly, accepting that you will fail and look foolish at first as part of the learning process.

Social skills are skills that can be earned and developed through practice.

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Accept that you currently lack charisma and treat it as a skill to be trained.

2 people, independently

Request input on your social behavior from a trusted close friend or colleague.

4 people, independently

Keep a small circle of friends or relatives for daily interaction to gradually learn social skills.

Daily interaction with a circle or two is enough to learn social skills gradually.

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Treat social media as a minor distraction rather than a source of social worth.

It is like interactive porn: fun briefly, but inferior to real conversation or experiences.

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Develop social skills such as making small talk and adding to group conversations, even if it feels like putting on a pleasant face, because these skills are necessary for quality of life, friendships, and work.

Social skills are useful and necessary for quality of life, friendships, and work.

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Start with low-level social interaction and gradually increase it, similar to increasing weight in gym training.

Any skill follows this pattern.

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Focus on building confidence and understanding your own morals and beliefs before focusing on social techniques.

Social interactions improve when you feel confident and sure of yourself.

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Combine reading about social skills with active practice.

Reading plus inaction leads to no results and information overload, while reading plus action leads to results.

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Treat socializing like a muscle to build stamina through steady practice, but allow yourself time alone to recharge when you feel drained and withdrawn.

Socializing strengthens with use like a muscle; external focus leads to feeling drained and needing solitude to recharge.

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Focus on practicing talking to people over just reading, as reading alone isolates you from real interaction.

Reading alone keeps you on an island instead of in the ocean of real interaction.

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Treat social guides as temporary training wheels to learn initially, then discard them to avoid relying on recipes instead of techniques.

Guides should be forgotten entirely eventually so they do not become permanent crutches.

• There is a risk that guides teach recipes instead of techniques.

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Keep a learning attitude and avoid believing you are hopelessly incapable of socializing.

Getting along with others depends on keeping up the learning attitude.

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Practice speaking with people who are required to interact with you, such as service workers.

Starting with these low-stakes interactions puts social skills into action.

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Read books on social skills such as 'How to Win Friends and Influence People', 'The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck', and 'Presence'.

4 people, independently

Work out social interactions by asking whether you expressed yourself or censored yourself, rather than judging them by the outcome.

Being committed to self-expression gives you more experience over time.

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Practice socializing regularly to adapt and reduce awkwardness.

Social skills are like muscles that adapt with training; neuroplasticity allows for normal functioning even with significant brain changes.

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Avoid the extremes of oversharing about yourself or isolating yourself completely in social situations.

These are common reactions for people who do not know how to act socially.

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Study characters like Chris Traeger from Parks and Recreation or Gabriel Byrne in In Treatment to learn tact, care, and disarming listening skills.

These characters demonstrate good social skills, tact, care, and disarming listening.

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Build social connections gradually by starting with simple greetings, then discussing children, and finally sharing personal interests.

It is a continuous process.

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Put yourself in new social environments and different situations to build adaptability and reduce fear of interaction.

Exposure to socially different situations helps you handle any type of situation and reduces fear of social interaction.

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View social interaction as a reciprocal back-and-forth exchange rather than a performance.

Interaction is defined as reciprocal action.

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Increase your curiosity about other people.

Lack of curiosity about others can hinder social interactions.

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Accept that improving social skills can lead to increased conflict and drama alongside positive outcomes.

Unlocking communication abilities opens the door to significant potential for conflict.

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Ensure your social interactions are not exclusively online.

Exclusive online interaction can hinder social development later in life.

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Practice social skills by joining Toastmasters, Dale Carnegie courses, the UCLA PEERS program, local hobby classes, or sports activities.

3 people, independently

Go on periodic social media fasts or temporarily deactivate accounts to reset your relationship with the platforms.

5 people, independently

Learn social cues and interactions as if studying a textbook for an unnatural skill, rather than expecting them to come naturally.

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Take up many social attempts to increase the likelihood of positive outcomes.

Rolling the dice enough eventually yields successes.

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Avoid initiating physical contact, such as high-fives, with strangers during exposure exercises.

It is awkward and often violates social boundaries.

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Repeatedly practice initiating brief chats.

It may feel strange and uncomfortable initially, but pushing through that stage can help it improve gradually.

8 people, independently

Go to events or group lessons for new hobbies solo to force interaction with strangers.

It feels awkward and boring if you do not talk to other people.

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Surround yourself with people who make you comfortable rather than those who make you nervous.

You may not be able to show your personality around people who make you nervous, but you thrive with others.

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Initiate conversations with strangers in transient settings, such as a line or a crowded park, where you will not see them again.

You do not need to worry about being weird since there is no future interaction.

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• Take up brief, low-pressure exchanges with strangers you must address, like store clerks.4

Surround yourself with people who are receptive to and share your high energy level.

Being around such people helped one person get comfortable with being excitable without needing to change themselves.

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If you are introverted or socially awkward, show your skills or give a light presentation to get noticed and make friends.

Showing skills helps people notice you, which can lead to making friends.

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Find friends who share your traits or complement your weaknesses to reduce social pressure.

Having someone handle topics you struggle with takes pressure off.

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Consider starting fresh in a new environment, such as a new school or town, to shed old social baggage, which one person reported helped them make good friends and enjoy life more.

A new start without the baggage of an old life helped one person make new friends and enjoy life more.

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Arrange social activities, such as nights out or meals, with work buddies.

It helps.

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Stop forcing engagement in social situations if you prefer quiet; accept that you may simply be an introvert rather than shy.

Pretending to be interested is tiring, and accepting this nature can lift a burden.

2 people, independently

choose your friends rather than letting others pick you, and initiate conversations despite the risk of rejection.

Letting others pick you may result in obnoxious friends; initiating many conversations increases the number of real friendships formed.

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Re-engage with hobbies like bowling to find structured environments for meeting people.

One person made friends through a league team after previously staying home.

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Start with small social interactions, such as saying hi to strangers or chatting at casual meetups, and actively listen by asking questions.

This helps take the pressure off and allows you to practice and get used to interaction before attempting longer conversations.

3 people, independently

Seek roles like mechanic or laborer where you must speak up for safety or troubleshoot issues in a group.

These roles naturally place you in a leadership position and allow you to introduce ideas toward a common goal.

• People may criticize your opinion or view you as critical; practice tolerance and respect since you cannot control their reactions.

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Join clubs or events related to your hobbies to find friends with common interests.

Shared interests make building real friendships easier than small talk.

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• Join clubs, classes, or groups based on shared interests to make conversations easier.3

Try making new friends regardless of your age or current circumstances.

It is never too late to build a social circle.

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Read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to learn basics like asking good questions, active listening, and appearing presentable.

Meeting people involves these skills and practice.

• Critics note the book tells you how to 'get along' but not how to CONNECT.

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Go out alone even without friends to force socialization with new people.

Going alone prevents you from staying only with known people and encourages you to socialize with others.

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Join niche interest groups like D&D or Magic: The Gathering communities to develop social skills and make friends within a structured context.

These groups taught one person how to interact, make friends, and fight for their own opinions.

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Once comfortable talking to new people, find excuses to visit local places and talk to locals to foster friendships.

to see what friendships blossom

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• Take things slowly with new people and build friendships around shared interests to ensure you have genuine topics for conversation from the start.1

Join adult recreational sports leagues meant for beginners and ask your teammates for beers after the game to mingle with extra confidence.

A few beers can give you extra confidence to mingle.

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Join singles groups where everyone knows they are there to potentially meet someone.

The clear intent removes the pressure of awkward meetings because everyone is seeking connection.

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Get a job that requires interacting with the public to force yourself out of your shell.

It forces interaction and pushes you into uncomfortable situations.

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• Get a hospitality job, such as waiting tables or bartending, to force yourself out of your comfort zone.1

Take dancing classes to gradually become more comfortable around women.

It provides repeated exposure that helps you get used to being around them.

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Take up group sports like basketball or football to meet people and naturally improve conversational ease.

Playing with others helped one person move from having a racing heart when talking to someone to becoming more natural in conversation.

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Do social activities with one comfortable friend to loosen up before entering larger groups.

Being around someone you are comfortable with makes it easier to socialize.

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Consciously invest time in friends by making appointments and showing actual interest in their lives.

Letting friendships happen passively can make people think you aren't interested in them.

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Suggest low-pressure group activities that align with his interests to avoid a forced feeling.

Shared experiences and natural highs and lows bring groups closer together.

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Go to venues aligned with specific interests rather than generic bars to meet like-minded people.

People you will likely get along with typically share similar interests.

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Find a hobby with a common interest, such as gaming, to help with better communication and connection with others.

Having a shared context and practice helps in communicating better online.

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Practice smiling and laughing more often, even if it feels awkward initially, to make conversations joyful.

Laughter is contagious and exchanges joy; practicing it helps it become genuine.

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Continuously meet new people to find a group that clicks with your personality.

Different personalities connect in different ways, so persistence may lead to finding your fit.

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Create conversation scripts, such as jokes or stories, and rehearse them first with family, then friends, and finally strangers.

Rehearsing often increases comfort with the material.

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Introduce yourself and ask for permission before joining a group activity or sitting with strangers to avoid appearing intrusive.

Sitting down or approaching without introduction can seem creepy, impose on others, and ignore their boundaries, causing apprehension.

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Start with simple, low-stakes interactions like saying hi or asking about a workout, with no expectations of romance.

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Reward yourself with a small treat, like chocolate, after successfully initiating brief, enjoyable conversations with strangers.

Using operant conditioning by taking small steps and rewarding each effort helps build the habit.

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Find a low-commitment hobby or excuse to justify practicing socializing.

Lower commitment makes it easier to justify the activity to yourself.

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Take up social interactions primarily to make yourself happy or feel accomplished.

It helps a lot, even if it sounds selfish.

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Watch content from a creator discussing not caring about others' opinions as a quick alternative to reading books on the subject.

It requires only five minutes of your time.

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Spend more time on your hobbies so you have something to feel proud of regardless of external circumstances.

It provides a source of pride independent of other outcomes.

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Take up hobbies that attract growth-oriented people, such as climbing or jujitsu.

These activities draw people who are serious about development.

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Talk about your interests and passions to demonstrate personality.

Lack of hobbies or passion can make a person appear bland.

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Focus on social pastimes, such as enrolling in art or music courses.

4 people, independently

Replace mindless scrolling with watching meaningful content or learning something new to feel good instead of wasting time.

Watching something good makes you feel good.

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Go experience things.

Experience makes you interesting.

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Take a personality test online and read your result.

It is definitely a start.

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Assign each family member 2-3 specific tasks to perform every time you leave the house.

It eliminates frustration.

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Sleep in separate bedrooms if it increases happiness, even while maintaining romantic times together.

Both partners may be much happier sleeping alone.

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Occasionally post updates about constructive activities you are doing in real life.

People enjoy seeing those who are actively engaged in real-world tasks.

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Try crocheting as a relaxing and artistic hobby.

It is relaxing and artistic.

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Calculate available free time by subtracting work, commute, and morning routines from 24 hours, then intentionally fill that time with activities you like or need.

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Assume most people enjoy helping others and feeling needed, just as you might.

Being asked for help and expressing gratitude afterwards makes the helper feel good and needed.

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Perform small acts of service, such as washing bedding for animal shelters, as valid volunteer work.

Doing small acts counts as volunteer work.

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Account for transportation costs when volunteering if you are on a tight budget.

Gas and public transportation expenses can add up when barely getting by.

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Choose volunteering opportunities that require a weekly commitment.

Seeing the same people regularly builds a sense of belonging and leads to being greeted by name.

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Volunteer at an animal shelter to experience pet companionship without the financial burden of ownership.

It allows you to save money by avoiding costs like vet visits and dog sitting.

2 people, independently

Treat volunteer work as a primary activity for meeting new people and building social connections outside of work.

One recent college grad reported meeting tons of new people and creating memories.

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Work part-time in event security or operations to gain behind-the-scenes access to see performers and artists.

One person's friend used this approach to see many performers.

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If you are unemployed and have downtime, consider volunteering at an animal rescue.

One person found it great because there is often waiting around anyway.

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Volunteer as an usher at local theaters to watch performances for free.

• Some ushers report the role feels more like work than watching.
• This is not available at all venues; Broadway and large touring houses often use paid staff.

5 people, independently

• Volunteer at community radio stations or nonprofit art events to gain free tickets and create a custom role you enjoy.1

Adopt the mindset that there is no such thing as being 'out of place' in charity work; focus on helping less fortunate people and treat any other benefits as extra.

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Volunteer as an animal cuddler at shelters, even when they are closed to the public.

animals still need affection

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Ask to volunteer for early morning setup shifts at conventions so you can attend as a normal participant for the rest of the day.

• Based on one person's experience

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