Socializing
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Acknowledge that most people are focused on themselves rather than judging you negatively.
People tend to be preoccupied with their own concerns.
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- Recognize that you are likely imagining negative judgments, as most people do not care about or notice your awkwardness.1
Read 'How to Win Friends and Influence People' to improve conversation skills and make connections at work.
The book helps with better understanding others and showing that you care.
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Do not take things personally.
Most situations are not about you.
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Join theatre, improv, or social clubs to force practice and engagement.
This forces people to talk to you.
one person who lived it
- Force yourself to talk to people even when it is not necessary to become accustomed to interaction and make it smoother over time.2
Have deep talks like venting with friends beyond shared hobbies to build trust.
This builds trust.
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Tone down your interest with people who don't reciprocate and focus your energy on those who do.
Practice active listening.
It is a rare skill that opens up your world and theirs.
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Commit to wanting connection and have the courage to give first in relationships.
Courage pays off.
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Set clear boundaries; recognize that many people will respect them, and distance yourself from those who do not.
Not everyone invades your space; plenty of people respect clear boundaries.
- If they don't respect your boundaries, they're not for you.
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Create a fun life for yourself by pursuing interests so that being fun comes naturally.
Developing yourself to this point sustains being fun.
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Act more outgoing and adventurous as a whole.
People appreciate those traits.
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Seek social connection to learn about other people's lives and avoid getting stuck in your own perspective.
Too much time alone can cause you to get stuck in your own thoughts.
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Be kind and confident rather than catering to women or being a jerk.
Good women dislike weak suck-ups and prefer kind, confident men.
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Show interest in what others are saying even if you remain quiet, as attentiveness is valued.
It shows you are attentive to their needs.
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If you do not know what to say, ask people questions, listen genuinely, and give them space to speak about themselves.
People love to talk about themselves
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Listen and ask thoughtful follow-up questions to learn from others, which helps you relate to them more.
Learning from others increases your ability to relate.
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Act around others as you would when alone, holding firm to non-negotiable values without imposing them on others.
This allows you to be yourself while respecting others.
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Tone down your interest with people who don't reciprocate and focus your energy on those who do.
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Accept that the world is unfair and move forward.
Focusing on past limitations stops you from moving toward opportunities; accepting unfairness allows you to focus on what's ahead.
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Approach someone within three seconds of deciding to do so.
Giving yourself little to no time prevents over-assessing the situation or doubting yourself.
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Silently look for something good to appreciate about the person you are talking to without asking out loud.
They often reveal something appreciable without you having to ask.
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Discover your own personality, learn new skills, and create hobbies to attract others naturally.
Others will come around you.
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Do something different so people remember that instead of past failures.
People don't remember much, and if they do, new actions can replace old memories.
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Do not panic during conversation pauses, as they are rarely noticed by others and the conversation usually resumes naturally.
Awkwardness is often forgotten shortly after it happens because the flow returns.
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Avoid expressing strong opinions with arrogance or dismissiveness toward other viewpoints.
This behavior tends to rub people the wrong way quickly.
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Be proactive and take the first step in social situations instead of waiting for others to act.
People tend to respond positively to any engagement in party or social settings.
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Initiate conversations to avoid being misinterpreted as having a problem with others.
Silence can be assumed as ignoring people or holding a grudge.
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Take up self-improving activities like reading interesting books, watching movies, taking up hobbies, and exercising.
Taking an interest in yourself draws others to you.
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When facing doubt about becoming more social, remind yourself of your original motivation for starting this process to stay focused.
Recalling the initial reason helps keep you in check during difficult moments.
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Cultivate the sense of searching and listening used when interacting with animals, applying it to conversations with people.
You don't need words to interact; this non-verbal connection helps cultivate better communication.
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Show genuine interest in others and find common ground to start conversations, while remaining relaxed about yourself to avoid appearing desperate.
Trying too hard is counterproductive.
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Restart slow conversations by asking for someone's opinion or advice.
Asking for advice instinctively increases trust.
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View yourself as capable of initiating conversations, as positive self-perception generally leads to better responses from others.
Thinking positively about your ability to approach someone often results in a better reaction from them.
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Volunteer with genuine sincerity rather than solely to meet romantic interests.
Insincerity is detectable and acts as a major turnoff.
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Avoid mentioning internet articles or Reddit posts in conversations unless you know the other person is interested.
It generally hurts budding friendships.
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Join a social hobby such as dance classes, team sports, cooking classes, or volunteering to make acquaintances that turn into friendships.
Listen to videos of conversations with strangers on YouTube to learn social skills.
It was a huge help for one person.
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Attend parties and social events to expand your circle.
One person reported their close friends increased from 10 to around 70 after starting this practice.
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Invite friends to activities without fear of being a burden, as they will only accept if they want to go.
An invite is just an invitation; you are not holding a gun to anyone's head.
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Join community arts groups like radio stations or theater troupes to meet a diverse mix of people.
These groups always need help and attract interesting people.
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Join social activities you genuinely enjoy rather than joining solely to make friends.
You will be happier even if you don't get friends instantly.
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Seek out groups of shy people or communities centered on your specific interests to build confidence and connect with those who understand you.
Being with people who share your traits or interests helps build confidence and allows for meaningful talk.
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Be honest about whether you want an extroverted or introverted roommate to avoid social isolation.
Choosing a mismatched personality type (e.g., an introvert when seeking social improvement) may leave you feeling like you are living alone.
- Personality types are not black and white.
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Introduce yourself to people you want to know.
Many people are surprisingly open to meeting new acquaintances.
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Start by practicing one-on-one conversations to build social momentum, as larger interactions can be overwhelming.
Social momentum is like rolling a snowball down a hill that gets progressively bigger over time.
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Join a social hobby such as dance classes, team sports, cooking classes, or volunteering to make acquaintances that turn into friendships.
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Keep going to clubs to become a regular face, establishing shared experiences that turn you into a friend.
Varied shared experiences turn you into the person others do things with.
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Take an improv class to unclench your mind and become conversationally at ease.
Improv classes are supportive communities that help shy people relax.
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Do things you enjoy alone to meet people with actual common interests rather than relying on coworkers or outgoing friends.
One person preferred meeting people with actual common interests over being friends with coworkers.
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Align your social activities with peers in similar life stages, such as married couples without children, to reduce communication hurdles.
One person found it easier when spending time with others who were also married but had no kids, noting that single people often prefer not to spend time around other people's children.
- This was described as one person's experience where no one was excluded, but interests naturally diverged.
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Join a book club to socialize with low interaction pressure, using the shared reading material as common ground to spark conversations.
There is little interaction required and you already have common ground to spark conversation.
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- Identify activities you would do for free when alone, then join related meetups or classes to find people with shared interests and a natural context for conversation.1
Establish stability in your life, such as secure housing and work, to regain social energy.
One person found that stability restored their ability to socialize.
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Choose recurring meetups to allow time to build friendships over multiple interactions.
Repeated exposure allows friendships to develop.
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Initiate friendly interactions with strangers, such as smiling, saying hi, or complimenting people in public.
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Avoid forcing humor; share jokes only when they arise naturally, but do not strain to be amusing.
If you feel awkward or shy, say it out loud to break the ice and signal that you are trying.
It lets people know you are not unfriendly.
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Be a good listener.
It is always a plus.
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Show emotions and expressions while listening, such as laughing or crying, to avoid appearing boring.
People will not talk to you if you lack expressions.
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If your humor is hard for others to catch, pause on making jokes until you have formed a connection with the group.
Early jokes can seem cringy if the connection isn't there yet.
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Watch stand-up comedy to improve your humor flow, pacing, and punchline delivery.
One person found it helped them become funnier.
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Reduce the frequency of jokes if they fall flat or get tiring.
Jokes can become tiring and annoy people; reducing them helps if annoyance is true.
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Maintain confident body language (head up, shoulders back) to avoid signaling weakness to potential bullies or thieves.
Acting weak signals to ill-intentioned people that you will not put up a fight.
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Take a second to put words together instead of swearing to fill air while thinking.
Taking a second helps keep the conversation going without having to say filler swear words.
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Give advance notice of your departure by checking your watch and stating you must leave soon.
Making a clear statement that you are ready to leave is important so that your statement of being tired is not misinterpreted.
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Work on answering questions directly and simply by thinking ahead about your responses before people ask them.
Indirect answers can bore listeners.
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Embrace sounding stupid or awkward rather than staying quiet, as existing in the interaction feels better even if you face rejection or weird looks.
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Avoid forcing humor; share jokes only when they arise naturally, but do not strain to be amusing.
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Use playfulness by misinterpreting statements in a fun way without taking things too seriously.
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Interject statements between questions to make conversations feel natural rather than like an interview.
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