Workplace
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
View being quiet as a neutral trait rather than a flaw to prevent self-criticism.
There is no shame in being quiet, and not everyone needs to be loud or extroverted.
3 people, independently
Start chats with easy questions about the weather, travel to work, time on the job, preferred tasks, nearby eateries, shows, or weekend plans.
Small talk helps open things up and allows you to bond.
- Only really works on Mondays and Fridays for evening/weekend plans.
- Don't overuse these.
3 people, independently
- Start short conversations about universal topics like TV shows, films, music, or food, and remember small details to reference later.1
- Start conversations by asking colleagues how their weekend went.1
Build friendly relationships with the people in food service, cleaning, and security roles.
These groups often have significant influence on your daily routine. Showing them respect may result in positive interactions or small favors, like having your workspace left alone during a search.
- Some janitorial staff may be passive-aggressive.
- Security staff may only interact with cleaning crews.
4 people, independently
Involve yourself more often by greeting people, asking about their day, and offering assistance early in a new job to break the ice.
Doing this early helps break the chains loose; waiting too long makes it harder to save yourself.
- From one person's experience, after a month there is no saving yourself.
one person who lived it
Ensure you possess at least two of these three traits: being well-liked, showing up on time, and doing good work.
People will tolerate lacking one if you have the other two.
one person who lived it
quiet, people, silence, quietness54
Read 'Quiet' by Susan Cain to understand introversion and realize it is not a bad thing.
Allow people to be wrong rather than correcting them.
One person reported this vastly improved their social life.
- There is concern about remaining silent when coworkers' errors could negatively impact the business.
one person who lived it
Raise your voice when someone tries to interrupt you to refuse being ignored.
After doing this one or two times, people usually stop trying to interrupt.
one person who lived it
Focus on the quality of your speech over quantity; speak only when you have something valuable, funny, or helpful to say.
People may perceive your contributions as 'golden' even if you do not say much.
4 people, independently
Ignore comments labeling you as quiet.
There's really nothing wrong with being quiet tho, and when people call you that it's not out of ill will.
one person who lived it
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Play up your differences with humor by speaking up about things you have never seen or done before.
This can turn around the lack of common ground.
one person who lived it
Understand that people may point out your quietness because they are worried about what your silence means, such as whether you are judging them.
Extroverts may be uncomfortable with silence or fear judgment.
one person who lived it
- Recognize that comments about your introversion often reflect the speaker's discomfort with silence.1
Read 'Quiet' by Susan Cain to understand introversion and realize it is not a bad thing.
It helps explain temperament and provides tips for dealing with extroverted environments.
7 people, independently
Use the gray-rock method by saying less if you do not feel safe challenging someone who belittles others.
Challenging such people may cause them to react angrily.
one person who lived it
Reframe your silence as active listening to build a reputation for being a rare and valuable listener.
Good listeners are rare, whereas talkative people are common.
3 people, independently
- If a colleague points out your silence, explain that you are listening to learn rather than speaking.1
Reframe early awkwardness as normal and less severe than it feels in the moment.
Awkwardness is quite normal when getting to know people and feels much worse to you than it actually is.
one person who lived it
Have witty, funny one-liners ready to deflect remarks about your silence, delivered lightly with a smile.
It can surprise people.
- Use sparingly to avoid misinterpretation as disengagement or rudeness.
4 people, independently
- When asked why you are quiet, stare in silence, blink to create awkwardness, and say '... why not' to discourage further questioning.1
- If someone criticizes your quietness, reply that you only speak when you have something to add.2
Cultivate a dry sense of humor to make your occasional comments impactful.
People may value your words more if they know they are quality or funny.
one person who lived it
Understand that people who constantly fill space with noise may be afraid of meaningful conversation.
They are often as afraid of silence as they are of deep talk.
one person who lived it
Do not take comments about being quiet seriously if they do not affect your work performance.
It does not affect your work and is not about your work.
one person who lived it
Make an effort to have genuine, enjoyable one-on-one conversations to counteract the negative impression of seeming too cool or unsmiling.
Being quiet and not smiling much leads people to assume you think you are too good for them.
one person who lived it
Recognize that pointing out shyness is often an attempt to include you or give you spotlight, even if poorly executed.
People normally have good intentions.
one person who lived it
Take initiative to talk first instead of waiting for others to approach you.
Waiting leads to remaining quiet due to shyness or laziness.
one person who lived it
Make sure any comments you make about people behind their backs are exclusively praise.
Others may relay your words while omitting their own negative contributions, leaving you exposed.
- Avoid joining in badmouthing even if someone else starts it first.
one person who lived it
Own your quietness; one person finds it refreshing in a world of loud people.
one person who lived it
Engage with what others are saying through words to show you are paying attention.
It prevents being perceived as unengaged or a 'dead fish'.
one person who lived it
Wear snarky t-shirts or humorous coffee mugs to shift focus away from your quietness.
It changes the focus off the obstacle of talking.
one person who lived it
- When others comment on your quietness, tell them you were enjoying their conversation to encourage them to keep talking.1
Speak loudly enough to be heard so others do not have to ask you to repeat yourself.
It is courteous to enable listeners to hear you without prompting.
one person who lived it
Handle upset or conflict quietly, following the example of higher-status people outside business settings.
Higher-status people typically do not get upset publicly or do so quietly.
- Applies specifically to contexts outside of business settings.
one person who lived it
Speak clearly at a volume appropriate for the setting, grounded in the belief that your words are valuable.
Believing your contribution is worthwhile is the key component.
one person who lived it
Unlearn the habit of staying quiet to please others, recognizing it was a performance rather than a natural state.
Staying quiet to please others reinforces quietness as a performance.
one person who lived it
Assert yourself in group conversations by introducing yourself and following up.
Failing to do so leads others to perceive you as quiet.
one person who lived it
Accept your natural quietness and ignore labels like 'shy' or 'introvert' if you are happy with yourself.
Labeling is unnecessary; self-acceptance is enough.
one person who lived it
If there is silence after your story, use self-deprecating humor to acknowledge the awkwardness, such as asking if the microphone is on or commenting that the story bombed.
It shows you have acknowledged the silence.
- It can be even more awkward if everyone remains silent after you make this comment.
one person who lived it
If you tend to listen and wait for others to finish speaking, treat this trait as an asset rather than trying to change it quickly.
Leveraging existing characteristics may be more effective than attempting to develop new ones in the short term.
one person who lived it
If someone comments on your presence, diffuse tension by joking back or using self-deprecating humor rather than reacting with hurt or anger.
One person found this approach effective for handling comments about their presence.
one person who lived it
Recognize that coworkers who aggressively fill silence may be projecting their own discomfort with quiet rather than criticizing you.
Their need for chatter is their problem, not yours.
one person who lived it
If you have lower energy in sales, use it to avoid appearing pushy or cutthroat.
Lower energy prevents coming off as aggressive.
one person who lived it
Speak concisely and finish your thoughts without pausing to prevent interruptions.
Dithering allows people to butt in.
one person who lived it
Share limited personal information to avoid the risk of being accused of lying due to oversharing.
Oversharing can lead others to believe you are lying.
one person who lived it
Recognize that being labeled 'quiet' in a second-language context may reflect the observer's ignorance rather than your actual skill level.
Some observers may not care that English is your second language and judge your proficiency unfairly.
one person who lived it
State that you are observing or have nothing to add when asked why you are quiet.
3 people, independently
Accept that reactions to your speaking volume will vary; some may find it too loud while others ask you to speak up.
Individual preferences for volume differ, leading to mixed feedback regardless of your chosen voice level.
one person who lived it
Adopt an 'I don't care' attitude to appear less bothered and reduce others' discomfort.
It looks like it is bothering you otherwise.
one person who lived it
Develop communication skills alongside technical knowledge so others can see what you know.
People do not always recognize your knowledge if you cannot communicate it clearly.
one person who lived it
Respond to questions about a person by citing a specific positive trait rather than giving a general judgment.
This approach keeps you out of potential conflict.
one person who lived it
Use short, neutral phrases like 'I'm just having a quiet day' or 'recharging' to deflect questions about your mood.
It signals neutrality and discourages further engagement.
one person who lived it
Focus on hearing what people say over planning your reply, and maintain an open, welcoming posture.
4 people, independently
Reframe quietness as a difficulty connecting rather than a lack of desire to connect.
one person who lived it
If a prickly person responds aggressively, do not respond with defensiveness or aggression; instead, maintain professionalism and restate your request.
Responding with aggression justifies their unacceptable behavior in retrospect.
one person who lived it
Offer solutions rather than just complaining about issues.
Complaining makes people seem annoying, while offering solutions makes them appear observant and problem-solving.
one person who lived it
Put on headphones to indicate you are concentrating and prefer not to be interrupted.
Wearing headphones universally signals that you are focused and unavailable for conversation.
3 people, independently
Pause before speaking to gather your thoughts rather than rushing into the conversation.
5 people, independently
Start conversations with coworkers in a boring way to prevent them from initiating further interaction.
This prevents accusations of being antisocial while discouraging others from talking to you much.
one person who lived it
If you realize you are smiling and nodding too much on video calls, adopt a neutral facial expression instead.
one person who lived it
conversations, conversation, talk, start37
Engage with those nearby and seek shared interests.
Interact with one or two people at a time instead of joining group conversations.
This approach feels far less overwhelming.
4 people, independently
- Build friendships in one-on-one scenarios first before attempting to navigate group settings.4
Share one or two thoughts during a conversation to appear more open and less guarded.
It makes you appear more open.
one person who lived it
Set small goals and take small steps, such as hanging out more with friends or engaging in chit chat.
Small goals and steps are the way to get better at anything and see change.
one person who lived it
Start asking questions to show interest, then remember details to bring up later.
Asking questions shows interest and allows you to reference what they said later.
3 people, independently
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Push yourself to interact socially even if it feels forced at first, because practice makes it easier.
Increased engagement leads to greater ease over time.
4 people, independently
Try new social approaches, as the worst outcome is no change from your current situation.
If people do not like it, you lose nothing since you were not socializing with them beyond a basic level anyway.
one person who lived it
Ask for tips for newbies to learn about people and start building connections.
It opens things up and lets you build from there.
one person who lived it
Let your outgoing partner do most of the talking in professional social settings where it is their job.
It will not seem out of place since it is their boss and job.
one person who lived it
Be patient and let small talk happen naturally rather than forcing interactions, which can appear desperate.
People can sense when you are trying too hard.
one person who lived it
Spend 30% of conversation time talking about yourself and 70% asking questions to create ease for the other person.
4 people, independently
Stick with a social plan until it becomes habit.
Doing it consistently eventually turns into habit.
- This was tricky for one person.
one person who lived it
Build confidence gradually by taking small steps to socialize outside your comfort zone, such as telling a joke or making a light comment.
Regular practice in uncomfortable situations improves socializing and confidence.
5 people, independently
Listen actively to learn the tempo of conversations so you can recognize moments to insert or change the flow.
Conversations have a timing like a song.
one person who lived it
Continue being yourself and accept that not every conversation will go perfectly or result in friendship.
Not everyone you speak with will become your friend, which is acceptable.
one person who lived it
Join conversations only if the topic pertains to you; do not force participation.
Participating when relevant allows natural flow, while forcing it may lead to awkward questions about why you joined.
- You may be asked why you added your input.
one person who lived it
Say 'good morning' at the start of the day and engage in small talk in communal areas like break rooms.
These simple gestures go a long way.
one person who lived it
- Chat briefly with colleagues using casual phrases like 'how are you?' so you don't appear distant.4
- Chat with people when you overlap in common areas like the kitchen, starting small to build relationships gradually.1
Ask a group if you can join them during a break; you do not need to talk much as the conversation will likely resume comfortably.
This approach was well-received and allowed for comfortable interaction without pressure to speak.
one person who lived it
Focus on patient care and demonstrating knowledge rather than engaging in small talk.
Customers are reportedly less concerned with small talk and more concerned with care and knowledge.
one person who lived it
Build friendships slowly by being friendly, smiling, and polite, understanding that trust takes time.
Friendship is mutual trust and understanding, neither of which comes overnight.
one person who lived it
Work in a call center to practice conversational skills while earning an income.
One person reported this helped them achieve financial stability as an adult.
one person who lived it
Treat socializing like jazz rather than a transactional checklist by mirroring vibes, bantering back, and leaning into the flow.
Treating conversations as mere information exchange fails to capture the nature of social interaction.
one person who lived it
Take up small talk to signal your mood, as fully disengaging may make sensitive coworkers feel disliked.
Small talk is often about taking the temperature of your mood rather than the content; disengagement stresses sensitive people who may interpret it as dislike.
one person who lived it
Practice communication skills through action rather than waiting to feel confident.
Confidence comes after repetition, not before.
one person who lived it
Read local news, sports, and business updates to know when to smile or sigh in conversation.
It helps you react appropriately without bringing up difficult topics.
one person who lived it
Engage children in conversation by asking about their interests such as YouTube videos or Netflix shows.
This usually gets them talking.
one person who lived it
Engage with those nearby and seek shared interests.
9 people, independently
State the specific social skills you want to learn in your post to receive actionable advice.
3 people, independently
Try initiating conversations yourself rather than waiting for coworkers to approach you.
Waiting for others to initiate can make the dynamic feel odd.
one person who lived it
Conduct yourself well in every interaction to gain opportunities and make connections.
Opportunities and great connections can be gained purely off of how you conduct yourself.
one person who lived it
Practice active listening and ask clarifying questions to encourage others to open up personally.
Conversations can get surprisingly personal when you actively listen and ask for clarification.
one person who lived it
Gradually increase the number of people you talk to daily over weeks to shift your reputation without appearing suspicious.
one person who lived it
Expect that 'grabbing a drink' after work usually involves just one or two drinks and relaxed conversation.
One person's experience indicates it is not necessarily clubbing.
one person who lived it
Provide follow-up questions to keep conversations going and act as a good listener who facilitates the other person's speech.
Providing feedback with follow-up questions keeps the conversation going.
one person who lived it
Offer pleasant, non-specific responses when asked about your personal life.
3 people, independently
staff, assistants, relationships, job29
Treat secretaries, receptionists, administrative assistants, security guards, and cleaners with respect and friendliness.
Do not be rude to front-line staff.
They control everything.
one person who lived it
If you work with junior staff who seem insecure, pass along compliments they receive from clients or patients to reassure them.
They may feel terrified and need to know they are doing okay.
one person who lived it
Act as a neutral sounding board for colleagues and strictly avoid gossip.
It builds trust and makes you liked by everyone on the team.
one person who lived it
Make friends with janitorial and building support staff.
They are often treated poorly like you, so having someone nice to them is valuable.
one person who lived it
24 more on this
Report a difficult person's behavior to their boss or department head.
The boss may change the person's attitude or they may seek another job.
one person who lived it
Avoid fawning or acting like a kiss-ass around celebrities or high-status people.
They may assume you exist to serve them personally and assign you tasks outside your job description.
one person who lived it
Be polite to everyone in a business, including receptionists, accountants, and CSRs.
All roles can help or hinder you in small ways.
one person who lived it
Build good relationships with secretaries and assistants because they control access to bosses' time.
Being nice helps you get ahead.
one person who lived it
Use a gender-neutral nickname on resumes and work documents to increase hiring chances in male-dominated industries, then reveal your full identity after being hired.
One person reported this helped them get hired for gigs they wouldn't necessarily get if they used their full name.
- Based on one person's experience
one person who lived it
Share food, especially baked goods, with maintenance and cleaning staff to build strong relationships.
This can lead to perks like first access to otherwise discarded food and more regular cleaning of your area.
one person who lived it
Treat secretaries, receptionists, administrative assistants, security guards, and cleaners with respect and friendliness.
They know everyone, have hidden powers, act as decision makers, serve as informers, are close to those in power, and can be lifesavers.
5 people, independently
- Treat underlings, assistants, secretaries, and custodial staff with kindness, as they hold significant power to help or sabotage your progress.1
Get to know new coworkers individually so they understand your true personality before group dynamics form.
This ensures people know you are a nice person when they see you around later.
one person who lived it
Take up small talk with colleagues across the company, such as asking about their families.
This relationship-building can be as impactful as actual job performance.
one person who lived it
Build rapport with local vendors to receive insider perks.
You may get early notice of specials or reserved items.
one person who lived it
Consider moving to Back of House (BOH) roles if Front of House (FOH) social demands are overwhelming, as BOH attracts different personalities and focuses more on hard skills.
BOH jobs involve less people skills and attract people who prefer minimal social interaction.
one person who lived it
Survive and thrive in many jobs by being friendly and delightful to co-workers.
A positive attitude and decency toward others goes a long way, sometimes allowing one to skate by on likability alone.
one person who lived it
Recognize that custodial staff are often aware of office dynamics and secrets because they see and hear everything in the building.
They act as the eyes and ears of the institution.
one person who lived it
Read the room and figure out the office politics before inserting yourself into conversations.
It is probably better for gaining acceptance from them.
one person who lived it
Greet everyone during job interviews, including front desk clerks, to build relationships that may lead to future opportunities.
Forming a relationship with a front desk clerk can lead to landing a job even after an initial rejection.
one person who lived it
Keep a pleasing personality and get by with coworkers without seeking deep connections.
Some people mingle at work for hidden agendas.
one person who lived it
Assume a lunch invitation from a CEO may be an assessment of your attitude or loyalty.
You might be being sized up for these traits, or the other person is validating the CEO's ability to read your personality.
one person who lived it
Focus on keeping your manager happy over pleasing peers, as managers control firing and promotions.
Managers fire people easily and keep notes that affect promotions.
one person who lived it
If you work in a school or similar setting, make an effort to speak with custodial staff when you see them so they know you as a person rather than just a role.
one person who lived it
Maintain professionalism and engage with all colleagues, including those you dislike or consider useless.
Even difficult colleagues may be decision-makers or influencers who can help secure buy-in for your projects.
one person who lived it
Treat administrative and executive assistants with kindness, as they often hold significant influence over leadership decisions.
They can advocate for you to decision-makers or convince leaders to give you opportunities.
2 people, independently
Treat administrative assistants with respect, as rudeness may lead them to intentionally delay or bury urgent requests.
One observer noted seeing urgent files buried because the requester was rude.
one person who lived it
Impress teachers or employers during the initial stages of your relationship to gain leniency in the future.
First impressions last, and building early trust can lead to greater flexibility later on.
one person who lived it
Be polite to valets, security guards, and doormen during interviews or visits.
A valet texted a hiring manager an assessment of a candidate while the candidate was on the elevator.
one person who lived it
fit, helps, social, culture21
Continue being true to yourself rather than changing your core personality to fit in.
Build a close connection with just one person in the group so they gradually adopt you into the wider circle.
Tribalism means getting along with one member helps integrate you into the group.
2 people, independently
Match your clothing style to those around you to feel more professional.
Looking like others helps you feel more pro-style.
- One person's experience
one person who lived it
Observe and mimic the phrases and behaviors of socially skilled coworkers to learn effective social patterns.
They are showing you how it is done.
4 people, independently
Change your social behavior gradually rather than suddenly to avoid appearing fake.
Sudden changes can surprise people or make them think you are trying too hard.
2 people, independently
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Accept that you cannot change who you are and ignore people who won't accept you.
2 people, independently
Improve social skills to find actual friends outside of work rather than relying on coworkers.
Being introverted is distinct from social skills; improving skills helps you find friends in the world rather than just at work.
one person who lived it
Be helpful, smile, nod, and perform your job well so people recognize your competence rather than judging your social skills.
People may base performance on personality, which is unfair; doing a good job ensures they know you for that.
one person who lived it
Be wary of egotistical coworkers, as one person's behavior can negatively influence the entire team's culture.
Others may follow the stream out of fear of being the outsider.
one person who lived it
Join external social activities like dance classes or Capoeira to boost confidence and social skills.
One person reported becoming a completely different person after starting, noting teachers helped deal with introversion despite initial fear.
- The beginning was scary.
one person who lived it
If you feel left out in an established group, continue interacting and socializing until they get acclimated to you.
It takes time for groups to accept new members.
one person who lived it
Continue being true to yourself rather than changing your core personality to fit in.
6 people, independently
Treat cultural fit as mission-critical to determine if you belong in an environment where you spend a third of your life.
one person who lived it
Ask yourself if you truly want to change your genuine demeanor to fit in, or if you should instead focus on finding people who fit you.
one person who lived it
Understand that 'culture fit' primarily means not being an asshole.
In better workplaces, this is more important than being socially outgoing or likable.
one person who lived it
Allow yourself to be goofy at work without overdoing it, and act confident to build self-confidence.
Self-confidence comes from acting confident.
one person who lived it
Examine your definition of 'fake' to increase self-awareness.
It helps you become more self-aware.
one person who lived it
Allow time to pass so coworkers become accustomed to your work habits.
Increased familiarity leads to greater tolerance and helps you fit in better.
one person who lived it
Adopt the mindset that confidence means being fine whether or not people like you, rather than needing their approval.
one person who lived it
Do not compromise your well-being to fit into a toxic culture; remain authentic and disregard the opinions of excluding coworkers.
Authenticity allows you to shine as a beacon for others.
one person who lived it
Find one person to talk to who can vouch for you to peers, which helps reduce the 'weird' aura and makes others more comfortable around you.
one person who lived it
Leverage strengths developed from lacking social skills, such as writing, listening, or creativity, to set yourself apart professionally.
These skills can help you stand out.
one person who lived it
bring, say, people, food41
Act toward others in the way you would prefer they act toward you.
Observe tasks that colleagues dislike or struggle with and handle them to make their work easier.
This can smooth out the day for everyone involved.
- Helping only works if the other person wants it; otherwise, it may be perceived as nonsense.
one person who lived it
Use polite forms of address like 'sir' and 'ma'am' for service workers and others, even if they are younger than you.
The people who care about it really do.
- Not everyone cares.
- Some people may be rude or think you are being sarcastic.
one person who lived it
Be friendly to those who may be prejudiced; let them seethe or hope they warm up to you.
They may just view you as a new unknown entity.
one person who lived it
Ask for advice rather than direct help to make the other person feel flattered and invested.
They often end up fixing the problem themselves because they like feeling like the expert.
- People may catch on after repeated uses and stop helping directly.
2 people, independently
34 more on this
Show equal respect and deference to all people, no matter their job title.
5 people, independently
Ask colleagues for their input or help, even if you already know the answer, to break the ice.
It helps shake off airs of superiority and serves as an ice-breaker.
one person who lived it
Say 'bless you' if a coworker sneezes.
It is nice to do so.
one person who lived it
Bring food, such as cookies, to IT staff.
IT staff appreciate free food and it helps your cause.
one person who lived it
Apologize for not knowing someone's name and introduce yourself to break the ice.
It is better than simply not knowing their name.
- A bit awkward
one person who lived it
Offer coworkers coffee or snacks to break the ice and bring people together.
Food brings people together.
one person who lived it
- Bring donuts, cookies, snacks, or candy to coworkers to initiate positive interactions and gratitude.6
- Bring food like cookies, donuts, or bagels to coworkers.1
Bring food to work to improve your image and break the ice if you are quiet or feel overlooked.
People appreciate the courtesy and view the gesture as nice, even if they do not eat the food.
one person who lived it
Send an email to apologize or say goodbye to a colleague if you missed doing so in person, and keep ready-made scripts for future farewells.
It is easier when the interaction is scheduled.
one person who lived it
Give specific praise for actions you want repeated, rather than vague compliments.
If criticisms are specific but praise is not, people will view the praise as insincere.
one person who lived it
Give others your full attention as if you were deeply interested in what they have to say.
It makes the other person feel valued, similar to how it feels when someone listens to you with deep interest.
one person who lived it
Learn and use people's names in greetings to make interactions more engaging.
is 10x more engaging
3 people, independently
If you speak a custodial worker's native language, converse with them in it to help them feel comfortable.
Using their first language is described as priceless for making someone feel comfortable.
2 people, independently
Make genuine eye contact and smile when greeting people to provide attention and improve their day.
These small gestures can make a huge difference and brighten someone's day.
3 people, independently
Act toward others in the way you would prefer they act toward you.
15 people, independently
- Treat everyone as an equal human being and remain civil, regardless of whether you like them.1
Judge someone's character by observing their behavior toward people who offer them no benefit.
4 people, independently
Offer maintenance or support staff a cup of coffee as a gesture of thanks.
It signals that they are welcomed and appreciated, which makes a huge difference.
one person who lived it
Appear engaged through eye contact, laughing, and small affirming statements to lessen the effect of being perceived as rude or othered.
It lessens this effect.
one person who lived it
Give hints rather than direct answers when colleagues ask questions you perceive as stupid, to determine if they forgot, didn't know, weren't told, or didn't check.
Observing their reaction to hints helps gauge the reason behind their question.
one person who lived it
Explain that follow-up questions are intended to help rather than obstruct.
This approach satisfied querents by clarifying the intent behind asking for context.
one person who lived it
Replace scripted responses like 'good morning' with genuine reactions to specific things coworkers say, such as 'oh that's annoying' or 'fair enough'.
Scripted responses feel robotic and checklist-like, whereas people can tell when you are actually engaging.
one person who lived it
Avoid fixing others' computers unless you are prepared to be blamed for all future issues.
From the point of intervention onward, users often view you as the sole reason for anything happening on that computer.
one person who lived it
Encourage team members to walk over to colleagues instead of sending emails to improve team effectiveness.
It creates a more effective team.
one person who lived it
Show initiative and go beyond literal instructions to meet implied needs.
Failing at achievable goals by following instructions exactly is often assumed to be acting in bad faith.
one person who lived it
Note positive performance to boost morale.
Most feedback people receive is constructive criticism or negative.
one person who lived it
Ask a potential rival simple questions to flatter them and encourage nurturing feelings, but avoid appearing incompetent.
It flatters the other person.
- Humans can detect insincerity or tactical behavior.
- Asking too many basic questions may make you appear incompetent and increase dislike.
one person who lived it
Offer fair compensation or trade services when asking IT professionals for personal help outside of work.
Anything else is insulting.
one person who lived it
Use a tight-lipped smile or a head nod to acknowledge strangers passing in hallways without engaging further.
This is enough for acknowledging another person's presence.
one person who lived it
Show humility and kindness to those performing tough or dirty jobs that you would not want to do yourself, rather than acting superior.
one person who lived it
Write down instances of attempted connection and being dismissed for therapeutic purposes, then laugh at yourself and pity the insecure coworkers.
It can be therapeutic.
one person who lived it
Ask service workers how they are doing, as they often appreciate the attention.
They seem genuinely surprised and appreciative.
one person who lived it
Interrupt others if you are providing value, such as offering invitations.
It is forgivable if you are providing something.
one person who lived it
Greet everyone you see regularly, even if they do not respond.
It is considered common decency and basic education.
one person who lived it
Extend automatic respect to everyone, including customer service representatives, unless they have done something to lose it.
Respect should be the default stance toward others who have not forfeited it.
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Say 'good morning' generally when entering a room rather than individually greeting each person.
It is polite and civil without intruding or bombarding people who may dislike excessive attention upon arrival.
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avoid, work, gossip, coworkers22
Avoid commenting on a female colleague's looks at work.
Embrace your role as an elder in the workplace and do not try to stay up-to-date with every new meme or trend.
Trying to catch up is silly.
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Choose to be oblivious to coworkers talking behind your back.
To protect your peace.
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Keep work and personal life strictly separate to avoid drama and gossip.
It keeps you safe and avoids friend favors.
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Accept that you do not need to be friends with coworkers; keep work separate from home life.
Work is not home.
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Do not brag about your achievements when you are new.
Coworkers may view you as competition, a threat, or simply annoying.
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Avoid commenting on a female colleague's looks at work.
The potential for misinterpretation is too high, and it could result in termination.
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Avoid employers who fail to provide direct feedback on hiring decisions.
This indicates they aren't worth working for and may be two-faced.
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One person reported that farting and defecating in a new job shifts gossip away from them personally.
It causes others to gossip about the bodily functions instead of the individual.
- This is a single anecdotal report of a specific social manipulation tactic.
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Avoid complaining about your job to coworkers.
People may avoid you if they feel reminded of their own dissatisfaction.
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Avoid starting sentences with 'it's cuz...' when speaking to bosses, as this phrasing often precedes excuses.
Bosses dislike hearing it because they expect something stupid to follow.
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Separate your job from your social life; view work primarily as a means to earn money.
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Discuss personal interests, hobbies, and family with CEOs to treat them as humans rather than just talking about work.
CEOs are human beings.
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Do not dismiss maintenance workers, as they hear conversations and may retaliate subtly if disrespected.
One person reported that workers talked negatively about them in a language the worker did not know they spoke, and then delayed fixing a drain issue.
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Keep work chats and emails strictly related to work items.
System administrators can read and retain these communications.
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Treat junior staff and supervisors with respect rather than bypassing them, as rudeness can lead to being blacklisted by management.
Rude behavior toward subordinates can result in a 'do not hire' note from leadership.
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- Avoid being disrespectful to subordinates, as it can cause hidden harm to yourself.1
Do not share social media accounts or personal life information with coworkers to limit their ability to gossip about you.
Giving them access provides more material for gossip.
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Value legacy or mundane programming tasks as worthwhile contributions rather than inferior to bleeding-edge technology.
Constantly reinventing existing code prevents it from working properly.
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Avoid using hierarchical language like 'below you' when discussing occupations.
It is patronizing and divisive.
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If you share legitimate concerns with colleagues, do not intentionally silo yourself from them, as this isolation is what supervisors want.
Intentional siloing is exactly what supervisors want in this scenario.
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Consider freelance or consultant work to avoid bosses, gossip, colleagues, and office politics.
- Suggested specifically for introverts.
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Remain professional and non-hostile with alienating coworkers, limiting conversation strictly to work topics.
Avoiding their games prevents frustration.
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Avoid trying to become best friends on day one; instead, focus on having fun and enjoying the food.
Trying to become close too quickly can be awkward.
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If you are in the UK, learn the European/Continental style of eating, as it is simpler and less likely to seem weird than the American style.
The American style involves swapping utensils and is more complicated.
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Avoid over-politeness with peers if it pressures them to reciprocate when they do not wish to.
Over-politeness can put pressure on peers to treat you the same way, which they may resist.
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Be nice to ticket agents at airports.
They may help with issues like excess baggage fees, making the travel experience more tolerable.
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Sit and listen to others, agreeing with their statements or laughing at their comments to gain acceptance over time.
This strategy can help you get accepted after a period of consistent engagement.
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Treat service workers like invited guests by showing them where things are and offering drinks if available.
Service workers are often invited guests.
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Be friendly to security teams, as they can bail you out of trouble.
Security personnel have been known to intervene and help in difficult situations.
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Do not expect to receive free donuts at the end of the day from Dunkin' Donuts, as many locations are instructed to discard them rather than give them away due to liability concerns.
Liability concerns prevent giving away unsold items.
- Some employees have given them away despite instructions, but one person reported being fired for doing so.
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Do not leave leftover donuts behind; instead, make a final offering to colleagues or take them home to avoid leaving stale food for managers to deal with.
Stale doughnuts aren't appetizing, and managers dislike having to deal with leftover items.
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Avoid asking bartenders to 'hook you up' for extra alcohol.
It typically results in smaller pours and rarely delivers on promises of reciprocity.
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