Workplace relationships
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Lower expectations for deep social bonding at work and accept that colleagues are not friends.
You are there for a paycheck; this saves you from drama.
2 people, independently
Treat after-hours work play with caution.
It tends to make things messy.
one person who lived it
Recognize that colleagues are not required to be friends or engage socially; concentrate on professional collaboration instead.
Workplace professionalism is essential, while personal friendship is not mandatory.
4 people, independently
Ask follow-up questions like 'How was your weekend?' instead of just saying hello to show interest.
Asking how someone is doing shows interest.
one person who lived it
Initiate greetings and small talk yourself if colleagues do not, as they may be waiting for you to make the first move or may themselves be closed off.
Approaching them usually breaks the ice.
one person who lived it
- Initiate one-on-one conversations with new coworkers using neutral topics like local food or coffee spots to break silence and find similarities.1
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Avoid disclosing personal information at work and keep interactions professional to protect yourself from nosy coworkers.
Do not trust coworkers with sensitive information they aren't supposed to know.
They may rat you out to get a promotion or throw you under the bus.
one person who lived it
Bring snacks for your coworkers to potentially win favor.
It might earn you brownie points.
one person who lived it
Be content with silence and do not feel obligated to entertain coworkers who demand attention.
You get paid the same as them and are all adults.
one person who lived it
One approach that helped a former victim: deliberately dress shabbily in public to signal a lack of valuable possessions and deter muggers.
He hasn't been mugged since doing this after being mugged once.
- This is one person's experience.
one person who lived it
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Move on from coworkers who give you the silent treatment rather than pursuing reconciliation.
It is not worth the drama.
one person who lived it
Do not mention side hustles or extra income sources to your employer.
One person was fired after mentioning they wanted to drive for an e-hailing service on weekends to earn extra income.
one person who lived it
Respond to perceived coldness or exclusion with consistent kindness and inclusion to demonstrate that you pose no threat.
It helps them recognize you are not a threat.
one person who lived it
Take time each day to ask colleagues about their weekends or hobbies.
Asking about interests brightens someone's day.
one person who lived it
Use fake answers for security questions that you can remember, rather than real personal details like childhood pet names found on social media.
Using real details like a pet's name creates a very real risk.
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Avoid discussing plans to leave or side projects.
Some employers interpret this as a lack of focus on a future there, causing you to miss out on advancement opportunities.
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Bring donuts or treats to the office and offer them sweetly to mean coworkers to confuse them and show indifference to their hostility.
This approach may disrupt the mindset of hostile coworkers more than expected.
- Some might interpret this behavior as desperate for attention.
one person who lived it
Find a better job rather than staying in a toxic environment where you are treated poorly despite long tenure.
one person who lived it
Stop sharing sensitive or unverified workplace information, such as layoff details.
It is not your business to share and it creates stress for those affected.
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Do not confront coworkers directly to demand to know why they dislike or ignore you.
Doing so will likely consolidate their negative opinion, cause them to deny it, or make them call you crazy, making the situation worse.
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Accept that one-third of people will dislike you regardless of your actions; focus on winning over the undecided third.
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If you are in a temporary, low-paying job where correcting negative perceptions requires significant effort, consider leaving for a new position.
The time and work required to fix the trend may not be worth it given the nature of the job.
one person who lived it
Be wary of 'anonymous' complaint lines as they may lead to retaliation.
One person reported that using an anonymous line led to the manager talking to the accused parties, who then made their life hell until they quit.
one person who lived it
Do not discuss family, religion, struggles, finances, coworker conflicts, or career goals with coworkers.
A boss once viewed a pursuit of grad school as a threat to loyalty, causing the situation to backfire.
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Feed coworkers harmless or absurd information so they learn there is nothing worth gossiping about.
They will quickly learn there's nothing worth gossiping about.
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Prove your loyalty and value to wary coworkers by staying the course and contributing positively to the team.
High turnover rates make colleagues hesitant to invest in new hires.
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Take notes on every conversation to analyze your social performance and identify areas for improvement.
It is easy to think we are doing everything right when we might not be.
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Do not shrink yourself or lower your performance to match the level of jealous coworkers.
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Hide employee schedules from public view to prevent outsiders from knowing when staff members are available.
Visible schedules allow outsiders to track worker availability, posing safety risks.
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Reach out to coworkers when appropriate by adding funny or interesting comments without interrupting conversations.
People can sense bad moods like bitterness and jealousy, which makes them avoid you.
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Perform your job duties with a smile and maintain politeness, even if the situation is difficult.
It is required for roles like receptionist despite being tough.
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Express interest in coworkers' lives, such as asking about new babies, to build rapport and avoid seeming disinterested.
People may assume you are not interested if you do not approach them or ask questions.
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Adopt a boring work persona that only discusses neutral topics like the weather.
Being the most boring person on purpose is an effective strategy.
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Keep helpful connections, discounts, or loopholes secret to avoid compromising the source or attracting unwanted attention.
Telling others can put your source in compromising situations, attract leeches, or cause the benefit to be fixed quickly once it spreads.
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Gradually increase interaction frequency over time to build comfort for casual banter.
Starting with quarterly offsite meetings and moving to weekly impromptu chats allows for this progression.
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Interpret a coworker's avoidance or lack of eye contact as potential intimidation, attraction, or a desire to avoid burden rather than personal rejection.
They might have a crush, feel intimidated, or want to avoid dealing with someone they are attracted to.
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Excuse yourself from social events by explaining that you need to recharge your social battery.
It is accepted best when framed as a personal capacity issue rather than a rejection of others.
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Avoid confrontation with difficult temporary colleagues to secure a good reference.
Confrontation is likely not worth it when your priority is not rocking the boat.
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Avoid disclosing personal information at work and keep interactions professional to protect yourself from nosy coworkers.
Coworkers are not necessarily friends or family, and oversharing can invite unwanted attention from nosy people.
2 people, independently
Limit sharing personal details with coworkers to prevent false rumors and stop others from using your information as ammunition against you.
Oversharing can lead to false rumors and complicate working relationships by providing ammunition for future conflicts.
2 people, independently
Prepare 2-3 fun, low-substance topics (like hobbies) to discuss with coworkers.
Framing weekend updates around these avoids oversharing personal struggles.
one person who lived it
Develop thick skin and accept that hostile comments reflect the aggressor's fragile ego rather than your worth.
one person who lived it
Do not take it personally if coworkers form cliques based on shared cultural identity or background, as they may simply click with one another due to shared references.
People share cultural references which makes having a relationship reasonable
one person who lived it
Maintain strict separation between personal and professional networks; do not add coworkers or clients to personal profiles to prevent workplace repercussions from private posts.
Overlap between personal and professional circles can lead to being reprimanded at work for status updates seen by colleagues or clients.
one person who lived it
Accept that social relationships strongly influence career prospects, promotions, and assignments, even though meritocracy is ideal.
Relationships drive business outcomes and are necessary to move up professionally.
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Leave your job if the culture requires extreme secrecy about unhappiness or if the work is miserable.
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Assume nothing you say or write at work is private from management.
Management may leverage communications against you if necessary.
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Observe rude coworkers with fascination rather than frustration, treating their behavior as a curiosity since it is their problem, not yours.
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Ask cliquey coworkers innocent, friendly questions to force them to either act normal or appear rude.
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Be aware that managers may focus on team cohesion over individual fairness, potentially siding with cliques against you.
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Invite coworkers to eat with you if you want lunchmates, rather than waiting for invitations.
asking is necessary if you do not want to eat alone.
- Some people prefer to decompress alone during their break.
2 people, independently
- Have a legitimate work reason, such as needing advice on a project, when inviting someone to lunch.1
When someone suggests getting lunch, ask 'when?' immediately to signal you are receptive and let them decide the time.
It clarifies if they intend to make real plans and shows you are open to the idea.
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If asked about voting intentions in an interview, state clearly that it is none of their business.
It is a job interview, not a political campaign role.
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Respond to provocative comments by feigning confusion and asking for clarification.
Shooting back engages you in the games they want you to play.
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Bring reading material to lunch to appear open but occupied, allowing others to approach you naturally.
As you build rapport and are seen as a cool person, coworkers will be more inviting.
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Ask trusted friends about specific incidents to check for misinterpretations, but avoid asking directly if rumors exist.
Asking directly implies insecurity and may cause others to perceive you negatively.
one person who lived it
If you work in a city, try taking a scooter to lunch spots that are too far to walk; one person discovered an amazing sandwich shop this way.
one person who lived it