Boundaries
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
If you have a separate work phone, turn it off completely at the end of the day.
The wait time for the phone to start up creates friction that prevents checking work messages.
one person who lived it
Avoid forcing yourself to do a hobby, as this turns it into work and removes the fun.
Forcing a hobby makes it cease being a hobby and become a job.
one person who lived it
Stop feeling guilty about taking approved time off, recognizing that managers may use guilt to make you work harder.
Managers often try to make employees feel bad for putting others in a tough spot to extract more work.
one person who lived it
Stand up when you want a colleague to leave your office to serve as a non-verbal cue that the conversation should end.
It implicitly signals that it is time to wrap up.
one person who lived it
Politely tell coworkers you cannot talk while working.
They test boundaries until they garble nonsense while you try to work.
one person who lived it
Schedule short breaks during the day to help the other parent so they can rest.
one person who lived it
Learn to say 'No' in various ways, pad estimates, and force bosses to reprioritize when new work is added.
To prevent overload.
one person who lived it
If you arrive early to work but cannot leave early, do not stay late to compensate for traffic delays.
Staying late donates uncompensated time you could have spent sleeping.
one person who lived it
If you overshared with coworkers while drinking, let it go without pleading your case and stop drinking around them.
Pleading your case will not help, especially since they were also drinking when they made bad suggestions.
one person who lived it
11 more on this
Agree on specific blocks of uninterrupted work time where the working partner closes the door to concentrate.
Interruptions while 'in the zone' can instantly drain productivity.
one person who lived it
Avoid going to lunch or anywhere else alone with the coworker.
They may use these opportunities to insert themselves further into your life.
one person who lived it
Maintain eye contact while continuing to type when someone engages you in non-work conversation.
This puts people off from engaging in non-work chatter.
one person who lived it
Look annoyed or busy to deter interruptions from managers or coworkers.
People tend to think you are busy if you look annoyed.
one person who lived it
Frame saving money positively, such as saying you are saving for a house deposit, to save face when declining expensive meals.
To save face.
one person who lived it
Say 'No, thank you' without providing further explanation when a coworker invites themselves to lunch.
Providing reasons gives them objections to overcome, similar to how salespeople handle refusals.
3 people, independently
Do not provide solutions or availability if you are not committed to the project, as this builds resentment.
It prevents building resentment in yourself and others.
one person who lived it
Do not feel guilty for workplace policies that benefit you but not your colleagues, recognizing that the company created the policy, not you.
that's not your fault
one person who lived it
Communicate clearly what you want socially.
Decent colleagues will respect you.
one person who lived it
Before redoing your tasks or weekly priorities, require the requester to set up a meeting with leadership to review the conflict; stay focused on current priorities until then.
This shares the pain of reprioritization and ensures alignment with previous discussions.
one person who lived it
Briefly acknowledge compliments with thanks and immediately continue your previous sentence or activity to avoid making the comment a big deal.
Students often test boundaries by seeing if adults get upset; ignoring the significance of the compliment prevents this dynamic.
one person who lived it