Communication
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
If a boss assigns a questionable task, send an email starting with 'As discussed on [date] I was tasked to...' to create a record.
The boss may call shortly after to retract the instruction or clarify it.
one person who lived it
Explain subjects by describing how your mind thinks about them, then ask for questions.
This is described as the best way found by one person.
- Based on one person's experience.
one person who lived it
State you are busy and cannot help; if you are a Subject Matter Expert, add that you will get to it when you can.
It is up to them to determine if it is an urgent requirement elsewhere.
- The SME addition applies only if you are a Subject Matter Expert.
2 people, independently
Decline requests to share work because it puts you at risk of being caught cheating.
If your friend gets caught, you are also in trouble.
one person who lived it
Say no to helping someone cheat and ask them not to ask again.
You are not a cheater and will not assist in cheating.
one person who lived it
ask, person, avoid, email44
If saying direct no is difficult initially, use a white lie or excuse such as being too busy or having another engagement.
Politely ask for space by stating you need to focus, while suggesting specific times when you are available to chat.
You are entitled to your own space.
- Do not be mean.
one person who lived it
Wait until you have been at a job for a couple of months before telling jokes, especially edgy ones, maintaining a neutral demeanor in the meantime.
People need to know you are usually nice before they accept your humor.
one person who lived it
Be aware that in some work environments, fixing mistakes without beating yourself up may be perceived as not caring.
One person reported that their employer viewed lack of self-reproach as being a bad employee.
- This reflects one specific workplace dynamic where appearing indifferent was penalized.
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If helping a colleague, act bothered and set a specific delivery time to frame the help as a favor.
It flexes your skill and makes it clear you are doing them a favor.
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If you are in a leadership role, listen to your team and avoid making fun of their concerns.
Making fun of subordinates or ignoring them can lead to a loss of trust.
one person who lived it
Recognize that things likely won't get better until you find a better job.
Your manager's behavior often stems from pressure from their own boss, driven by low margins and high competition.
one person who lived it
BCC your personal email on work-related correspondence to keep a record in case you lose access to your work account.
You may need these records if you are fired and cannot access work email.
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If a coworker asks for help without researching first, state that you are busy and ask them to list the steps they have already taken so you do not repeat their work.
to save time
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If you are unsure you understand a topic in a meeting, say you think you understand but will follow up afterward to be sure.
This allows you to contribute without derailing the meeting.
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Ask management to move your desk or allow remote work to escape the distraction of a chatty coworker.
To get away from the distraction.
one person who lived it
Avoid joking about sensitive topics like weight or appearance with new coworkers.
You likely do not know them well enough to make such comments.
one person who lived it
If saying direct no is difficult initially, use a white lie or excuse such as being too busy or having another engagement.
It helps people pleasers who find it hard to be firm at first.
2 people, independently
If verbal responses feel difficult, use nods and partial bows to signal understanding.
It can make you feel more confident and comfortable.
one person who lived it
Clearly and politely state your reasons for declining repeated offers to end the cycle.
Assuming others can read your mind prolongs the situation; stating your thoughts ends it.
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If you have a legitimate excuse for a major failure, state the reason rather than just apologizing.
It provides necessary context for significant errors, such as being late due to a major accident.
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Focus on learning how to convey your story and knowledge, rather than worrying about a lack of intelligence.
One person realized their lack of conveying their story was holding them back, not their intelligence.
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Test your voicemail by calling yourself periodically to ensure it is working and not full.
Mailboxes can fill up or fail to send notifications without warning.
2 people, independently
In professional support contexts, replace 'will' with 'should' in communications.
it works just as well if the issue is resolved and works better if it is not
one person who lived it
If you are new to a project, ask for advice on the best time to contact clients instead of issuing directives.
Projects quickly build their own subculture, and asking avoids appearing confrontational as the latest entrant.
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Focus on yourself by remembering that you are a person before you are an employee.
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Wear headsets or earbuds to deter coworkers from initiating chat.
Seeing someone wearing a headset should prevent some chit-chat.
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Apologize if a joke causes discomfort, especially as a new employee, to avoid upsetting colleagues.
Being the new person, you want to avoid upsetting people.
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After a phone call or face-to-face meeting, send an email summarizing the agreed-upon details and ask the other party to confirm or correct any inaccuracies.
This creates a record that supports your position if a conflict arises later.
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- Send an email summarizing verbal discussions and action items immediately after meetings to ensure accountability.1
Ask for an assistant to handle administrative tasks delegated incorrectly to you.
It may make the situation more real for the delegator.
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Follow up verbal prioritization discussions with an email summarizing agreed-upon priorities and deadlines.
to create a clear record of what will be delivered first
- emails are also backed up and may not protect you in catastrophic failure
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Do not feel guilty if a coworker cries manipulatively after failing to speak up for themselves; the responsibility lies with them, not you.
No one needs to decipher someone else's needs when they verbally say the opposite.
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Read 'Fierce Conversations' for guidance on work-related difficult talks.
It helped one person with work-related issues but is relevant generally.
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When giving a compliment to someone seeking validation, avoid mentioning the success of others who are not present.
Including absent others can diminish the impact of the compliment for the person receiving it.
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Politely request that the speaker skip the basics and move to advanced parts if you are already familiar with the information.
It helps move the conversation along.
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Avoid saying 'I don't want to be in the middle' when refusing to act as a messenger; instead, simply ask for clarity by requesting that specific people be included.
The phrase 'I don't want to be in the middle' carries negative implications regarding the initial request.
one person who lived it
Avoid apologizing when setting boundaries or refusing unreasonable requests.
Apologizing diminishes your statement and encourages continued inappropriate treatment.
2 people, independently
Refuse further invitations from friends whose families treat you like an unpaid servant.
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Escalate unresolved issues with an unreasonable direct superior to higher management through proper channels, such as skip-level interviews.
Higher-ups may support employees who have tried everything else to solve real issues with their direct superiors.
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Politely ask who has the authority to help rather than using confrontational language when escalating issues.
Treating your interlocutor respectfully may lead them to offer to escalate directly.
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Interpret a colleague's condescending behavior as potential insecurity or a desperate attempt to reintegrate and prove competence, rather than malice.
They may feel inferior or upset about perceived status differences.
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Couch negative statements in caveats and anticipate that anyone, including external parties, might see or forward your internal communications.
Internal email threads have been shared between companies containing trash talk.
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After giving a compliment, avoid explaining your intentions or checking if it is okay; keep the interaction brief rather than engaging in extended conversation.
Extended engagement is more likely to cause worry than the specific words used or the intention behind them.
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Ask the person why they always ask you instead of researching the answer themselves.
A friendly, non-accusatory conversation may reveal more about the situation.
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Simply state that you will no longer buy the item, without offering excuses or hints of future provision.
hinting at future purchases sets you up for unwanted pressure
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Initiate conversations with coworkers to change office dynamics.
They may have remained silent because you had not started the interaction first.
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Act genuinely excited to see coworkers, even if exaggerated, to encourage them to respond in kind.
Positive actions like unique waves or upbeat responses often elicit reciprocal behavior from others.
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Leave detailed messages when contacting decision makers rather than vague ones.
Gatekeepers will frame useful opportunities well for their bosses; vague sales calls are often ignored.
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Defend family time over job loyalty by refusing unreasonable last-minute projects that conflict with personal commitments.
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Maintain composure after a minor public speaking mistake rather than breaking down.
Breaking down draws more negative attention than the error itself, which might otherwise go unnoticed.
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Separate meetings into distinct brainstorming and decision-making phases.
Brainstorming allows ideas to be shared without immediate criticism or focus on downsides.
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Frame requests to remove non-reusable decorations around preventing degradation and an unkempt appearance.
Tattered or dusty items do not convey care for what they represent.
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