Take the photo before you go in
Before a crowded day out: a photo of each child that morning, your number on them, and one sentence they have practised. What holds up.
Built from parents’ experiences of losing sight of a child in a crowd and what they now do before the day, checked against US and UK missing-child guidance, a poison centre on glue, and a tag maker's own words on what its tags are for.
In a crowd, a child can be out of sight in a few seconds. Some people describe it happening to them: in a big shop, at a sports stadium, at a theme park, at a temple, at a flower market. What follows is what parents do before the day, so that if it happens, it ends quickly.
Before a big crowd, take a photo of each child, put your phone number on them, and practise what they will do if they lose you.
Each of those three covers a different moment. The photo is for the people searching. The number is for the adult who finds your child. The practice is for your child, who may freeze or cry when it happens and forget what they know.
The photo, that morning
Many people give this step, and it takes seconds. At the entrance, before you go in, take a sharp picture of every child on their own, from head to feet, in what they are wearing today. If a child goes missing, the people looking need to know what they look like right now. The national centre for missing children in the United States lists a description of the clothing among the first things to give the police. A photo from that morning answers that exactly, and you can show it or send it. A school photo from last year shows a face. It cannot show today’s jacket.
Some people say to pay special attention to the shoes, because someone who takes a child will change their clothes and hair but not their shoes. That story is an urban legend, and one person who passed it on corrected it in the same conversation. Take the full-length photo anyway, because it shows everything they have on.
One objection here is that this is paranoid. The answer given is that it is for the big crowded day, not for a trip to the supermarket; one person draws exactly that line, with theme parks and festivals on one side of it and the grocery shop on the other. Two smaller ideas, one person each: dress children in bright, distinctive colours so they are easier to spot, though that person notes other parents do the same; and dress all your children alike, so they are easy to spot and easy to describe.
Your number, on them
Many parents write their phone number on the child’s skin, usually the arm or the wrist. Others use a temporary tattoo, a waterproof wristband, the inside of a shoe, a tag on a shoelace, or a note in a pocket. Whoever finds your child can then call you in one step, even if your child cannot remember the number or cannot talk for crying.
A few details decide whether it works:
- Your number, not their name. The firm warning attached to this method is to keep your child’s name off anything a stranger can read. Write your own name and number. One person adds that a number on a child’s arm might draw unwanted attention, and some people worry that it makes a child an easier target; the answer implied is that in a crowd, getting separated is the bigger risk.
- The whole number. Put in the area code, because one objection here notes that staff from out of town can be stuck without it. If you are abroad, add the country code.
- A phone that answers. The number only helps if the phone it rings is with you and working.
- Tell them it is there. A stranger may not think to look at a child’s wrist, so teach your child to hold out their arm and show it.
- Make it last. Ink smudges with sweat, water and rubbing, and one objection says marker on a forearm can be gone in under ten minutes. The fixes people use are a clear coat of liquid bandage over the writing, hairspray over washable marker, or a wristband instead. One person says a toddler can pull a wristband off within hours, and another that a temporary tattoo lasts about a week.
The second question below has the rest on skin, including the one product never to use.
What they do if they lose you
Teach this before you go, out loud, and have your child say it back.
In the United States, the Indiana AMBER Alert guidance for parents says a child who loses their parents in a public place should not wander around looking for them. They should go to a checkout counter, the security office or the lost and found, and tell the person in charge that they have lost their parents and need help. That is the simplest version to teach: stop, go to someone who works there, and say you are lost.
Then give them the words. One person teaches the child to ask an adult to call the number. Use your real name in the sentence: “I’m lost. My mum is [your full name]. Please call this number.” One person notes that some children know their parent only as “Mum” or “Dad”. One UK county’s guidance for event organisers is to call out the parent’s name over the speakers, not the child’s, so the name your child can say is the one staff can use.
Beyond that simple version, the parents here argue. What decides it, they say, is your child’s age and the place:
- Stay put. Some parents teach a child to stay exactly where they are, because the parent will come back the way they walked. One person warns that this depends on you retracing your steps, which is hard in a very large or confusing place. One family found their daughter by retracing their steps at a theme park. One person describes a child found at the exact spot their mother had told them to wait.
- Go to a meeting place. Some people agree a spot beforehand, such as a favourite shop, a ride or a checkout. One person says a meeting place fails in a big, unfamiliar park, because a small child who is lost cannot find the way back to it.
- Go to staff. Some parents here send the child to staff or security; one reason given is that theme-park staff have their own systems for exactly this. One person warns that “someone in uniform” can lead a child to a mechanic or a cleaner who cannot help, and another that uniforms differ from place to place. Some people warn that staff can be slow or unhelpful; one parent describes a cashier who refused to help, and another an announcement over the speakers that worked.
- Find a parent with children. The national centre for missing children in the United States tells children not to go to just anyone, and to look for a uniformed police officer, a store clerk with a name tag, or a parent with children. Some parents narrow that to another mother with children, and others to any adult with children or a grandmotherly older woman. Their reason is that she is easier to find than police or security, more likely to stop and help, and, in their judgement, less likely to be a danger. None of them gives a source for that narrower judgement. One objection is that not every woman is safe, and another that fathers look after children too.
One more rule, which one person passes on from a security writer: the child chooses the adult to ask, and is wary of an adult who comes up to them first. The reasoning offered for it, that an adult the child picks at random is very likely to be decent, has no source here either, and the national centre’s advice above is narrower: not just anyone, but one of three kinds of adult.
Whichever plan you choose, choose one and practise it. One person’s point applies to all of them: the plan only works if you do what it says too. If you told your child to wait by the gate, go to the gate.
What you do
Tell staff or security straight away, rather than searching alone. Some people say so, and the person who gave that advice says a frantic parent searching alone can get in the way. The national centre for missing children in the United States says many stores have a lost-child plan called Code Adam, and a plan like that starts only when someone tells a worker. One person suggests finding out the venue’s own procedure before you go. Another describes a large park’s procedure, with radios and exits blocked, that often ends it within minutes. Then the police, as the box at the top of this page says.
If you are with other adults, say out loud who is watching which child. One person warns that in a group of adults, each one assumes another is watching, and the children wander off together.
A tag in their shoe is not a live tracker
Some parents hide a small Bluetooth tag in a shoe or a pocket, and some people call that more reliable than a photo or a memorised number. The correction attached to it matters. A tag like this has no GPS of its own. It is found only when a phone that can hear it is nearby: your own phone, or, for some tags, any passing phone on the maker’s network. So the map shows where the tag was last heard, which may not be where your child is now. One person answers that when you are close, a tag can ring or point you to it at once, while a photo only helps afterwards. Both are true. One of the biggest makers of these tags says in its own words that its tag “was designed to help people locate their personal belongings, not to track people.” A watch or phone that shares its location over the mobile network is a different kind of device, and not covered here.
Who this page is not for
If your child is missing right now, the box at the top is your page, not this one. If your child cannot speak yet, or has a disability that makes a rule or a stranger hard to manage, the photo and the number still help the people looking, but the sentence and the plan assume a child who can use them. What to do instead is not covered here, and this page does not pretend to fill it. And this page is about a child who wanders off in a crowd. If your fear is of someone taking your child, that is a different question, and not covered here.
The day you never need any of this looks the same as any other day, except for a photo on your phone that you delete that night.
Common questions
How do I get a small child to actually remember my number?
People use three tricks. Put the number to a tune — a nursery rhyme or a made-up song. Some parents use songs, and one person says a tune makes the digits stick better than plain repeating. Make it the passcode on a tablet or device your child uses, so they type it every day; some parents do this. (One person adds a caution: do not use your own number as the passcode on your own phone.) And repeat it often, because, one person says, phones have worn away the habit of knowing numbers by heart. One person says to start around age four to seven; another notes that a three-year-old cannot realistically manage a whole number, so for the youngest the number on them is the plan. School may teach it, and it fades: one parent says their ten-year-old had forgotten a number learned in preschool. Two tests matter more than the song. First, can they SAY it, not just type it? One person points out that typing a number from memory and saying it out loud to a stranger under stress are different skills, so test both. Second, can they say it somewhere new, when they are upset? Some people warn that a panicking child may not be able to reach a number they know perfectly at home, which is why the written number on their arm is the backup and not the other way round. A few more details from individual people: teach your full name and address, not only “Mum”; add a second adult’s number; a child may mix up a PIN and a phone number; UK mobile numbers have eleven digits, which is a lot for a small child; and if your number changes, change the song. Learn the family numbers yourself too, one person says, because phones get lost or stolen. One question stays mostly open here: what a child with a number and no phone should do. One person’s answer is to teach them to ask an adult to call it, which is why the sentence to practise ends with “please call this number”.
Is writing on my child’s skin safe, and will it last?
It will last longer if you seal it. Some people paint a thin layer of clear liquid bandage — the kind sold for small cuts — over the marker, so the ink stays visible but does not rub off. It has costs, each from one person: it stings going on, it can itch and peel, and it can dry over the writing and blur it. So try it once at home before the morning you need it. Others use washable marker fixed with hairspray, a temporary tattoo you write on, or a wristband instead. One thing not to use: ordinary super glue from a hardware shop. Some people warn against it, and the National Capital Poison Center in the United States says that as super glue sets it releases heat and can burn skin; it points to a case of a child with a deep burn where nail glue soaked into a cotton shirt. On a child’s arm, next to a cotton sleeve, that is a real risk. Liquid bandage is made to go on skin, which is why people use it instead. One more thing not covered here is what marker ink or liquid bandage does to young or sensitive skin, so if your child’s skin reacts easily, a wristband or a note in a pocket avoids the question.
Should we have a family code word?
People disagree, and the disagreement is not settled. Some people teach a secret family word that any adult who comes to collect the child has to say first. Others use none: one person’s mother never had one, so whatever word a stranger claimed was wrong by definition. One person’s family made theirs a question the child asks the adult. The cautions on both sides are real: a code word can be guessed or overheard, a young child can forget it, and a very young or frightened child may not apply either rule. One person adds that someone dangerous can look like a parent or a member of staff, which is the reason people want a check at all. If you use one, keep it simple enough that your child can use it while crying.
Is a harness or a wrist strap cruel?
Some parents use a harness or wrist strap for very young children, to stop them running into traffic or wandering off, and use them despite the stigma. One person calls it the only safe way for very young children or twins. One objection is that it treats a child like a puppy; the answer given is that safety comes first and that it has to be used properly — with the wrist loop, so it does not injure the child if they run. What decides it, in this disagreement, is the child’s age and whether they can follow an instruction yet. This page does not cover the rules about them in different places.
Questions this step helps with
Same situation, another step
- Replace the helmet that took the hitParenting
What people worked out
Shorter, plainer notes on the same ground — each with the number of people behind it.
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