Mental health
None of this is expert advice. It's what people worked out for themselves, usually the hard way — what actually helped, and what they'd tell someone standing where you are. Take what fits and leave the rest.
If you only read a few
Read 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle to practice staying in the current moment.
You may discover that many of your issues are not real.
some people found it on their own
- Read 'The Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle to help with overthinking and focusing on the present.3
- Read 'The Power of Now' for a comforting perspective on mindfulness.3
Measure your progress by comparing yourself to your previous self, not to others.
Comparing yourself with other people leads to suffering.
- Comparing yourself to your past self also brought some into extremely deep depression.
some people found it on their own
- Stop comparing yourself to others and focus solely on doing your very best.4
- Measure yourself only against your former self, as no one else has lived your exact path.6
- Measure your progress only against your past self from yesterday or last year.10
- Compare your progress only to your past self rather than to other people.10
- Avoid measuring your worth against the accomplishments of others.4
- Work out your progress against your own targets rather than others' goals.3
- Remind yourself that comparing your work, life, or body to others only serves to steal your joy.6
- Accept yourself and stop comparing your weaknesses to others' strengths.3
- Cease measuring yourself against others; instead, measure only against your past self.3
- Do not compare your early stages with someone else's later stages.4
- Tune out other people's opinions and stop comparing yourself to them; focus instead on what makes you happy.3
- Stop comparing yourself to others, start forgiving yourself, and look forward rather than backward.3
Stop concerning yourself with things outside your control.
This brings true peace.
some people found it on their own
- Accept imperfection, uncertainty, and things you cannot control to find peace.4
- If something is outside your control, do not worry about it; if it is inside your control, do not worry about it but do something.3
Build up your self-confidence.
People tend to treat you based on how you view and feel about yourself.
some people found it on their own
Read books by people who solved similar problems in the past.
It can help you find solutions and become smarter.
some people found it on their own
thoughts, negative, practice, overthinking39
Observe unwanted thoughts without reacting or acting on them, treating them as passing events.
Read 'Man's Search for Meaning' by Viktor Frankl to find purpose and perspective during suffering or trauma.
It puts life into perspective, showing that meaning can be found even in hardship, which makes other excuses feel thin.
some people found it on their own
Read 'The Body Keeps the Score' by Bessel van der Kolk.
One person reported this book changed their life.
some people found it on their own
Try mindfulness to stay in the now rather than worrying about what came before or what might come next.
It is difficult to fret about the future or dwell on the past when you are focused on the present.
some people found it on their own
Move your body or exercise to interrupt cycles of overthinking.
Physical activity can force the brain to pay attention to its environment or demands full focus, which helps switch modes and stop the loop. One person found that a 10-minute walk stopped their overthinking loops.
some people found it on their own
- Tell yourself 'Stop', sometimes out loud, when you catch yourself overthinking, then immediately focus back on what you were doing.3
27 more on this
Use a gratitude journal or similar practice to focus on positive aspects of your day.
This helps build neural pathways for positive reflection.
some people found it on their own
Walk outside each morning to catch sunlight and secure quiet time before starting other tasks.
This improved mental health.
some people found it on their own
Observe negative thoughts without pushing them away, recognizing that you are the observer, not the thought itself.
Pushing thoughts away makes them return stronger; observing them acknowledges their transient nature.
some people found it on their own
- Observe unwanted thoughts without reacting or acting on them, treating them as passing events.19
Close your eyes and observe your thoughts coming and going like waves without judgment.
some people found it on their own
- Pay attention to your breathing without criticizing it. If your mind wanders, acknowledge it and gently return your focus.16
Counter every negative thought or statement about yourself with two positive ones.
Changing how you talk about yourself changes how you feel about yourself.
some people found it on their own
- Stop the cycle of negative self-talk by concentrating solely on areas you can improve and disregarding the rest.3
Journal your thoughts and feelings.
It helps with self-soothing, seeing progress, retaining focus, and gaining clarity on emotions.
some people found it on their own
Spend time alone with no distractions and no people, just with your thoughts.
some people found it on their own
Be aware of negative self-thoughts and do not let them rule you.
some people found it on their own
- Whenever you feel the urge to complain or have a negative thought, pivot your thinking process toward positives.8
- Challenge negative inner dialogue by questioning its validity.3
Explore Stoicism and Buddhism to see what resonates with you.
- One person recommended this.
some people found it on their own
Read 'CPTSD: From Surviving to Thriving' by Pete Walker if you have complex trauma.
some people found it on their own
Read 'The Happiness Hypothesis' by Jonathan Haidt.
It applies ancient wisdom and modern studies to bolster conclusions.
some people found it on their own
Handle stressful moments by breathing slowly: inhale for 6 seconds, exhale for 6 seconds.
some people found it on their own
- Practice meditation and deep breathing when you feel yourself freaking out.3
Begin meditation if possible.
It is extremely potent and will benefit you greatly.
some people found it on their own
Read 'Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy' to learn how to perform cognitive behavioral therapy on yourself.
- It primarily focuses on healing from childhood trauma and may not be as helpful for PTSD resulting from adult events.
some people found it on their own
Begin with short daily meditation sessions to settle your thoughts.
some people found it on their own
Reframe negative 'what ifs' into positive ones, such as asking 'what if it goes well?'
some people found it on their own
Cease mental rumination; look for solutions through quiet, patience, and clarity.
Thinking harder rarely fixes issues, and overthinking offers false progress like candy.
some people found it on their own
Focus your mental and physical energy on things you can control and do freely for yourself.
some people found it on their own
Keep a journal about your feelings, current struggles, issues, and their perceived origins.
some people found it on their own
Consider exploring Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) and mindfulness practices.
some people found it on their own
- Practice Cognitive Behavior Therapy techniques to pause, understand the origin of your thoughts, and detach from them.3
Begin with small actions that bring happiness, like walking outdoors, interacting with animals, meditating, writing in a journal, or practicing yoga.
some people found it on their own
Practice loving kindness (metta) meditations to cultivate self-compassion.
some people found it on their own
Practice mindfulness to refocus your attention from negatives to positives, learning to notice and make life's positives stand out.
some people found it on their own
Challenge negative thoughts by determining if they stem from assumptions, feelings, or facts, and identifying supporting evidence.
some people found it on their own
Access free self-compassion exercises from Dr. Kristin Neff's website.
some people found it on their own
Interrupt the thought process as soon as you identify it as overthinking.
some people found it on their own
Reconnect with the present through physical grounding activities such as stretching, walking, or touching something real.
some people found it on their own
comparing, only, against, social13
Understand that social media presents a curated highlight reel rather than an accurate picture of reality.
Remind yourself that you do not know another person's whole life, including their failures and struggles, even if they appear successful.
No one truly knows what is going on in others' lives.
some people found it on their own
- Remember that you are seeing only the highlight reel of others' lives, not their hidden struggles.3
Avoid comparing your messy reality to others' curated posts, as people only share what they want others to perceive.
People hide their problems and post only the good stuff to manage perception.
some people found it on their own
- Understand that social media presents a curated highlight reel rather than an accurate picture of reality.7
Stop using social media to avoid lowering your self-esteem by comparing yourself to curated highlights.
Social media displays heavily curated reels that can make you feel worse and lower your self-esteem.
some people found it on their own
- Restrict social media usage or pause it if it worsens comparative feelings.5
Look into your neighbor's situation only to ensure they have enough, not to check if you have as much as they do.
some people found it on their own
6 more on this
Focus on personal growth and your own objectives instead of pushing for connections with women.
Women may detect insincerity; working on yourself can draw them in naturally.
some people found it on their own
When comparing yourself to others, deliberately identify one positive quality in them and commit to developing that same trait.
- Forgive yourself if you fail.
some people found it on their own
Compare yourself only to who you were yesterday.
Others have different advantages and disadvantages, making comparison unjustified unless experiences are identical; pattern recognition, not comparison, shows if someone is enough.
some people found it on their own
Do not compare your internal struggles to other people's external appearances.
some people found it on their own
Stay off social media and avoid comparing yourself to others.
It helps reduce pressure and comparison, and definitely can't hurt.
some people found it on their own
Stop comparing your journey to others' benchmarks, acknowledging that everyone learns at different speeds.
some people found it on their own
outside, joy, happiness, focus7
Determine what brings you joy and pursue it vigorously for your own sake.
Focus on enjoying the process of working toward goals, not just the final result.
You spend most of your time in the effort phase; linking happiness only to success can cause distress when targets are met.
some people found it on their own
- Focus on the work itself instead of obsessing over the final result.3
Recognize that you are the primary source of your own happiness.
While external events influence mood, they cannot be trusted as the sole origin of contentment; it is an internal responsibility.
- Events and things will influence happiness, but cannot be its sole source.
some people found it on their own
Avoid expecting new items or gadgets to fix your unhappiness.
Material purchases might offer short-term pleasure but usually fail to create enduring joy; self-acceptance is key.
some people found it on their own
Stop stressing over things outside your control, such as others' reactions, and focus exclusively on controlling your own thoughts, actions, and feelings.
Fixing your life is in your hands; you cannot control everyone else's emotions or responses.
some people found it on their own
2 more on this
Do not base your happiness on having a partner; focus on other sources of joy.
some people found it on their own
Determine what brings you joy and pursue it vigorously for your own sake.
some people found it on their own
friend, else, treat, mirror33
Read 'The Six Pillars of Self Esteem' by Nathaniel Branden.
Remind yourself that nobody is coming to save you and that playing the victim gets you nowhere; you must take charge and show up for yourself to become the person you wish to be.
No one else cares enough to save you.
some people found it on their own
Gradually reduce how much you care about others' opinions of you.
It can feel like freedom.
some people found it on their own
- Realize that only your own approval matters, not the approval of others.6
Consider what you would tell a friend facing similar past errors, and direct those same words to yourself.
Show yourself the compassion you would show a loved one instead of being critical.
some people found it on their own
- Be as kind to yourself as you would be to a close friend.3
- Practice self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and forgiveness you would offer a friend in your situation.7
Read 'The Six Pillars of Self Esteem' by Nathaniel Branden.
It lays out many specifics for building self-esteem.
some people found it on their own
19 more on this
Learn to love yourself before expecting anyone else to love you.
some people found it on their own
- Treat yourself with the same care you would give a child or pet, rather than neglecting your own needs.5
Speak to yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend; avoid internal language that would be hurtful if directed at someone else.
Since we are our own constant companions, treating ourselves with friendship is helpful.
- One person reported using self-shaming to prevent letting themselves go.
some people found it on their own
Adopt the mindset that you are neither better nor worse than anyone else.
some people found it on their own
Choose wisely the five people you surround yourself with the most, as you are the average of them.
some people found it on their own
Work on internal self-validation so you do not depend on others to meet your sense of worthiness.
some people found it on their own
- Cultivate confidence by feeling whole and satisfied right now without needing external validation, rather than seeking approval from others.3
Place a mirror behind your workstation so approaching customers see their own reflection, which may help them calm down.
Seeing oneself in an unflattering light or realizing one is behaving irrationally can de-escalate anger.
- Some users report that mirrors do not phase angry customers at all.
- It does not stop patrons from being nasty.
some people found it on their own
Stop measuring your worth based on how others might perceive you.
some people found it on their own
- Keep in mind that others are not focusing on you as intensely as you assume, and you are less central than you feel.7
- Appreciate your current self instead of attempting to become someone else.3
- Focus on your mental well-being over concerns about other people's opinions.3
Show yourself compassion by acknowledging that your past actions seemed best at the time, despite current knowledge.
One user reports this perspective increases self-compassion.
some people found it on their own
- Cultivate daily self-compassion by looking in a mirror and affirming that you care for yourself.3
Reflect on why you act the way you do to understand the root causes of your behavior.
some people found it on their own
Set a routine of working out, sleeping well, skincare, and healthy eating to improve appearance and confidence.
- Some report feeling like giving up if they do this and still don't feel better.
- Being in looksmaxxing redpill communities doesn't help.
some people found it on their own
Modify your own actions rather than hoping others alter how they treat you.
some people found it on their own
Be conscious of your individuality and appreciate the traits that make you unique.
some people found it on their own
- Write down positive qualities about yourself and consistently remind yourself of them.8
Focus on your positive traits rather than engaging in negative self-talk.
some people found it on their own
Avoid internalizing thoughts you would never share with your closest friend.
some people found it on their own
Face the mirror upon waking and before sleep each day. Declare that you are worthy, loved, and that you love yourself.
some people found it on their own
Before judging yourself harshly, consider whether you would accept that same tone if directed at a close friend or family member.
some people found it on their own
Pretend to be confident by holding your head up high, keeping your back straight, puffing your chest out, and walking with a strut.
some people found it on their own
Focus on developing deep connections, self-improvement, and physical well-being.
some people found it on their own
List your preferences, aversions, interests, hobbies, aspirations, dreams, strengths, weaknesses, fears, insecurities, and issues to gain a broad understanding of your identity.
some people found it on their own
past, accept, cannot, future23
Forgive your past self by acknowledging that you did the best you could with the limited information and weaknesses you had at the time.
Channel regret into immediate action and concentrate on fully inhabiting the present.
The pain may fade as you become occupied with living; regret indicates personal growth and change.
some people found it on their own
- Stop dwelling on the past and take immediate action, recognizing that regret itself wastes time that could be used for progress.12
View periods of inactivity as essential formative experiences rather than lost opportunities.
You completed the necessary steps to reach your current state; lacking those lessons, you would lack present-day insight and gratitude.
some people found it on their own
Accept your past errors and grant yourself permission to proceed.
It enables you to acknowledge mistakes and continue moving ahead.
some people found it on their own
Accept that life involves grey areas where contradictory truths can exist simultaneously.
Few situations are strictly black and white.
some people found it on their own
11 more on this
Stop looking back at past regrets and start looking forward.
some people found it on their own
- Stop looking back at past failures and focus entirely on building the best possible future.8
Focus exclusively on the present moment, acknowledging that the past cannot be changed and the future is uncertain.
The past leads to regret and the future to anxiety; only the present is under your control.
some people found it on their own
Accept that the past cannot be changed, learn from it, and forgive yourself by separating your current self from the person you were then.
some people found it on their own
- Forgive your past self by acknowledging that you did the best you could with the limited information and weaknesses you had at the time.18
- Separate fault from responsibility: acknowledge that past events may not be your fault, but dealing with them is your responsibility.4
Imagine you are already dead and have lived your life; use the time remaining to live it properly.
some people found it on their own
Cultivate the peace to accept what is unchangeable, the bravery to alter what you can control, and the insight to distinguish between the two.
some people found it on their own
- Accept what happened instead of resisting it, accepting what you cannot control and changing what you can.8
- Recite the Serenity Prayer to cultivate acceptance of what you cannot change, courage to change what you can, and wisdom to know the difference.3
Use your fears as a compass by doing the things you are afraid to do.
some people found it on their own
- Accept uncertainty and proceed anyway, understanding that bravery means acting despite fear.5
Acknowledge your regrets and use them as motivation to improve, instead of ruminating on them.
Ruminating on regrets may lead to repeating past mistakes.
some people found it on their own
Cease self-criticism over errors; use them as lessons for future actions.
some people found it on their own
Stop aiming for perfection, but keep striving to improve.
some people found it on their own
Accept challenges instead of feeling irritated, seeing them as chances to improve your skills.
some people found it on their own
- Cultivate flexibility and adaptability when confronting hardship.3
Take deep breaths, practice self-compassion, and proceed through each day sequentially.
some people found it on their own
three, present, activities, specific27
Keep a journal recording items for which you feel thankful.
Keep a daily log of three things you are grateful for.
It helps shift mindset.
some people found it on their own
- List three items or people you appreciate each morning.3
- Before sleeping each night, list three things you are thankful for.4
- Keep a journal recording items for which you feel thankful.28
Find joy in the process of working toward a goal, not just in reaching it.
some people found it on their own
Keep a spare jar and jot down positive events as they occur during the year. On New Year's Eve, dump the contents out to look back on the good moments.
- This can feel tedious.
- You might forget about it until New Year's Eve and find the jar empty.
some people found it on their own
Foster acceptance and contentment by staying present and valuing what you currently possess.
- Based on one person's experience achieving these goals.
some people found it on their own
- Cultivate gratitude and discover happiness in your present circumstances.4
15 more on this
Connect with a group of people who share your interests.
This connection aids in achieving your objectives.
some people found it on their own
Journal daily to stay present and remember your life as it happens.
Journaling helps stay present, actually remember life as it's happening, and feels like stitching the brain back together.
some people found it on their own
Slow down and count sensory details in the present moment, noting what you smell, hear, and see.
some people found it on their own
Identify three distinct specific things you appreciate each day.
- It can be hard to start and stick with.
some people found it on their own
Periodically reread old journal entries to see past thoughts from a new angle and recognize how you have grown.
some people found it on their own
Analyze your progress over longer periods, such as months or years, rather than just the previous day.
some people found it on their own
Focus on a single change at once and stick with it until that specific objective is met.
some people found it on their own
Look for something meaningful in your activities rather than just filling time.
some people found it on their own
- Seek satisfaction in pursuits or causes that exceed your personal identity or material wealth.3
Enjoy the process of activities like exercise rather than focusing solely on the end result.
some people found it on their own
Periodically acknowledge the significant progress you have made.
some people found it on their own
- Show gratitude to yourself for your accomplishments and perseverance.3
Boost self-worth through minor everyday activities that generate satisfaction.
some people found it on their own
- Cherish small successes and treasure every improvement you make.3
Stop obsessing over fixing negatives and remember the positives in your life.
some people found it on their own
- Focus on your forward trajectory over your current position.3
Develop self-control by regularly postponing rewards and selecting difficult tasks.
some people found it on their own
Concentrate on immediate, practical tasks instead of abstract philosophical dilemmas.
some people found it on their own
Establish specific targets that include a definite method for recognizing when they have been met.
some people found it on their own
Accept that sexual attraction is a normal biological instinct and avoid excessive shame.
Shame can make the situation worse, and these thoughts are a natural human response.
some people found it on their own
Remind yourself that negativity bias is an evolutionary survival mechanism, not a personal flaw.
It is a normal primal instinct designed to keep you alive by preventing risk; you are not broken.
some people found it on their own
Accept negative emotions, feel them, call attention to them, and let them pass.
some people found it on their own
Distinguish between guilt (doing something bad) and shame (being something bad).
some people found it on their own
therapist, therapy, consider, people22
Get used to feeling uncomfortable as part of growing as a person.
some people found it on their own
Begin now, accepting that this is the second-best moment to start.
some people found it on their own
Keep in mind that although planting a tree years ago was ideal, doing it today is the next best option.
some people found it on their own
View disrespect of your boundaries as a warning sign and consider removing those people from your life.
some people found it on their own
16 more on this
Travel to a different part of the world to explore and meet new people.
some people found it on their own
If your first therapist was not a good fit, try finding another one.
some people found it on their own
Consider seeing a therapist to work through deeper problems.
One person found that professional help was genuinely useful.
some people found it on their own
Locate a therapist who will provide guidance and hear you out.
some people found it on their own
Seek access to a counselor or therapist to properly process your trauma.
some people found it on their own
- Seek therapy and practice self-compassion and understanding.3
List the things that make you unhappy, identify which ones you can control, and try to change them.
some people found it on their own
Go to the gym to build muscle, utilizing the advantage that shorter people often 'fill out' faster.
some people found it on their own
Recognize that women are people with their own struggles and needs, not a monolithic group defined by negative stereotypes.
some people found it on their own
Accept that satisfying every person constantly is impossible.
some people found it on their own
If you are a university student, check if your university offers free counseling services.
- Only applies if you are a university student.
some people found it on their own
Address self-worth and esteem issues with professional therapy.
some people found it on their own
- Consider therapy to find recommendations tailored to your specific circumstances.3
Accept that your current emotions are temporary and will eventually change.
some people found it on their own
Do not make permanent decisions based on temporary feelings.
some people found it on their own
Participate in enjoyable physical pursuits such as cycling, climbing rocks, or swimming.
some people found it on their own
Join a low-key group or class related to your interests so conversations happen naturally instead of forced.
some people found it on their own
Initiate low-stakes conversations with strangers, such as complimenting elderly shoppers or asking checkout employees about their day.
some people found it on their own