Ask whether you forgot or you are afraid

You are already on the train, or already in bed, and the question lands: did I lock the door? Is the stove off? You go looking for the memory and it is not there. Many people say that is how it works: locking up happens on autopilot, so today’s lock leaves no memory that stands apart from all the others.

If you cannot remember whether you locked up, mark the moment once so there is something to remember; but if fear is what drives the checking, photos and re-checks can feed it, and a therapist can treat it.

This page is mostly for the doubt that is about forgetting. If yours arrives as a picture of something terrible and the checking is taking over your day, go to the section on fear before you try any trick, because some of the tricks can backfire there.

Two kinds of doubt

Some people draw a line between a habit and a compulsion. One person says a helpful memory trick is a different thing from clinical OCD, which involves intrusive thoughts and repeated checking driven by fear, a break-in for example, rather than by forgetting. Another says they are naturally habitual, and that after a dark stretch their routines came back without the fear that had driven them.

The health bodies describe the condition the same way. The NHS says OCD is a condition with obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviours, and its own example is a fear of burglary that leads someone to check the doors and windows several times before they can leave the house. NIMH, the US National Institute of Mental Health, says OCD symptoms are often time-consuming and can cause significant distress or interfere with daily life. The International OCD Foundation says compulsions give only temporary relief, and that people with OCD know it.

From those descriptions, three questions are worth noticing, and worth telling a doctor about. Does the doubt come with a fear that something terrible will happen? Does the checking take up a lot of time? Does the relief wear off and send you back? This page cannot tell you which doubt you have, and some people warn against trying to diagnose yourself. A doctor or a psychologist can.

If you forgot: mark the moment

Many people suggest the same fix, which is to make today’s lock different from the others while you do it, so that later there is something to find. These are the ways they give.

• Say it aloud as you do it. Many people say speaking the action at the moment makes a stronger memory than doing it silently. One person says to state exactly what you did, such as I locked the door. Another uses a ridiculous phrase. Some people tie it to a song, or to a number that changes, such as holding up as many fingers as the day of the week.
• Do one odd thing straight after. Many people suggest a small action that stands out, such as flipping your keys, tapping your nose or a short dance. One person who suggested this added that the action has to be different each time, or it turns into one more thing done without attention. One person says using your other hand does the same job.
• Look at it for one more moment. One person says an extra look lets you picture it later.
• Point and name it. One person points at the oven and says the oven is off, and says it is not foolproof, since the doubt can come back as whether that was today or another day. One person says train conductors use pointing routines like this on purpose, to make themselves pay attention.
• Let a machine hold it. Some people suggest automatic locks and remote garage openers, so there is nothing to check in your head. What they cost is not covered here.
• Have someone watch. One person suggests having another person see you lock the door.
• Use a checklist. Some people say a checklist, like the ones pilots use, is a practical safeguard for people without an anxiety condition, and that it does not touch the anxiety itself.
• Take a photo or a short video. Many people do this and look at it later. Many people also warn against it for some readers, which is the next section.

Some people point out the limits. They say the odd action can bring its own doubt, such as whether you really did flip the keys, and one person says the trick stopped working after a while because it turned into routine. Saying things aloud in a public toilet can feel awkward; some people make a noise instead of a sentence, though they say neighbours may still find it odd.

For this kind of doubt, one person suggests asking what the worst result of a mistake would really be. They say it is usually small, and that when it is small you can let it go. Some people also point out that ignoring a doubt carries some chance that the door was left unlocked, which is why this page does not tell anyone to ignore it. The marked moment is the check. You did it once, with attention, and the mark is your record.

If the doubt is a fear

Many people warn that photos and spoken cues can feed OCD. Their point is that the worry moves from the door to whether the photo is the right one, so the proof becomes the next thing to doubt. Some people say from experience that the relief from a photo fades fast. One person says checking can grow from once, to twice, to photos, to several photos, as each reassurance loses its power. Some people say that for OCD the aim is to accept the uncertainty, maybe I did not lock it, rather than to get to a hundred percent sure.

That matches what the health bodies say. The International OCD Foundation says compulsions bring only a temporary solution, and the NHS says the main talking treatment is cognitive behavioural therapy, which asks you to face your fears and obsessive thoughts without putting them right through compulsions. The Foundation describes exposure and response prevention, usually called ERP, as a specific type of that therapy. The Foundation says it is done in a structured, supportive environment; how to do it on your own is not covered here.

What the health bodies say about getting help:

• In the UK, the NHS says you can see your GP or refer yourself directly to an NHS talking therapies service. For mild OCD it says to expect about 8 to 20 sessions with a therapist, with exercises to do at home in between, and more for severe cases. It says the treatment may be hard work, and that when you face your obsessions the anxiety eventually improves or goes away.
• In the US, NIMH says treatments exist that help people manage their symptoms and take part in daily life. The International OCD Foundation lists OCD therapists on its website, and a doctor can be the first step.
• Medicine is the other main treatment the NHS names, a type of antidepressant that can take up to 12 weeks to work. Whether it suits you is a doctor’s decision. One person says medicine together with therapy helped them manage it, while days of poor sleep stayed hard.
• Some people warn that ordinary talk therapy that digs for the root cause may not help with OCD, and say to ask a therapist whether they work with ERP.
• One person says even a low chance of a disorder is worth a doctor’s visit, and names a school counsellor, a community agency or a primary care doctor as places to start. If you are still at school, the school counsellor is on that list.
• OCD-UK, a charity run by people who have lived with OCD, offers advice and free online support groups. It says it cannot offer therapy or crisis support.

Who this page is not for

If checking is taking a large part of your day, or the fear behind it is hard to bear, the memory tricks are not the tool. Take it to a doctor; the section on the two kinds of doubt is about telling them apart, not about treating the second one yourself. Some people say self-help books and tips are not a cure and may not be enough for severe cases.

If you want a diagnosis, this page cannot give one.

If the doubt is about something with real stakes, such as a medicine you must not mix up, a check is part of doing it properly. One person says the problem is not the check that guards against something serious but checking everything four times. For those moments, do the check once, with attention, and mark it. If nearly everything starts to feel that high-stakes, that is worth telling a doctor.

And if the distress turns to thoughts of ending your life, call or text 988 in the US, or call Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK. If you are in danger right now, call 911 or 999.