Leave a list your family can find

Some day a person in grief will have to close your accounts, find your papers and decide where to begin. Some people say that when nothing is written down, the family spends months on detective work through mail and records, often while grieving.

This page is for someone planning ahead, including someone who owns very little. If you are dealing with a death now, there is a short note near the end.

Write one list of your accounts and where your important papers are, and tell one person where it is, even if you own very little.

It is not only for people with money

One person argues that planning only matters if you have assets. Some people answer that the tasks do not depend on money: someone has to close the accounts, cancel the services and deal with the body and the paperwork, whatever the estate is worth, and a list saves hours of digging through mail. Some people say the basic steps, a list of accounts, a named person and a note of your wishes, cost nothing.

In the US, the Federal Trade Commission says a dead person’s debts do not disappear but are paid from the estate, and that family members usually do not have to pay them from their own money. An exception is a loan you co-signed with them. In some states a surviving spouse can also be responsible for certain debts, so ask a lawyer or a legal aid service about your own case.

What goes on the list

Many people say to keep the important papers in one clearly labelled place, such as a binder, a safe or a file cabinet, rather than scattered around the house. Some people say a letter or binder with account details and your instructions gives the family real guidance and some comfort in the first days.

One person suggests pulling a recent credit report to find accounts you may have forgotten, such as a store card that carries a balance. One person says specific steps, such as choosing an urn ahead and giving the mortuary’s contact details, make things much simpler for survivors. One person says funeral preferences, such as burial or cremation, need writing down, since they slip away in the stress of grief, and another says family members feel stress and guilt when they are left guessing at medical and funeral wishes that were never written down.

One person says families struggle to find hidden valuables or to understand instructions left behind. Some people say that sorting through your things, and noting which ones matter to you, before you die spares heirs a great deal of work.

Passwords and digital access

Many people say to give your spouse or next of kin a way into your digital life: phone, email, password manager. Losing access, they say, causes delays and stress while someone is grieving. How to do it is where people differ, and the main ways are set out side by side on this page. Others add to them. One person suggests giving account numbers but not logins, so the survivor goes through each company’s own recovery process. One person says to make sure the survivor can reach your main email account, which lets them reset the others. One person says to tell your spouse or heir the passwords directly and rely on trust. One person prefers to keep some accounts private even from a spouse.

One person, a probate court worker, warns that logging into a dead person’s accounts without the right legal standing is legally risky, and that the probate process exists for this. In the US, the FTC says the executor, the person named in the will, is the one who settles the debts, and that when there is no will a court may appoint an administrator. That is part of why the list matters: it tells that person which companies to contact.

Other cautions from people. Some people warn that a written list is a target if it is stolen, and that it goes out of date whenever you change a password. One person warns that a password manager fails too if the master password or recovery key is lost. Some people say recovery keys for cryptocurrency are critical and easily forgotten, one person warns that keys kept on paper cannot be recovered if stolen, and another says not to share a recovery phrase with anyone, a spouse included, unless using a specific hardware setup; this page does not cover how to do that. One person says to reserve password sharing for a trusted spouse or partner, not for casual partners. One person points out that trust can change over time.

The legal papers

A will

One person says dying without one leads to disputes among relatives and administrative chaos, and that having one simplifies things. In England and Wales, the UK government says that if you die without a will the law decides who gets what, and that a will must be in writing and signed by you in front of two witnesses who are both over 18 and who sign the same document. It says you cannot leave your witnesses, or their married partners, anything in the will. Scotland and Northern Ireland have different rules. In the US, one person points out, document names and rules vary by state. One person says a printed living will that is not properly signed and executed is useless, and another warns that old wills often name people or guardians who no longer apply after a divorce, a move or another change.

Beneficiary forms

Some people suggest adding a pay-on-death or transfer-on-death beneficiary to bank and investment accounts so the money reaches survivors faster, without probate. About brokerage accounts, FINRA says that a transfer-on-death designation controls who inherits and supersedes a will or trust, and that you keep control of the account while you are alive. Its example is a will that divides assets between two children while the designation names only one: that child receives all of it. So the will and the forms should agree. One person points out that a beneficiary receives the money only after your death, with no control of the account before it.

A power of attorney

Many people say a durable power of attorney and a medical directive must be set up before a crisis, because they cannot easily be made once someone has lost capacity. Some people say a standard power of attorney stops working if you become mentally unable to manage your affairs, and that you should look for a durable or lasting one. In England and Wales, the UK government says a lasting power of attorney requires you to have mental capacity when you make it, that it must be registered with the Office of the Public Guardian, and that a health and welfare one can only be used when you cannot make your own decisions. One person says the person you name should go to the bank with you so the form is on file, because banks may refuse it later, and another says each bank and government department must be given the form separately. One person points out that a power of attorney ends at death, after which the will and the executor are what count.

A medical directive

The US National Institute on Aging says the two common kinds are a living will, which says which treatments you do and do not want, and a durable power of attorney for health care, which names someone to decide for you if you cannot. It suggests keeping the form somewhere safe, giving copies to the person you name and to your health care provider, and talking it over with your doctor. The NHS says an advance decision to refuse life-sustaining treatment must be written down, signed by you and a witness, and state clearly that it applies even if your life is at risk, and that family, carers and health professionals should know where to find it (England). Ask your doctor which form your state uses for a do-not-resuscitate order, and keep copies where the people who would need them can find them.

People’s wishes about end-of-life care differ, and this page does not settle them. Spouses’ wishes can differ, which is a reason for each of you to write your own down. The paper should hold yours.

Talking about it

Some people say to talk openly, uncomfortable as it is, about what you want at the end of life, what you want for the funeral, and where the money stands, so the family knows what to expect and does not have to guess. When someone says it is rude to talk about death and money, some people answer that silence causes more resentment and chaos later. One person says talking casually over a long time reduces anxiety and spares everyone one high-stakes talk.

Who this page is not for

If someone has just died and you are dealing with it now, this page is the view from before. The FTC says the person named in the will as executor, or an administrator a court appoints if there is no will, is the one who settles the estate; the cards at the foot of this page are places to ask.

If you have a business, foreign assets or a large estate, you need a lawyer. This page is the first sheet of paper, not the plan.

If there is no one you trust to hold the list, or you cannot share this with the person you live with, this page does not cover what to do. It does not cover long-term care costs or how a family settles a disagreement about care either.

Outside the US and the UK, the rules differ and this page does not cover them.