Relationships
Small steps that worked for real people, on relationships.
The sky over Relationships · 160 small steps
- "Calm down" can pour fuel on the fire
- “Commentary, or just a listening ear?”
- Don't compliment the shrinking
- Fear of alone makes a poor compass
- Make it getting-ready, not getting-cleaned
- Growing apart needs no villain
- They're having a hard time, not giving you one
- If this sounds like autism or ADHD, an assessment is a fair question
- You're allowed to keep talking about the person you left
- Leave the laugh alone
- Let them drag you out — and keep one hard no
- Love answers a different question
It sounds heavy. We’re here.
In the US
In the UK · Samaritans
Worried about someone else? What helps →
In the US · National Domestic Violence Hotline
Call 1-800-799-7233Text START to 88788
In the UK · National Domestic Abuse Helpline (Refuge)
For men in the UK · Men’s Advice Line Lines open Monday to Friday, 10am to 5pm
Outside those hours: Samaritans will listen any time, on 116 123.
Need somewhere safe to sleep tonight? What to do, step by step →
More lines: Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland
In Scotland, Wales or Northern Ireland · your nation’s own 24-hour line
Scotland: 0800 027 1234Wales: 0808 80 10 800Northern Ireland (18+): 0808 802 1414
In the US · Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline
Call 1-800-422-4453Text GO to 1-800-422-4453
In the UK · Childline
An adult worried about a child? Childhelp takes those calls too. In the UK: NSPCC, 0808 800 5000, 10am to 4pm, Monday to Friday.
Under 18 and told to leave home, or not safe there? What to do, step by step →
More: Childline’s online chat
Can’t talk out loud? Childline’s 1-2-1 chat → You make a free account first (no email needed).
It was not your fault.
In the US · RAINN — National Sexual Assault Hotline
Call 1-800-656-4673Text HOPE to 64673
In England and Wales · Rape Crisis (16+)
18 or under in the UK? Childline, any time: 0800 1111.
More lines: Scotland, Wales, Northern Ireland
In Scotland · Rape Crisis Scotland (13+) Lines open every day, 5pm to midnight
Call 08088 01 03 02Text 07537 410 027
Outside those hours: Samaritans will listen any time, on 116 123.
In Wales or Northern Ireland · 24-hour lines that cover sexual violence
Followed, watched or harassed? What to do, step by step →
In the US · VictimConnect Resource Center
Call 1-855-484-2846Text 1-855-484-2846
In the UK · National Stalking Helpline (Suzy Lamplugh Trust) Lines open Monday and Wednesday, 9:30am to 8pm. Tuesday, Thursday and Friday, 9:30am to 4pm
Outside those hours: Samaritans will listen any time, on 116 123.
Someone sharing, or threatening to share, intimate images of you?
StopNCII.org (18+): help stop them being shared online →
In the UK · Revenge Porn Helpline (18+) Lines open Monday to Friday, 10am to 4pm, excluding bank holidays
Outside those hours: Samaritans will listen any time, on 116 123.
Under 18 in the images? In the UK, Childline can help you get them removed (Report Remove): 0800 1111. In the US, NCMEC can point you to Take It Down, any time: 1-800-843-5678.
Forced or tricked into work or sex?
In the US · National Human Trafficking Hotline
Call 1-888-373-7888Text 233733
In the UK · Modern Slavery & Exploitation Helpline (Unseen) Lines open 8am to 6pm, Monday to Sunday (reduced hours until further notice)
Outside those hours: Samaritans will listen any time, on 116 123.
An older person being hurt, neglected or exploited?
In the UK · Hourglass (older people and abuse)
Call 0808 808 8141Free text 078 6005 2906
If any of this is about you: call 988 in the US or Samaritans on 116 123 in the UK. In danger: 911 / 999. Someone to talk to →
Afraid of someone at home? Domestic abuse lines → Worried someone checks this device? Browse more privately →
About a child? Childline 0800 1111 in the UK, Childhelp 1-800-422-4453 in the US.
Sexual assault: RAINN 1-800-656-4673 in the US, Rape Crisis 0808 500 2222 in England and Wales.
In danger now: 911 in the US, 999 in the UK.
A teen or young adult in the US? Love Is Respect, any time: 1-866-331-9474, or text LOVEIS to 22522.
18 or under in the UK? Childline, any time: 0800 1111.
If you’re over 18: domestic abuse lines →
Worried someone checks this device? How to browse more privately →
Someone to talk to, and more →
Thinking of ending your life, or in danger? 988 (US) · Samaritans 116 123 (UK) · 911 / 999
Or browse another area:
- relationshipsLet your child say no to a hug, and teach them which secrets to tellUse real names for body parts, let a child refuse a hug, and teach: a surprise is fine, a secret that upsets them gets told.
- relationshipsAccept the small offer when you want itTurning down a small kindness can read as rejection. When to say yes, when one clear no is enough, and when to be careful.
- relationshipsCorrect the mistake after you have calmed downShouting at a mistake can teach people to hide the next one. Wait until you are calm, then fix it together and say why.
All 160 tips on relationships
- “Buddy,” from a boss: say it plainly, once
- "Calm down" can pour fuel on the fire
- “Commentary, or just a listening ear?”
- A lull is not an emergency
- Accept the apology without saying it was fine
- Accept the small offer when you want it
- After a no, let them set the distance
- Agree a code word that gets your teen picked up
- An honest no beats a good excuse
- Are you sure it’s them?
- Ask about the shoes at the door
- Ask if they have room for it
- Ask questions that can’t be answered with a nod
- Ask the question you don’t know the answer to
- Ask them about before you were born
- Ask them to call you instead
- Ask them what they meant
- Assume the line is live
- Be the one who asks
- Before the cut: say it once
- Being disliked is a mismatch, not a verdict
- Being wrong ends when you say so
- Block means block
- Block the number before the first drink
- Both roads hurt. One of them heals.
- Boundaries that invite better
- Bring the long charger
- Build a pause between feeling and speaking
- Buy the six-month size
- Change the text tone the week it ends
- Check the word never before you believe it
- Contempt has a name — and a track record
- Correct the mistake after you have calmed down
- Decide now what kind of alone it will be
- Do I keep inviting them?
- Don't compliment the shrinking
- Don’t drink your way through the shyness
- Don't mock them for doing what you wanted
- Drifting apart isn’t a failure
- Drop the too-cool façade
- Family is not an exemption
- Fear of alone makes a poor compass
- Feeling selfish for leaving is part of the script
- Find the truth in the criticism — with both hands on the guard
- Flirting is a conversation held lightly
- Get on the same side of the problem
- Get the voicemail out of the phone
- Get to know one person in the group first
- Give it two months before you call it love
- Give the reason with the rule
- Give the thought less to feed on
- Go anyway. The regret math is lopsided.
- Growing apart needs no villain
- Hang it where they are already looking
- Hear both sides before you feel anything
- If this sounds like ADHD, that’s a doctor conversation worth having
- If this sounds like autism or ADHD, an assessment is a fair question
- Include the quiet one by asking, never by announcing
- Intensity is often loneliness showing
- Invite yourself — kindly
- Is this the hill?
- It fails because you're watching it
- It feels light on the other side
- Join the club. Really.
- Keep the people who were there first
- Keep your child’s letters somewhere that lasts until 18
- Keep your own record when they say it never happened
- Know how to get an intimate picture taken down
- Leave the laugh alone
- Let different friends know different parts of you
- Let the compliment land
- Let the hobby do the introductions
- Let their story finish landing
- Let them bring up the job hunt
- Let them drag you out — and keep one hard no
- Let your child say no to a hug, and teach them which secrets to tell
- Listen to hear, not to reload
- Look up the scenes before movie night
- Love answers a different question
- Love them from a distance
- Make it getting-ready, not getting-cleaned
- Maybe it isn’t more friends you need
- Name the calm they carry
- Never apologize for where you’re from
- Never confront on first impulse
- No dramatic exit required
- Nobody hates you. It’s the overthinking talking.
- Nobody is grading your reply
- Offer one thing, with a day on it
- One true thing, or nothing
- Over-explaining is armor
- Praise the choice, not the birthright
- Put the topic in the message that asks to talk
- Put their page out of reach
- Question your own side first
- Reach out first — invitations are made, not waited for
- Read to them after they can read
- Return the question — they’re hoping you will
- Rusty, not broken
- Save it for when it lands
- Say “that’s hard” before “have you tried”
- Say a kind no to the friend's pitch
- Say hello, then let them decide
- Say how long your break is and when you will be back
- Say it is worth your time, and stop there
- Say it once before you stop
- Say it once, in private
- Say it was not about them when you snap
- Say it while they can hear it
- Say no to the plan, not the person
- Say the kind thought out loud
- Say the word while you sign it
- Say what it is before you ask if they’re free
- Say why you’re telling it before you start
- Say yes. Reliability compounds.
- Send the second draft
- Shared doing beats shared talking
- Skip the tricks — people can feel them
- Small circles are legitimate
- Sometimes a no means “I’m not okay”
- Stop being a cruel parent to yourself
- Stop chasing the group that left you out
- Stop watering a one-way friendship
- Support the person and refuse the behavior
- Swap the sorry for a thank you
- Take the photo after the pose ends
- Talk to the bartender first
- Talking about someone who isn't there: two honest rooms
- Tell them what kind of listening you need
- Ten years in is not a reason for eleven
- The comeback arrives on the stairs
- The forever test
- The grief is real. Grieve it properly.
- The joke that isn't funny: two honest schools
- The loneliness after is part of the healing
- The pause is the skill
- The pigeon rule
- The specific compliment sticks
- The years count, even if they end
- Their time is the evidence
- They like how they feel around you
- They tried. It still hurt. Both count.
- They're having a hard time, not giving you one
- Too busy being curious to be shy
- Too personal? Ask them why they’re asking
- Trust the gut — and outlast the guilt wobbles
- Two destinations, one car
- Wait for them to mention children first
- Whatever's in the glass is your business
- When someone finally reaches out, skip the "why now?"
- When they laugh at the new boundary
- When you forget their name: two honest schools
- Write down what your last three had in common
- You are allowed to have changed
- You are not the entertainment
- You can walk beside them — not for them
- You can’t change the people around you. But you can change who’s around you.
- You miss who they pretended to be
- You win every fight you walk away from
- You're allowed to keep talking about the person you left
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For the things that take longer than a day — a few small steps, in the order that helped real people.
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